


A Leap of Faith

by ValeReads



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji & Kuroo Tetsurou Friendship, Akaashi Keiji Needs a Hug, Akaashi Keiji in Love, Akaashi Keiji is a Mess, Akaashi Keiji thinks too much, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Bad Decisions, Boys In Love, Coming of Age, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Inspired by The Half of It (2020), Kozume Kenma is a Good Friend, Kuroo Tetsurou is Bad at Feelings, Light Angst, Love Letters, Love Triangles, M/M, Mentioned Bokuto Koutarou, Overthinking, POV Akaashi Keiji, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 85,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25177060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValeReads/pseuds/ValeReads
Summary: Akaashi Keiji is a good writer and one of the best students in school. He has a peculiar job where other students pay him to do their homework, essays and school reports daily. One day Kuroo Tetsurou, one of the most popular boys at school offers him money to write a love letter. Thinking that it is just for a simple girl, Akaashi accepts. But as he writes, he can only think of Kozume Kenma, his friend who he has been in love with for a while now. Akaashi continues with the lie without knowing that the owner of the letters is also the owner of his heart.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Kozume Kenma, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 159
Kudos: 154





	1. The Letter

**Author's Note:**

> (English is not my first language).  
> I thought about this story after watching the movie "The Half of It" on Netflix's. I saw it the minute it came out, it wasn't one of my favorite movies, but I loved the idea. You can not imagine how difficult it was for me to choose the 3 main characters... Well, I hope you like it!!!  
> also... I know this is not like a mayor ship, but I fucking love Akaken.

His cell phone warns him again with a notification tone that money has been transferred to the bank. He checks his account to see if everything is in order, it was. Good, he says to himself as he takes out some folders from his bag, before going to his classroom he passes next to his clients lockers, the recess had just ended, some students were actually putting effort to entering their classrooms to be on time, others just didn't care that much. He has the object in his hands, he knows that it’s dangerous to make the delivery at school, especially in the eyes of everyone, but he gains more customers this way and is less suspicious than waiting after school hours to make the delivery in front of the establishment.

He checks his phone one last time to verify that the locker number is correct. When he looks up, he sees the captain of the basketball team with a cheerleader, probably they were talking about some superficial subject. He makes a sound clearing his throat for the young man to turn around, but he is still focused on his conversation, Keiji touches his shoulder and he turns around.

"Open your locker," he says to the captain. It was not the first time that he had hired Keiji, so he does it without protest. "Here you have" he says as he places it in the locker.

"Next time I will pay you after receiving the grade, I will not keep losing my money to get an 8"

He just looks at him. "You know how it works, if you don't pay me then there is no delivery and I think it would be a little bit suspicious for your grades to go from a 4 to a 10, you have to be careful." He still hears protests from him when he turns to enter his classroom, he doesn't bother turning around.

No, Akaashi Keiji did not sell drugs at school, he only sold reports, essays and homework’s. He doesn't know how it really happened, one day he was in his first year in English class, he had finished his homework after the first ten minutes, he was looking at the boring clock and the teacher was almost snoring at his desk. The girl who was sitting next to him touches his hand, Keiji quickly takes his hand away, he didn’t like people to touch him, he looks at her irritated for not respecting his personal space and she grimaces and points to her paper that she had on the table, he looks at her without knowing what the girl was asking and sees how the girl rolls her eyes at him and with a whisper she asks him for his homework. Keiji lets out a small mocking laugh and says no. She again insisted indignantly telling him that she will repay him the favor later with a provocative tone. Are you humiliate yourself for a simple school assignment? He wanted to say to her, but he thinks about it and he was really bored. 

"Money, if you're going to pay me, do it with money." It took him seven minutes to finish it, when he was saving the money on his bag, the two boys who were sitting in the back offered him the same deal, in the end he ended up doing the homework of almost the entire class, he left with a good amount of money in his pocket. That was it, is what he had thought at the beginning but the following week in the same class his classmates again offered him money in exchange for his knowledge, from there it escalated to other subjects and then even to other courses.

Keiji wasn’t stupid, if he wanted to continue with this then he needed a plan, so he had a blackboard in his room with all the jobs he had to do and all the assignments of the week were scheduled on his phone, he was someone quite organized, so he didn’t want to get confused or mix jobs, when he didn’t have time available and people asked for his services. Keiji simply refused unless he was offered more money, but he was never going to sacrifice his own grades for his work. One of its main rules is that, first he received the money either by bank transfer or face to face, it didn’t accept any other payment method. The product would be delivered in the next few minutes after receiving the payment. He would always seek for his clients to drop the product, they didn’t have to go for it, it was prohibited and obviously the deal was between buyer and provider but they were allowed to recommend him.

That’s what he started doing two years ago. Next year he would enter college, it was still not clear for him what to study or to which university he would go to, but he was already saving for this great step. Both of his parents work most of the time, he considers himself a person who lives comfortably but he never asked money from his parents, after the first year he realized that he really liked having his own income. So, this is what he was doing now, exchanging money for the laziness of his classmates.

He kept going down the hall, he was going to be late for class but it was worth it. When he enters, the teacher doesn't say anything about his delay, he just keeps walking until he reaches his seat, he listens to the class carefully for the first five minutes then he dedicates himself to finishing a chemistry report that he has to deliver tomorrow, apparently it was more easier than he thought because he finishes it before the end of the class. With the extra time he checks his social media, he doesn’t have any new messages. He rests his hand against his cheek and looks out of the window, the day is sunny and there was no cloud in sight, a sign of a good day. When the class ends the teacher talks about a new history report, he feels the looks of his classmates on him, there were too many to do them all and they knew it, they would have to fight for Keiji to accept to do their homework. By the time the teacher leaves the classroom, the other students quickly approach him, at the end he chose to make seven reports, he would have a busy weekend.

He uses his lunch time to finish the homework of a couple that he had to deliver at last period, it was for a girl who is a cheerleader and for her boyfriend, a basketball player, they were idiots, so he tries not to do it perfectly. As he wrote, with his free hand he took some grapes to eat, he looked up at the other tables, everyone was sitting in groups and making a lot of noise. He tries to look for him with his eyes but he didn’t always come to lunch at the school cafeteria. He gets a message from the cheerleader asking about his homework, he fixes some minor details and leaves the room to deliver it.

"Thank you" the little blonde says when she hands him the money.

They met at the gym, he was counting the money when he realized that it was only a part of if "Half is missing."

"Yes, you have to ask Naoki" she says disinterestedly with her hand outstretched to receive the folder.

"I made the deal with you, I can't give it to you if you don't hand me all the money," he replies with a serious tone.

"Like I said, Naoki is going to pay you the missing half, just give it to me, I have to deliver it in my next class."

"I don't even know who that is, I'm not going to hand it over if you don't give me what we agreed" he takes the folder from her hands and turns around.

"Wait!" He turns and the girl takes her wallet out of her bag, she hands him the missing part so he gives her the folder after counting the amount. "It better be a 10 or you will deal with Naoki."

He doesn't look at her face when he walks away from the place, he gets irritated just thinking of the girl receiving her grade, Naoki will not dare to do anything to him, after all Keiji does all his homework for him. He crosses out the name of the cheerleader on his list, he doesn't want to work with her ever again, he didn't appreciate her rudeness. He was walking outside the gym when he heard someone shouting, it was his name the one it was being shouted and he clearly recognized the voice of a man. Oh no, Naoki was coming for him. He could run, he went out every morning to run so he was good at that... he was going to look pathetic and the other was an athlete he was going to catch him and it would be worse. What if he calls a teacher for help? even worse, his small business could be at risk of being discovered. "Shit" he was going to have to take the beating, he could hear the noise of sneakers on the floor, I hope it’s not in the face, he would not know how to explain it to his parents, he turns around to face his destiny.

"Akaashi, right?" The boy in a uniform of the volleyball team asks.

This would be worse, he looks like a bully with his arms and legs defined, with his great height, his messy hair style and that smirk on his face. He had his name on the tip of his tongue, he was captain of the volleyball team, he was popular with the girls, he heard that he go out with a different one every week, he has been kicked out of the classroom several time, he heard that he went out to big parties every weekend and there was even a rumor about that he had been arrested for causing riots. He didn’t share classes with him and they had never spoke to each other before, nor had he asked for his services.

"Yes, can I help you with something?" He will most likely ask for an essay.

"Actually yes," he says as they stand face to face in the hallway, the tall man looks both ways. "I need a favor, I mean, uh, a job."

He lets out the air that he was holding relieved, obviously he wanted his services, "I’m busy this week so I don't have time, I'm sorry."

"But it's short, just a page" he says quickly.

"A page? What class is it for?"

"Ehhh ha ha you’ll see it’s not for any class" now he was confused. "It is- I want you to write a letter".

Keiji frowns "A letter?" Does he want me to write a letter for college admission?

"Yes, a love letter."

“...”

Keiji turns around and continues walking his way.

"HEY! Wait," the boy says running after him. "I know it's not what you usually do, but a friend of mine paid you for a literature report and when he showed it to me I found it incredible, not all of us have that talent, dude," He kept walking behind him "I tried to write a letter myself but it's very difficult and if maybe you did, I don't know, please I'm desperate."

He refuses to write a stupid confession letter, he has not reached such a point of desperation. "Sorry as you said, it is not what I do" he replied respectfully.

"Please! I'll even pay you double" Keiji looks at him curiously but shakes his head again. "It will only be this time, it will be easy money, come on." Keiji analyzes his options, the letter would not be difficult to do, he just needs creativity, it’s a challenge and lately he has been bored.

"All right, just this time only, one page maximum and I want the triple of my usual rate."

"Deal" the young man says extending his hand.

Wow he must be really desperate, Keiji shakes his hand "I need your phone number" he says as he writes his number down on a piece of paper to give it to him "you can write to me so I can schedule you, as I said I'm busy so I will deliver it on Monday in school, money has to be deposited before that."

"If you want you can send it to me by mail, I will put it in the envelope, let me know when you have it and I will send you the money."

Even better for him, "Okay, what's your name?"

He smiles and doesn't answer for a long minute, then replies "Kuroo Tetsurou".

He had heard that name a thousand times through these hallways "Well Kuroo, what do you want me to write about? What's the girl's name? What do you want to tell her in the letter?"

The boy opens his eyes nervously "ehhh, you don't need to write her name, I will, you can write anything, just tell her I like her and that I want to go out with her."

He rolls his eyes, he will have to do everything, surely the girl already has a boyfriend "Okay, if you won't tell me who she is at least tell me how she looks like and what she likes."

Kuroo gets nervous again "I-ehh I can't tell you, just don't talk about her physical appearance and I don't know what she likes, I don't know her that well ... but I want to! put that. Also, this has to be strictly confidential, no one can know. "

This will not be easy if he doesn't give him any information that will help him "Of course it is confidential, you have my word", he sees the relieved face of Kuroo "I will see what I can do with the vague information you gave me" he says irritated.

"Thank you" Kuroo says with a big smile on his face "I owe you one dude."

"What you owe me is money" he says as he walks away and hears Kuroo Tetsurou's laugh.

It will not be so difficult, he can visit some sites that talk about love and he had read hundreds of books that talk about the subject so he has a slight idea about romanticism. Of course, that is the only way he can learn, his parents are not a good example, he never sees them being affectionate with each other and they seem more like coworkers than spouses from years, both work in a prestigious company where they have to constantly travel to different parts of the world. And well, Keiji hasn’t meet love yet in his almost 18 years, he has not even give his first kiss. He has never been someone who makes many friends or to make friends in general, with a good book he was fine, for what he remembers he received dozens of confessions in his life but he never accepted them, he didn't bother on reading the letters. He didn't wanted the girls to get excited, of course he didn’t know that he was being rude, at the time he found that it was better to be honest immediately than accepting the chocolates.

Besides he found the subject a bit superficial, he never spoke to any of those girls for more than ten minutes. Why would they be interested in him? He had a little bit of confidence, he was not an unattractive person but he was someone... flat, too normal, he didn't attract attention, although he considered himself tall being 1.83 centimeters tall, with his black hair carefully combed but with his curls getting messier as the day passes, with his dark blue eyes that almost looked like black, if he asked his classmates with closed eyes what color their eyes were, nobody would know how to answer, they simply were not memorable. His teeth were what he liked the most about him, they were always extremely white and his upturned nose was also to his liking, he never did a lot of sports as growing up, he did athletics for two years because he liked to run but he didn't like not going at his own pace, it relaxed him to go jogging in the morning while listening to his classical music playlist and that helped his body to look more toned, a little skinny though, but he has no idea why because he was always eating.

The last time he received a confession from a girl was at the beginning of last year, she sat next to him in most classes and they had exchanged a few words, he was surprised when she left class to take him away of the classroom to confess her feelings, he highly doubted whether to accept it or not, it’s not that he liked her but he saw her as a potential friend.

After rejecting her politely she didn’t sit next to him ever again. It was not her personality or her appearance, in fact she was very attractive, it’s just that some years ago he had realized that he was not attracted to women. He didn't like any boy he knew either, he wasn't really looking for a boyfriend or something like that, his parents would kill him and he refused to think of any boy from school in that way, he would wait to explore with boys in university who are not immature.

But someone had caught his attention, Keiji tried to ignore his feelings at first, but it was difficult, his damn brain was always looking for him with his gaze. They shared some classes and when they did they sat together, once when he was totally focused on his homework during lunch he suddenly saw him sitting in front of him, so they used to have lunch together sometimes, they also messaged each other, Keiji still didn't know if calling him a friends is right, he wanted to but his feelings prevented him of doing so and in less than six months he would be on his way to university. What good does it do to form a relationship now?

The last hour had passed quickly, Keiji wrote some romance lines for the letter but he felt that someone could see it, he didn't want to lose his reputation for a love letter, it would be embarrassing. He waited in his seat for a few minutes as everyone stormed out of the classroom when the bell announced the end of school hours, he was walking down on the deserted hall, it was Friday after all and everyone wanted to enjoy it to the fullest, he had heard that the president of the class would celebrate her birthday party, his entire class would go plus some students of other classes, he doesn’t know if he was considered a guest. He was only thinking about it because it would be a pool party and the heat was already affecting him, he wasn’t crazy enough to go to a party with the troglodytes he knows. His parents were at home, that meant a delicious dinner, then he would advance with his own homework to start with the others, he thought about going to buy some new expensive running shoes that he had seen, he deserves a treat after all and that was his entertaining plan for the weekend.

"Akaashi" his heart almost jumps out of his chest when he heard that soft voice.

"Kozume" he responds when he turns around. The boy was walking behind him, he had a game console in his hands.

"Hello," he simply says as he walks beside him and Keiji greet him back. "Did you have to clean the classroom?"

"No," he says puzzled. Did he smell like cleaning products? Should he use more perfume? "Why?"

The boy walks beside him without taking his eyes off his game. "The bell rang more than five minutes ago."

"Ahh yes, I don't like getting out at the same time as everyone else, they get truly desperate and start pushing, it seems like a jungle." How pathetic, now he will think that he is someone who doesn't like people and even if that’s true, he doesn’t want him to think like that of him.

"Really?" He says looking up. "I always wait a few minutes longer than necessary to avoid the crowd." Good, he says, they are more similar than he thought.

They were walking together out of the school, maybe he should try to make conversation "Where are you heading?" The boy walks by his side without answering, thank goodness he didn’t hear him, he feels embarrassed now, this thing of socialize with others is not his forte.

"To the station."

He was listening. "Me too" he says as they walked together in silence, it’s not an uncomfortable silence but his mind is screaming at him to make conversation with Kozume. He looks at his right side where Kozume is walking, he was shorter than Keiji so he lowers his eyes, apparently his game was about a battle between characters. He didn't even have to look at him to describe him, his image had stuck with him a few months ago. The first time he saw him was on the first day of school this year, he sat two seats behind him, he immediately stand out with his blonde hair and quite noticeable black roots that went beyond his cheeks, but what caught his attention the most were those big golden felines eyes, his eyes shine and his color is very intriguing, his nose was more uptight and delicate than his, his lips looked soft and... Why the fuck was he doing looking at his lips? Keiji turned to look at the front of the road.

The first time they spoke was when they were in their second shared class, they only had three classes together so they saw each other three times a week in classes, Kozume had shyly touched his shoulder, he was sitting in front of him and when he turned around he looked a little nervous. "Ehh my pen fell under your feet could you kick it to me?" He didn't even hear the noise so he bends down to pick it up to give it to him. "Here you have" he says, the blonde nods and thanks him, he doesn't know why he felt his heart that way. 

From there he began to notice him more often, when once the teacher announced that they had to work in pairs, Keiji practically turned his head 360 degrees to ask him if he wanted to be his partner. When he turns around he can see the other clearly nervous, he offers him to work as partners and he immediately accepts, they work well together, Kozume was smart and he only spoke the necessary, when they finish it leaving time to spare they exchanged only a couple of words. The boy was always distracted by his portable game, the only thing Keiji knew about games was that Mario was the red character and Luigi the green.

He begins to sit beside him more often, as he was always alone and decided that it was time to form a friendship. When he did it, the other didn’t speak to him but he was not uncomfortable so he continued to do so, then the small talks started, they were about homework, classes, weather, things like that. Kozume was someone extremely shy but he was opening up more and more, he was someone funny and had similar tastes as him. Then one day they exchanged numbers and started having lunch together at school, suddenly he would appear sitting next to Kozume or he would come and sit next to him. Definitely he talked more by messages, once he sent him a game, Keiji downloaded it and he spent two hours losing.

They had never walked together after school, Kozume had asked him something about whether he had done the chemistry homework, Keiji mentioned that yes and that he had to do a few more. He knew about his “work”, several times he witnessed when someone spoke to him about the subject, he thought that he was going to judge him, but he never said anything to him and he even laughed at how idiot people were, he offered him to do the same, he could help him, he was someone incredible smart from what he could tell but he refused. I am too lazy to do even my own homework, the blonde replied.

"What train are you taking?" Keiji asked while they waited at the station, he was disappointed when he answered and it was not the same, he waited for him to leave first and they said goodbye waving their hands lightly.

He came home and greeted his parents, they talked even less than he and Kozume. He went up to his room and started doing his work, the history report was more difficult than he thought, it took almost the whole weekend to do them all, it was Sunday afternoon when Kuroo wrote to him asking for his letter. Shit, he had forgotten, it seemed so small and easy that he didn't even write it down in his schedule, he replied that it was almost ready while he was actually starting it. 

He didn't know what to do, he went blank for an hour, he bangs his head on the desk and stayed in that position for a good five minutes, he won't do this again he told himself, he was tired and he wanted to sleep so he looked for a love song and practically copied and pasted it by altering some lines, he received the money before sending the email to Kuroo.

He forgot about the letter until Kuroo approached him on Thursday. "I already told you I would only write once." he said as he closes his locker.

"Oh yeah?" He says as he gives him a crumpled piece of paper. "You scammed me, the deal was that you would write a letter not a damn song," he says, almost whispering, "I could have done that myself and saved me the money. Now she will never speak to me again."

Keiji looks both sides, a teacher was passing near them with her books, "Not here" he says as he guides him to the bathroom.

He read the letter's answer over and over. _"You are what I'm looking for - Rooney"_ it said with the name underlined. Well... shit. He could swear that nobody knew that song.

"Ehhh, this worked to break the ice, now she will definitely write you again" he says to the tall.

"Really? After almost a week without responding," he says, rolling his eyes, "I want my money back."

He couldn't let his reputation be ruined like that, he was the captain of the volleyball team and he was very popular, although on the other hand he doubted that he would tell anyone if he was so afraid of people knowing it, still he paid for a service and Keiji deliver it worse than mediocre, he was used to delivering quality and high standards products.

“All right, this is good, without a doubt you caught her attention and so as not to seem that interested, she took her time to write back" with the small investigation of romance that he had done, all indicated that she was playing hard to get and they were on the right track. He was also beginning to like this challenge "I will write a second letter more deeper and I will deliver it to you tomorrow."

Kuroo looks doubtful but he assures him that the letter will be so good that by Monday he will have an answer and with that he will have already won the girl's heart so they would no longer need silly letters to communicate.

He had been sitting in his room for two hours with a pen in his hand and a completely empty page. Writing about love was more difficult than he thought, he didn’t want to inspire himself with any of his books with fear that she would discover him again, if that happens, she would never answer him again. He exhales deeply.

_"Hello"_

It was a good start, he says crumpling the paper and throwing it in the trash, he didn't want to give up so easily but he was seriously thinking about returning the money to Kuroo. A message arrives on his phone at that time, it was from Kozume, he opens it after counting sixty seconds, it was a meme of a cat, he’s used to send them and Keiji found it charming.

He replies with a "hahaha" no, no, it’s a lot of laughs it will look fake, he chooses to remove some letters "haha" he looks even more fake, he takes a deep breath and sends him a natural "hahha", that will do. He would like to send him another meme back but he didn't know where to really get them from and what if they were boring? He was not going to embarrass himself like that. He waits about ten minutes close to the phone in case the blonde answered him but there was nothing really to answer to that laugh, so he sits at his desk and begins to write the letter on his computer. He thinks of Kozume and he sees himself finishing the second paragraph easily, at the end he manages to write a cute letter, he changes some things so that it looks like Kuroo's personality and also adds some misspellings.

He says things about him being really nervous when writing to her, so he decided to find a song that best reflects his feelings, the girl's beauty was so great that it prevented him from forming coherent sentences, he constantly dreamed with his eyes and that he wanted nothing more than those eyes to look only at him, he compared her beauty with a work of art and her personality as lovely and charming, in the end he humiliate himself a little so that she would accept to go out with him. He assumed that Kuroo had no problem getting girls, but perhaps she knew about his reputation and she was afraid he would break her heart, so he had to say that he only cared about her and no one else and that she could trusted him and blah blah blah.

Poor girl, Keiji thought. What would Kuroo Tetsurou do with the girl's heart after getting it? He felt a little bad but he still sent a message to Kuroo saying that the letter was ready and had already been sent to him. After a while he replied that the letter was magnificent and he hoped it was not another song, he said that he changed some things and mentioned some spelling mistakes. You're welcome he had written at the end of the message with some emojis.

What an idiot Keiji said to himself. Well, at least he was done with this, he hopes to never hear about the letter again.

  
  
  



	2. Search

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted today because I'm still happy for tha last Haikyuu chapter❤❤❤  
> Enjoy!!!
> 
> My Twitter: @ReadsVale

His peaceful Monday morning is interrupted when he sees Kuroo waiting for him leaning on his locker, Keiji rolls his eyes, he doesn’t like people touching his things.

"If you needed something you could have just sent a message" he says when he approaches him, Kuroo wakes up from the trance he was in.

"She answered!" He says smiling.

Keiji tells him to lower his voice. "So?"

"Well, I don't know, I thought maybe you would like to see what she wrote."

"No thanks, it's all yours."

"Ehhh, yes ... if you answered her just one more time I-"

"No" Keiji looks at him deeply into his eyes so that he knows that he would not change his mind.

"Come on, please! Just one more time," he raises his voice and sees a few heads turn to look at them.

"Shhhh" he tells him to stop screaming like a mad man. "I already told you that I would only do it once, and I ended up writing two letters ."

"Yes, but the first one doesn't count, also in this letter she talks about the song, I didn't even understand it, partly it's your fault, aghhh the only songs in English that I like are those of Michael Jackson."

Keiji looks at the captain of the volleyball team from head to toe, with his looks he could simply attract the girl, his personality must be the one that sucks, he can’t fix that. "I'm sorry I won't write another letter, but I'll give you a discount if you need any other homework."

Kuroo lets out a sound of defeat, "No, what I need is to know what to answer her, just give me your opinion, I'll pay you for that."

"I don't know much about the subject, my opinion will not do much," he closes his locker after taking out a few things, "Goodbye." He tells him to take into account not to follow him.

"I'll pay you double," he says before turning around. He considers it, the double amount of money just for a page full of well-written lies.

"Okay" Kuroo's face transforms into one of complete happiness. "Give me the letter, to know what to answer her" he extends his hand to accept it.

Kuroo practically hugs his backpack, "No, it's mine. I'll email you a copy, the earlier the answer, the better."

Keiji takes a deep breath, "Okay, send it along with the money as soon as possible" he hears a shout of thanks as he walks down the hall, clearly Kuroo Tetsurou doesn't have the sense of discretion.

He will have to leave the romance books aside, they are far behind of the current time, at least the ones he likes the most, the teen magazines will have to be the solution, maybe a couple of manga, obviously he will have to buy them somewhere far from the city so that they do not recognize him. He yawns before reaching the classroom, he sees Kozume already seated in his usual spot, he takes a deep breath before advancing.

"Good morning Kozume" he says when he sits down next to him.

"Good morning and I already told you that you can call me Kenma."

That's true, exactly a month and a half ago, Kozume had interrupted him to say that he could call him Kenma, he almost choked when he heard it. He still didn’t feel sure to call him by his given name, he could scare him although he was the one who insisted, but he didn’t want to risk it.

"Yes sorry. How was your weekend?" He tells him to change the subject.

"Good, normal. I played that new game I told you about non-stop, I'm about to finish it."

He lets out a little laugh, "Yes, I can tell."

"Huh?" Kozume raises an eyebrow "What do you mean by that?"

Keiji widens his eyes, Kozume's hair looked more messy than normal, as if he had not had time to properly comb his hair in the morning, he has one hand resting on his cheek as if he wanted to lie down to sleep on the table, but the most noticeable was the weariness in his eyes. Oh no, he already ruined it, now he will think that he’s an idiot or worse a stalker who pays attention to the smallest details. "Ehhh I said it because ... because I-"

Kozume laughs for a few seconds, he have never heard him laugh so much. "I was just joking, surely I look like shit."

Keiji shakes his head to the sides desperately trying to deny it, "No, I d-didn't mean that. You just look a little tired, I mean I could notice it, it's not that obvious, it's me, I'm a great observer" he gulps "not that I observe you, I observe everyone in general, that's me I like to observe people" fuck ... just shut up.

Kozume laughs again, this time a little louder, "To be honest, you look pretty tired too."

It was also true, he cut his usual sleep hours last night to four due to his business. "Yes, I had a lot of homework last night."

"If that interferes with your daily life, you should take a break."

"It was just a little slip, an idiot paid me to write a confession letter to a girl who surely has a boyfriend, he must do it to create a fight or something."

Kozume laughs again, he was about to say something when the person sitting in front turns around to look at them with an irritated face, the class has not even started yet, the idiot must have a hangover. he turns to look at Kozume, who was already looking down. He was shy, he could count with the fingers of his hand the times that he had heard him speak in public, he feels anger towards the rude student who interrupted his beautiful laugh. "What?" He says before the student turns back to his seat.

The other does nothing, just looks at him and turns around, Keiji insults him in a low voice, Kozume didn’t speak again during the rest of the class.

"I’ll walk you to your classroom!" He says to Kozume when he gets up from the seat, he shakes his head.

"See you at lunch" he says softly.

"Yes, see you Kozume."

He stayed sit at his desk and flip through some notebooks, he had nothing to deliver today or the next few days, it was not the lack of money but the boredom that made him want to work more. He gets a message from one of the second-year students, a report on global warming, ironically there were twenty pages that she had to deliver printed.

His school was private, not everyone could enter and most of the students have a lot of money, he chose it only because of the great variety of books in the library. The spoiled little brats were the worst, that's why he had no friends, they were all pretentious and that's why he charged so much for the jobs, he laughs in the inside of how ridiculous the students could be by paying so much for the comfort of doing nothing. Kuroo Tetsurou must be one of them, who pays so much for a simple letter? A spoiled fool is the answer.

His parents always taught him the importance of working until getting what you want and the importance of doing things for yourself, so his parents taught him to do things from a young age. At the age of seven, he no longer asked his parents for help with homework, at eleven he already knew how to cook and at fourteen they began to leave him alone while traveling on business. Keiji preferred it that way, he liked being self-sufficient, he didn't need anyone and there was nothing he didn't know how to do, well sometimes he burns his food a little but he has to improve on that.

He couldn’t believe that the school was so expensive if some of the teachers didn’t even bother to teach, he was scribbling with his pen in his physics class while the teacher showed them a documentary, he was almost falling asleep when he heard a new notification tone from his phone.

Kuroo had sent him the letter, it was short, it only had two paragraphs. He didn’t understand why Kuroo was so happy earlier, she didn’t write anything hopeful, just that it was probably not the first time he had said this to a girl, that she doubted of his arguments and that she was sorry but won’t accept his confession and she promised not to tell anyone. At least the girl was smart, she knew that it was not good to believe in a guy like Kuroo Tetsurou. He didn’t know what he could answer to make her change her mind, he opens a new page in his notebook and makes as he is taking notes of the ridiculous documentary that literally he can watch on Netflix, he takes a deep breath before writing.

_ "Why do you doubt my feelings? You are not the owner of this heart, you do not know how fast it beats when I’m thinking of you, how slow it moves against my chest when I am about to speak to you but in the end I never do, as my heart stops beating a few seconds when I see you... although you could become, the owner of my heart, I mean. " _

He nods and lets out a small laugh, this will do, he says. He writes a few more things, but ends up deleting them, he takes out his phone to read a column about love and romance in a popular magazine for young people. "How to know if he likes you", "How to make him fall in love with a simple glance", "Wink, bite and smile", "Win your man with just one orgasm".

Okay, okay, okay... enough internet for today.

He sighs a little bit irritated, he doesn't know why he agreed to do this again, it’s not easy to write about love, it’s not easy to write about something he has never felt for someone. He closes his eyes and a smile forms on his face, he likes it... he likes the challenge.

When Keiji was little at only seven years old, he had won a short story contest.

It was about a prince who was looking for a pure heart in order to be a better ruler for his kingdom, he looked among the royalty for this, among the commoners and even in the poorest young women of his kingdom. It took him years to finally find a girl with a pure heart, he had to go with his wizard to find the girl, since it was difficult to search among people with false intentions that everyone constantly repeated to him. She was the simple daughter of a farmer, the eldest of five little brothers, her mother had died a couple of years ago and she was in charge of taking care of everyone, the wizard's potion had made the young prince dream of the sweet girl. When he arrived at the farm he knelt down and asked her to marry him in front of his entire family, he paid them with two gold bars to the father and the brothers each, they rode together towards the castle. On their wedding day after the big celebration, the prince was sitting on his bed, holding a white silk in his hands and blood was running down his neck as he chewed nonstop. 70 years his reign lasted and he brought nothing but peace to his kingdom, everyone was happy and it had only cost him a pure heart.

Of course his teacher had had a meeting with his parents because of his dark gloomy story, he was sitting playing with his feet while the adults were talking, he didn’t see anything wrong with his story, they made him rewrite the ending where the girl marries him and the two are kings and they lived happily ever after blah blah blah. Still he won the story contest and the smile on his face lasted for weeks. He had never won anything before, nobody had congratulated him for writing something, that’s why he felt so happy, years later he discovered that it was pride what he had felt, he was proud of himself. He wanted to keep writing and feel that again.

He was thirteen when he told his parents that he wanted to be a writer.

His parents hardly ever scolded him, since he never did anything to deserve a punishment, that was the first time they yelled at him. That he would be a starving writer, that he would have no future, that he should forget that stupid fantasy, that they hadn't worked so hard to pay for college so he would end up being a writer.

So he didn't think about it again until he got paid for a job. What was he going to do with so much money? The first thing he did was to open a bank account and save it, he already had a little money saved from the times his parents gave him. Could he save enough to pay for university? Probably not, but it would be enough to pay a little in the case of receiving a scholarship and to be able to buy basic items such as food, clothes and textbooks for college. That if he decided to study literature, his parents want him to be a doctor, the idea does not appeal to him at all, so he likes to have another option available.

If he ever decides to be a writer, he has to be able to put on paper feelings that he have not felt and perhaps never would. Everyone loved love stories, he would have to write about it someday, although he preferred fantasy stories or mysteries, he had several drafts in his room, he wrote a couple of times about love but he likes ending them tragically, he could captured the public's attention in this way.

When he got home after buying some magazines and manga, he pulled the notebooks full of stories from under his bed, he looks for the love stories and he can immediately notice that he wrote them when he was much younger and immature, they were just ridiculous and they do not emotionally move the reader at all, he lets out a heavy breath, well we go back to zero.

He has to admit that he used to judge these types of manga, but the truth is that they were not bad at all, he almost tear up with one story. Still he was not inspired, his stomach tells him that he had already skipped dinner, he goes down and prepares himself a simple sandwich with a tea, while he eats he checks his phone, he had a message from Kozume, he wrote it more than 6 hours ago so he opens it quickly.

**-What will you do after school?**

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

He wants to throw the hot tea over his head, how stupid ... Why didn't he see the message earlier? Stupid manga that wasn't even that good, damn letter, damn Kuroo. He won't let 7 hours go by, so he starts thinking about something, he writes on his phone notes to have it ready.

-I'm sorry I just saw it ... No.

-Ohh, my cell phone was off, why were you asking? ... NO

-Nothing, it's still early, we can still go out ... Nope.

He has both hands on his face, aghhhh, it was his chance and he missed it.

\- Kenma, I'm sorry I was with my parents, I just got home and my phone run out of battery, I just saw your message.

He reads the same sentence for minutes before sending it and add a sad-faced emoji, one that looked quite distressed.

He waits next to the his phone for the reply, it comes after a few seconds. He opens it immediately, he didn't want to make him wait any longer.

**\- Ahhh, it doesn't matter**

He wanted to ask him what his intentions were, that he was free tomorrow, that he could invite him out to compensate him. But he replied with a simple phrase.

\- See you tomorrow :)

**\- Ok, at lunch**

He grabbed his pillow and covered his scream, What happened that he needed to go out with him? Or maybe it was a simple question, maybe he wanted to know if he was busy or not for something else. He will ask him tomorrow, nope he knows that he will not do it, he will not dare to do it. He sits at his desk and begins to write another paragraph for the letter.

_ "What I feel for you, I have not felt it for any other girl, my heart only beats for you. Let me demonstrate it with another letter, let me know you and so you can know me, time will reveal the truth to you. I promise you that my feelings are sincere and I just want to get to know you better, just give me one more chance. " _

What he ended up sending Kuroo was quite short, but he needed her permission to continue writing, the message arrives a few minutes later thanking him.

He sits there doing nothing for a few minutes, he reaches for one of the magazines and begins to read it, they were some tips on how to confess your feelings. It didn't help him at all, he didn't know how to put that on to letter, he even thought about it as if he were face to face, as if there was a girl in front of him, the image of Kozume was looking back at him. He opens his eyes and blink to think of something else, if only he had kept all the confessions that they had made to him.

He sits at the table away from the others, he moves his head everywhere looking for the blonde hair, after a few minutes he sees him walking towards him. Kozume greets him and they eat in silence. He gives him a few discreet glances from time to time, he looks as same as always. Kozume abandons half of his lunch to continue playing on his console like he usually does.

"Sorry for not answering you yesterday, I will be more attentive and will take care of my cell phone battery." He was playing with his food without looking him in the face when he says it.

Without looking up from his console Kozume replies, "ahh it doesn't matter".

The same phrase of the message, "So why you asked?" He keeps playing with his food when he asks him, he didn't dare to look at him.

"Hmm, I had to go buy something, I had to take your train and I thought we could travel together."

Now he truly screwed it up, he could have gone out with him, he could have insisted on buying something after taking the train and he would have invited him for something to eat so that they could learn more about each other. "Ohhh sorry Kozume, I'm free after school if you still have to go." He says hopefully.

Kozume shakes his head "I went alone and I told you Kenma is fine."

The notification of a message interrupts him, it was an email from Kuroo.

_ "Woow that’s cheesy. Where did you get the lines this time? Tell me what cheap magazine, maybe a forum? Tell me and I'll tell you something about myself." _

Damn her... he hadn't got it out of nowhere, why was she doubting his true feelings? Aghhh he will have to play with his best weapons. He writes a message to Kuroo.

**-We are good, she’s playing hard to get, I already told you. She is interested, if she wasn't, she wouldn't have written back, let alone say that she would tell us something about her.**

-Ok, ok I trust you

Again, a smile forms on his face, ohh this has just begun.

  
  
  



	3. I'd rather eat apple pie than a birthday cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so afraid of Twitter right now… I don't want to see any spoilers 🙃
> 
> Enjoy!!!

After the first few times, writing to her was not that difficult, it was becoming more and more natural and he had discovered several things about her, all of them quite lacking of important information.

_ “I once dreamed I was eating the moon that was made of cheese.” _

_ “The cat that disappeared for three days from my neighbor's house yes, I was the one who kidnapped him, I just wanted to pet him.” _

_ “Yesterday I failed the calculus exam.” _

_ “My favorite book is one you probably don't know.” _

Poor Kuroo Tetsurou, he was just wasting all his money, yet he had a goofy smile on his face every time he received a letter.

Was there a hidden message that he didn't understand?

Was it a reference to a current tv show?

Was it a double meaning message?

He could only rescue two things from this experience, Kuroo and his girl were both idiots, and that he enjoyed writing. He even began to receive less and less jobs, he didn’t want to be so busy so he announced that he would not receive more than two per day. Better for him, now they paying him even more for a report.

He offered her the phone number of Kuroo several times so that they will communicate by this means, but she refused, he did not understand what her strategy was. Was she giving him meaningless information so she could later reproaching him when he didn’t remember it? Was she just making fun of him? HA! Little did she know that he had all their conversations in a folder in case he needed them later.

"What are you thinking about?" Kozume was sitting next to him before the class started.

"Ahh nothing important, just an English job."

"Hmmm" Kozume was still playing on his portable game. "Need help?"

"Ohh it's not mine, it's from a client" wait ... did he just reject him? “I mean, it wouldn't be fair because they pay me for it, but thanks anyway. "

"It doesn't bother me, I like to practice my English."

"I will, but only if you accept half of the money." He didn't need the help, but he would like to spend extra time with Kozume.

"Okay, I need it for that new game that my parents don't want to buy me."

"Outbreak ll?"

"Yup that one, how did you remember it?"

He appreciates the fact that he is completely immersed in his game and that he’s not looking at his flushed face "Hmmm I have a good memory Kozume."

"Kenma."

"Yes, Kenma" he pretends that he is writing something on his notebook so that he doesn’t see his reddish face.

The class passes in the blink of an eye, five minutes are left to the class to end, with his eyes he watches Kenma who is making little drawings in his notebook without paying attention to the class, he brings the pen to his mouth a few times and he leaves it between his lips, now that he noticed it, his pencils were always bitten, it was nothing hygienic at all and still, he couldn't take his eyes off his lips that sucked the tip of the pen... and that’s enough to look away and pay attention to the class to get his not-so-innocent thoughts away from his mind.

The teacher announces that they will have to deliver a report by Monday, because it’s Friday they won’t have much time to do it, that means that the price will rise in case someone wants to hire him, he will have fun watching how they fight to hire his services, he hears more than one of his classmates complain about the short time given, so the teacher decides that the report will be in pairs.

He feels everyone's gaze, especially Kenma's, it's a weekend, they will surely need to get together to do it, he could go to his house, he will have to clean his room, no... it will be very uncomfortable. What will he do when he runs out of conversation topics? He turns his head slightly to look at Kenma, he was with his head down writing something on his notebook, he didn’t looked very excited to work with him, maybe he likes to be alone or has another person in mind.

He sees a piece of paper being slide to his table, "Together?". "Yes" he answers to Kenma on the paper. When the bell rings for lunch he quickly gets up to walk with Kenma.

"Hey Akaashi, can you?" One of the few customers who likes him asks.

"Sorry, I'm full this week, I won't be able to do any." He had to use all his available time thinking about what to do for his study date.

Several students approach him, he has to reject them all, some offer him more money, but he doesn't accept. Kenma was walking a few steps behind him and he looks a bit overwhelmed by the approaching crowd.

"The day is warm, we could eat outside, what do you think?"

He asks Kenma, who is still walking behind him looking down.

"Koz- Kenma, would you like to have lunch outside?" This time he raises the tone of his voice, he sees how the blonde nods his head.

"Do you ever finish all your lunch?"

"I don’t get hungry at this time" Kenma answers him with half of his food intact.

He drinks of his apple juice. Now is the time, I could ask him now. He licks his lips with his tongue and takes a deep breath before speaking.

"We could do the report today after class, in my house or if you want in the library, although they close early today, or tomorrow it could be tomorrow, I mean if you want." The words comes out of his mouth very fast, he hopes that the blonde has been able to understand him because he doesn’t believe that the words will come out again.

"Ohh, didn't you have a lot of work?" The blonde looked up from his game to look at him in the eye, Keiji feels exposed.

"Huh? Oh no, no, I said it just to take a break, I probably won't do anything this weekend, I mean aside from the report and this way we can do the English homework."

"Okay, can you today?"

"Yes, yes, today is perfect."

Kenma nods and returns his gaze to his video game console. He feels a small triumph inside him, he walks with him to his class and they say goodbye. "I'll see you on the way out" he says before turning around.

His parents were not at home, he will have to cook, he doesn’t know what Kenma likes to eat, he knows that he doesn’t like vegetables, he always sees him taking them away from his food, he could afford a luxury and order a pizza, he doesn’t usually eat junk food but this was a special occasion, thank goodness he always makes his bed before going to school. His thoughts are interrupted when he hears his name.

"Akaashi wait!" Kuroo Tetsurou was running after him, "man, didn't you hear me?"

"Sorry I didn't. I have classes now so I have -"

"Wait, wait... she answered me the letter" Kuroo shows him a photo on his phone of the letter, the name was crossed out as well as some words, he could notice that his writing was quite messy.

_ "I'd rather eat apple pie than a birthday cake." _

What? It was as if she was just playing with him, her information was worth nothing, aghhhh he had two options or to play the game that was the first thing they did, but when the silly fun facts kept going, they started with plan B, which was to give her important information about Kuroo, such as his favorite movie, funny stories from the past, how many brothers or sisters did he has, favorite ice cream flavor, according to Kuroo that was all they needed to know about him.

"I feel like we're stuck." Kuroo tells him when he catches his breath.

"She's playing with us" he puts his hands on his chin as if that makes him think better. "We have to change our strategy, I need to write a deeper letter, I need more information about her."

"Hmmm, isn't that what we've been trying to achieve?"

He rolls his eyes, "I mean we needed to give her compliments, but I can't do it if I don't know what she looks like."

"Ehhh, can't you do it vaguely? Just like ohh your hair is very nice, your eyes are really shiny, ummm your fingers look delicate." Kuroo scratched the back of his neck nervously.

"I will try, but if it doesn't work, I will need strong data, I’m getting start to feel sorry on how much money you are spending with me.”

Kuroo laughs, the sound was horrible, like an animal being run over, Keiji grimaces and makes a mental note to not being funny with him again. "Don't worry about the money, I have saved it for a while."

Keiji nods promising to deliver him a letter before Monday. He doesn't want to think about it anymore, he has enough on his mind about his study date with Kenma. He really can't stop looking at the time on his phone, he wants to get out of here as soon as possible, his feet move with nervousness or excitement, he isn’t quite sure. When the bell finally rings, he stays seated for a while waiting in the classroom, when he waits long enough he grabs his things and walks toward the exit, he finds Kenma halfway there.

"Are you ready?"

Kenma looks up from his console and says yes.

They walked together in silence to the station, his mind was busy enough thinking about conversation topics rather that actually talking with him. He guides him to the train and there were no seats available because it was rush hour, they had to stand in the back near the wall. His hands were brushing when they were holding on to the handrail so as not to fall, Kenma was not playing with his portable game console, and he can't stop but noticed the height difference between them that is even more noticeable.

It began to feel more and more crowded, people pushed him a couple of times so he had to face Kenma sheltering him from others, from this angle he could look directly at his dark roots, he wanted to lean on his head.

"We almost there" he says to reassure him.

"Okay" he answers softly.

This is the perfect moment to talk with him. He clears his throat before speaking.

"How were your classes?"

"Normal, yours?"

"Yeah same."

Maybe he should follow those magazine advices he had been reading so much lately or he could follow the example in the letter and ask him about a fun fact about him.

"What do you usually do on the train? I always travel alone most of the time so I usually play on my PSP, but when I’m standing I usually listen to some music."

He thanks him internally for making conversation. "Ehh I also listen to music, I like to relax, but not enough to fall asleep, that would be embarrassing I couldn’t be that careless". He says while looking at the person a few seats behind that was sleeping with his head resting against the window.

"Ohhh" Kenma says looking down at his shoes, his head was resting on the tube and he looked tired. Shit, why did he open his mouth?

"I mean uhmm I have never slept on the train, but I don’t judge those who does it, once I let a lady sleep on my shoulder."

Kenma giggles. "It just happens sometimes, I have to learn to control my sleep schedule."

"Yes, although it’s dangerous, don't you think?" He didn’t want someone to rob Kenma or that he would fall asleep and ended up way too far from his home.

Kenma rolls his eyes, "I can't help it."

"I can talk to you, uhmmm by messages, we can talk along the way so you don't get bored, only if you want."

Kenma raises his head and his golden eyes were looking directly at him, a small smile is drawn on his face, "I would like that."

"My parents are not here so no one will bother us." He says as he holds the door for them to enter, they take off their shoes delicately.

"Again? It's like the third time this month."

"Yes, as I told you, they travel regularly."

"Your house is very big."

"Oh, thank you?" Kenma laughs, he looks calmer than normal, it must be due to the lack of strangers. "Do you want anything? A tea? Juice? Water?"

Kenma shakes his head, "I'm fine, thanks."

He guides him to his room upstairs, his room is tidy and he tells him that he can sit on the bed, he runs down to his kitchen and brings him a glass of apple juice anyway, he knows it's his favorite.

Keiji works with his laptop, while Kenma was with his phone and books, both work in perfect harmony, it doesn't take them more than three hours to finish the report.

"I think is done, I can perfect the details if you want." The two of them were sitting on the floor, Keiji had his laptop on his lap and Kenma was sitting cross-legged.

"Okay" Kenma replies as he stretches out his arms.

"We can do the English homework in the meantime, but I'm hungry, are you hungry? I can order a pizza or I can cook, emmm, what do you prefer?"

Kenma looks at him for a few seconds before answering, "Whatever you want, whatever is easier."

At the end they decide on a pizza with extra cheese. Kenma stands and start looking through some of his books while they wait, "you have a lot."

"Yes, I like to read, do you?"

"Ahh a little, but not as much as you surely, I prefer to read manga."

"Ohh, I have some" he stretches out his arm and gives him the last manga he bought, "Do you know them?"

"Not really," Kenma holds them in his hands and laughs, "I didn't know you liked shojo."

His cheeks immediately flush, "Ehhh I don’t like them, I bought them recently just for the cover, I didn't know what they were really about."

Kenma smiles mischievously at him "Sure.”

The conversation flowed smoothly while they ate, Kenma made him laugh several times, he even almost spit out all of his drink because of him. He learned different things from the blonde, like is an only child, that he used to play volleyball as a child but he really didn’t like it that much, that red is his favorite color, that he doesn't really like summer because it's too hot but he doesn't like winter either because it's very cold, Keiji laughs at that but apparently Kenma was being serious. When they were finishing the english homework, he implied that that they could go to his house one day to play video games, Keiji didn't know a thing about the subject but he could always investigate.

The two were walking towards the station, Kenma said it was fine, but Keiji insisted.

"Will you buy your game with the money?"

"Yeah, maybe next week. What if he wants his money back or something?"

"Simple, I won’t give it to him, the work is impeccable, there is no reason to ask for a refund and it’s not my fault if he’s not satisfied with the grade, so don't worry."

"Hmmm I don't know how you do this, it's a lot of pressure, don’t you get stressed?"

"Hmm of course not, if i do I would not continue doing this, my mental health comes first, although lately I’ve been getting gray hair."

Kenma giggles, "Then maybe I'll go buy the game on Monday after school."

"Great.”

"Ummm ehh do you want to go with me?

Keiji stops his feet for a few seconds. Was it a date? Or like a friends thing? In the end he would just be walking him to the store. Kenma also stops and looks at him from ahead, he bends down to pretend doing something with his shoe. "After school? Count on me."

Kenma has a soft smile on his face "Thank you."

They wait a while in silence, the station was almost deserted, perhaps it would be good to him to get romantically involved with someone. He told himself a while back that he didn't really need any friends and Kenma came to destroy his theory, he likes having someone. It could be a good thing making their friendship grow into something more, from what he can remember he never saw Kenma show interest in someone, but neither saw him talking to someone like he does with him.

"What do you plan to study?"

Kenma shrugs "I don't know yet, you?"

"Ahh yes me neither. But do you have any idea which college to go to?"

"Nope, I'll worry about it in a couple months."

I knew it, he can’t pursue a relationship that would have no future, what will happen when they have to separate? "Ahhh."

"Well, I'd better get going," the train was approaching "See you on Monday!" Kenma was about to get on, but he stops him lightly with his arm.

"Kenma?" His golden eyes looked at him intrigued "Will you talk to me on your way home? Hmmm to make sure you don't fall asleep..." his friends blinks a few times before nodding at him, he can see how he waves his hand saying goodbye already inside his train.

He stares for a few minutes after deciding to move and his phone vibrates in his leg.

**-I'm in**

Keiji smiles when he sees the message on his phone screen, the little blond had a huge influence on him.

It wasn’t that late yet when he finished doing all his homework, he was happy and his heart was satisfied, he clutches his chest, maybe if he started writing the letter thinking about Kenma he would have all the necessary inspiration to gain the trust of Kuroo's suitor. He was lying on his bed with his laptop on his lap, the words flowed quickly.

He compliment the length of her hair, her bright smile, the elegance of her movements, how her eyes eclipsed the rest of the world, how her beauty took the air out of his lungs... he thought more and more about Kenma when writing the love letter, he couldn't get him out of his head.

"You've outdone yourself this time." Kuroo Tetsurou was in front of his locker... again.

"I just told her what I thought she would like to hear."

"I’m sure we will win her heart with this" Kuroo was leaning against the wall smiling like an idiot.

He raises an eyebrow "What will you do when she finally accept you? Will you date or something?"

He can swear he saw a glimpse of a pink color on his cheeks. "I don't know, I guess we'll decide it together." A girl passes near them, he sees how she winks at the captain of the volleyball team and he responds by giving her his famous smirk.

How long will it take Kuroo Tetsurou to break the fragile heart of the girl? He doesn't have time to feel regret or bad for her, he was holding in his hand the heavy envelope that contained the money from his immoral work, today he would spend it on Kenma and that was the only thing that mattered.

  
  
  



	4. Jane Doe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

"And this is about a girl who has to fight with her own adoptive family to save the world."

They were walking around the video game store, it was a foreign world for Keiji, he knew almost nothing about games, they had been in the store for almost half an hour, but he liked to hear him speak, his eyes sparkled every time they talked about a different game.

"Which is your favorite?"

Kenma snorts. "What a vague question, it's like me asking you, Hey, what's your favorite book? I need to separate them at least in three different categories, but I think this would be my favorite in the horror genre." 

Keiji can't help but laugh, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry what a ridiculous question I asked," he takes the game that the blonde was going to buy in his hands, "I didn't know it was a horror game.”

"It has zombies on the cover. What did you think it was about?" He raises an eyebrow and a tiny smirk appears on his face. "Did you think it was about romance?"

"W-what? No... no" he was playing with him, he hits him on the shoulder playfully.

They were lining up to pay, he wonders how many games the blonde had, every time he asked about one he said he already had it, they must have cost a fortune, he felt the need to see them. Were they arranged alphabetically? By genre? What were his three categories?

"Akaashi"

"Akaashi come on!"

He wakes up from his trance, he looks back and apologizes to the preteen behind him in line "Sorry."

They walk through the center of Tokyo, they visit some stores, they even go to a bookstore to ask about a book that he was waiting for, it hasn’t arrived yet. They pass by a sports store and decide to enter, he was looking for some good running shoes.

"Do you go out to run every day?"

Keiji looked at some sneakers, "Ummm every weekend and sometimes before classes when I have the time."

Kenma grimaces "How do you do it?"

He was trying on black sneakers "ehhh I go to bed at a reasonable hour."

Kenma rolls his eyes "That's because you are an old man."

"An old man who likes to go jogging? Guilty." Keiji stands up and walks a few steps, "I think I like them, what do you think?"

"Ehmm they are pretty, ehh they suit you well."

That was enough to decide to buy them, he likes to think about the fact that now if he wanted to go to some place out he could ask Kenma if he wanted to go with him. If they had not come together, Keiji would have gone out on a Sunday morning to avoid people as much as possible, it would have taken him just a couple of minutes to choose the sneakers and then he would have gone straight home, going out with a friend was much more fun.

Before leaving, he takes off his tie and undoes the first buttons of his shirt, the heat was unbearable today, it was kind of strange, since they were close to winter, global warming is the answer. 

"We could go for ice cream if you want," Kenma nods enthusiastically.

It had been a while since the last time he had an ice cream, there were too many flavors so from nervousness he chooses the one that would never fail, vanilla. Kenma chooses a double strawberry with chocolate sauce, when they had to pay, Keiji quickly takes out his wallet and pays for both ice creams.

"The next one is on me" Kenma says when they sit down at one of the tables.

He doesn't know if it's the delicious taste of the ice cream or the fact that there will be a next time that makes him smile like an idiot. Kenma talks to him about the theories of his game and tells him that he can't wait to play it. Will he be scared while playing it? Suddenly he feels his leg vibrating, he asks Kenma for permission before taking out his phone, it could be his parents, if it was a client he would put him on his blacklist for interrupting his non-Date with Kenma, it was just Kuroo so he puts the phone back in his pocket.

Kenma offers him of his own ice cream when clearly he couldn’t keep eating it anymore, it didn’t look very appetizing due to being melted and mixed with the chocolate sauce its color was quite strange, even so he accepts it because the scene looked good in his head, the two eating of the same ice cream. He almost finishes it himself while Kenma played with his console, he takes out his cell phone to answer Kuroo's messages.

**-I just got out of practice, I think it worked cause she left me a letter in my locker**

**-She had never written to me on the same day**

**-She hates me**

**-It's your fault**

**-She hates meeeeeeeeeee**

**-What do we do?**

**-Heeeeey**

**-Akaashi**

**-Are you there?**

**\- :(**

**-Akaashiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii**

**-I can see you online**

**-Akaashiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii**

-Kuroo, I'm busy, what does the letter say?

He sends him a photo with some crossed out words.

_"Thank you, I was waiting for your shallow personality to finally came to light, you don't need to lie again and I really thought that we were already becoming friends."_

What?

He didn't understand, the letter was perfect. Did he treat her like an object? Maybe he should have talked more about her intelligence or her sense of humor, idiot he says to himself.

-I don't understand it. Did you add something else to the letter?

**-Ummm ..… not quite**

-What did you say to her?

**-I just add something at the end**

-What?

**-I just said she was super hot ;)**

Idiot, he was going to ruin all his work...

-Idiot.

**-What???!!! But if it's only the truth**

-I will fix it, tell me how she looks, if you say no, there is no longer any way of salvation.

He notices that Kuroo read the message but he doesn’t answer him, he sighs before putting his phone back on his pocket, Kenma was looking at him.

"They were my parents" he doesn't know why he lies to him. Kenma nods, "They are home and they want me to spend time together."

He was waiting for Kenma to leave first, they were sitting at the station waiting for his train.

“Let me know how it goes with the zombies."

Kenma smiles at him when he gets up "You know I could teach you if you want, in my house, it doesn't have to be that one specifically, I have hundreds of games in case you want to play or something, when you're free of course."

"Y-yes, that would be great" Kenma doesn’t look at his face at any time until he gets in and shyly says goodbye to him with his hand.

He’s resting his head against the window, if he wasn’t this happy he would probably be asleep right now, that reminds him of talking to Kenma during the trip, he sends him a message asking him if there are too many people there, he immediately replies that no, they don’t talk about anything serious, they just send each other meaningless messages.

When he gets home the first thing he does is take a shower and clean the house a little, he has plenty of free time considering he doesn't have to do other people's homework, Kuroo hasn't written to him yet so he lies down on his bed to read his new guilty pleasure. It’s not that he needs the information from the manga about love to write in the letter, with that answer she gave them, he doubts that she will write to them again, he reads it because he began to like it and he could learn some things to then put them into practice with Kenma.

It was a little bit silly honestly, the characters clearly liked each other and they do nothing about it, if he was completely one hundred percent sure that Kenma likes him, he would surely invite him on a date right away. He flip through the magazine before hearing a message on his phone, he enthusiastically pulls it out thinking it was Kenma, but it was just Kuroo.

**-Blonde, short, golden eyes, smart, funny, a little shy... insanely gorgeous.**

Well that’s going to work for now, he tries to imagine the face of the stranger, he will call her Jane Doe. His school was big and with hundreds of students, maybe he didn't even know her, yet he tries to remember if he knows the girl, he never pays too much attention to them so it's useless. He also didn't know Kuroo much before so he doesn't know if he has seen them together before or not.

_"Lie? You underestimate yourself, if only you could see yourself through my eyes."_

Maybe the girl has self-esteem issues, considering that she didn't like them saying how cute she was, apparently she thought they were lying to her, he sighs before typing on his computer again.

_"You will see how I usually get lost in your eyes, when I feel uneasy and tense, it is your eyes that I think about, the gold and the brightness of these make me look for your gaze constantly. Do you see me?_

_Have you ever wondered if your golden eyes can meet mine? Will you smile if you catch me?"_

He immediately thinks of Kenma, it wasn't a bad thing, he just needed a little inspiration, he gulps. If only he knew how his golden eyes haunt him in his dreams. "Huh" that's good, he will write it down.

After continuing writing a few more paragraphs, he concludes that it’s so much easier to write for someone you really love, rather than for a stranger. "Love?" He says out loud, the color fades from his face, he doesn’t think he loves him, that’s a very strong feeling, they do not know each other enough and they have barely hang out together after school. My God! He doesn't even know if Kenma is attracted to men.

Besides, what would happen if he accepts his feelings? What? Will they live happily ever after? Will they walk holding their hands? Will they go on dates? Would they kiss? Suddenly, he is liking wherever this is going. He shakes his head to clear all his unrequited feelings... for now.

What if he writes a letter to Kenma? He could confess, many people do it and he has never written one. He likes his idea until he remembers all the confession letters he had received in the past, none of which ended with a happy ending. But Kenma is different, he is different from him, he is not a fucking idiot like him. In the worst scenarios he says no and they keep going as friends, it would be a little awkward at first but he could live with it. In the best scenario? He would reciprocate his feelings and they will kiss in the moment. Kenma would keep the letter forever, but it would only be the first of many, he would write more and more revealing all his feelings, he would not even wait for a letter in return.

There might be a slight chance of that happening... he's never seen Kenma talking to someone else at school and he hasn’t talk about other people either, he must be special to him, or so he likes to think. If Keiji open up more to him, then Kenma would do the same, this is how friendships work, perhaps if he comments that he likes men, no. He cannot, nobody knows, he has never told anyone. Once he wrote it on a piece of paper and then he burned it, he was a fool, he doesn't even know why he did it. But what will Kenma do with the information? He would stop talking to you, he would tell others, tell you that you are disgusting, tell your parents… His demons were happy to appear to spit poison into his mind. No, Kenma wouldn't do that, he would accept him, that's what he would do, isn't that what friends did?

Aghhh, he lies down on his bed to forget his internal struggle and looks up at his ceiling, it was still decorated with those stars that shine on the dark. When he was little he wanted to go to the moon. First you wanted to be an astronaut and now you want to be a writer? It's what his parents had told him. Oh please! He was only a little boy after being infatuated with the Buzz lightyear toy, in the end his parents never bought it for him.

He tosses and turns in his bed, he was feeling a little sad, tears threaten to come out of his eyes, if he could remember correctly it had been years since the last time he cried. He picks up his phone and begins to write a message to his parents asking how are they doing and before sending it, he deletes it. He opens his chat where Kenma's message was saying that he had already get down of the train, surely he is busy with his game, he had no reason to disturb him. He still writes to him.

-The sneakers fit me perfectly, maybe tomorrow I’ll put the team to the test. Thanks for today.

He had already told him that his new shoes fit him well, but he wanted an excuse to talk to him, he probably won't answer him, since he said he would play his new video game all day. Still, it feels good to have someone to talk to. His heart stops beating when he hears a message, holding his breath he waits exactly 60 seconds before opening it.

**-You finished it???**

Damn Kuroo Tetsurou. He brings his laptop closer to him and sends the email.

-Yes, I just sent it to you, good luck.

He lies back in his bed for a few minutes when his cell phone rings again, he quickly approaches it without getting excited in case it is not Kenma, it was Kuroo again.

**-Wooow dude, I’ll win her with this <3 <3 thanksssss!!!**

He lets out a sigh, I hope he does, he didn't feel like continuing with the farce of the letter and with the enthusiasm of the volleyball player, he wanted to approach the girl face to face himself and tell her to please accept Kuroo Tetsurou.

After answering, he doesn’t realize he had a message from Kenma, he opens it without following his seconds rule.

**-That’s good!! They are pretty**

**-But thanks to you for joining me today, it was fun**

He takes a deep breath before writing again.

-Yes it was, we should do it again sometime.

-Hey how's the game going? Did you already annihilate all the zombies?

He waits without taking his eyes off the screen for the blonde's answer, he played it safe so there should be no problems. He sees him writes and then don’t, the bubble that tell him he still writing reappears.

**-Almost .... I took a little break but I'm on the right track**

He waits 60 seconds before opening the message, he waits about 20 more, 10 extra seconds. Well maybe Kenma didn't pay attention to the first message, it was his fault for being a coward.

"I'm glad" he was writing when he received another message in Kenma's chat.

**-Of course, besides is my turn to treat you**

Shit, he deletes what he was writing, his heart was screaming with joy, he tries to calm his breath to write quickly.

-I can not wait :)

He doesn’t know how long he stays watching the screen of his cell phone, but it’s enough for his cheeks to start hurting from smiling so much. Maybe confessing his feelings wasn't so bad after all, he goes to his computer and starts typing.

_"Dear Kenma"_

...

Well, no one said it had to be today, he leaves the document stored in a secret folder in case he continues writing at another time.

  
  


"Thanks Akaashi I was almost failing this class."

"It's nothing, if you need something else you can just tell me."

"Ohh all right, do you accept tips?"

"Huh? I don’t know. No one had ever offered it to me before."

"Then I'll be the first one, won't I?"

"I suppose..."

He was delivering a chemistry presentation to a regular client, Sadashi was a tall, popular and a pretty girl, her hair was blonde, it kinda looked like Kenma's but was longer and lighter, it also looked more dull than his friend's. Maybe she could be Kuroo’s mysterious girl, she was tall but not as tall as him and her eyes were light hazel, you could almost see gold in the light.

"See you Akaashi" she shouts waving her hand in the air as she walks away. He didn't like the fact that she tipped him, her homework wasn't that difficult and it felt a little weird, but money was money, he wasn't going to complain. Also if she was Kuroo’s girl, he could investigate her.

When he goes for lunch at the cafeteria Kenma wasn’t there, he will have to eat alone. He gets up to go to his classroom because there was a lot of noise in that place, halfway there he receives a message from Kenma saying to go to the 101 classroom. He knew where it was but he had never entered, apparently it was an abandoned unlocked classroom, when he enters he sees Kenma sitting on the floor with his bento in his lap, he moves his hand and taps on the floor indicating that he should seat next to him.

"I found it at the beginning of the year, sometimes I have lunch here and I thought you would like to eat here too."

It was a little dusty but it was definitely better than the noisy school cafeteria, and it made him feel warm in the chest knowing that Kenma had shared his secret place with him. "I like it, from now on we can eat here if you want."

Kenma nods "But you must not tell anyone."

He lets out a small laugh, "Who would I tell so? You are my only friend here," the more information I gave him with the more information he would answer. But the blonde doesn't say anything, he just lowers his head.

They eat in silence and after a while Kenma starts playing on his console, now that he was paying attention he looked tired and had big dark circles under his eyes. "Don't tell me you spent the whole night playing Outbreak ll?"

"No?" Kenma looks him in the eye and Keiji raises an eyebrow, "not all night."

"At what time did you go to bed?"

"Hmmm about four..."

"Kenma, you have to take care of your sleep schedule, it’s not healthy."

"Okay" he rolls his eyes. It takes a while after he talks again. "If you played you would know how addicting it is."

Keiji had his head resting on the wall. "You know I'm not very fond of video games, but it's because I've never given myself the time to play them."

"Hmmm, would you like to? I mean would you like to come play at my house?"

Keiji looks at him out of the corner of his eye, because he would not know what to do if his golden eyes were looking directly at him, luckily he was focused on his game, although he can notice a slight pink color on his cheeks, he doesn’t want to get too excited so he convinces himself that it's nothing. "Of course, I would like to learn.

He hears the heavy breathing Kenma lets out "Okay, Friday?"

It's a date. "Sounds perfect."

He was leaving school more excited than ever, he can't wait for the week to go by quickly, in just two days he was going to be able to spend time with Kenma at his house. Kuroo Tetsurou apparently shared his excitement because he was approaching him with a big smile on his face. He was in his volleyball uniform, perhaps on his way to practice.

"Akaashi" he says with a big smile.

"Ummm Kuroo" The taller one guides the way to the gym, he rolls his eyes but follows him anyway.

"She gave me her email." Thanks to all the Gods that existed! Finally... now he wasn't going to bother him anymore.

"I'm happy for you, I hope everything goes well with her and -"

"I mean, it is not something as important as her phone number" he interrupts, Keiji raises an eyebrow, "it is just as we don’t get caught by someone delivering the letters like old people."

"Well, it's almost the same, so congratulations I guess."

"I already have it, look!" he puts the cell phone in his face, he has to move away and come closer to read better, "it will be less complicated than writing the letters by hand and we can write to each other several times a day, you can link the account I created to your email so that you can receive them directly."

What?

"What?"

"Aghh is just that, I was thinking that you can continue pretending to be me?"

What?

"What?"

"W- well I, this I ... there is no way I can write like you, what if she realizes?"

What?

"What?"

"You will not send her anything without my permission, I would check it first and then I will send it and I can pay you, it will be like a salary! Please, please Akaashi."

What?

"No, it was one thing to send her letters, but this ... this is - sorry."

"Come on, come on, please, at least think about it, you would be saving my life."

Keiji sighs, "I will think about it, but I don't think I will change my mind, this is different from what I do, besides I am sure that you are perfectly capable of winning her heart through your own words, isn't that how it is done today? "

"Yes, but she is different ... she is different, she doesn't even want me to use her name because she thinks I am playing with her and that I will show her all her messages to make fun of her. As if I were capable of doing something like that!"

He didn't know if he was capable of doing something like that or not, this made him feel more insecure for the poor girl and now he was 100% convinced that the girl had a boyfriend. "As I said, I will think about it, although I don't want to get involved in something where she ends up with a broken heart. "

"I won't, I promise, I like her, I really like her, I just have to convince her to give me a chance.

"I'll think about it".

"Thank you!"

He could hear the happiness in Kuroo's voice, he still hasn’t accept his offer but this could help him to practice so he could know how to talk to Kenma, he just had to make sure that she never founds out and nothing would go wrong.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Twitter: @ReadsVale
> 
> Just one more day left... and I'm not ready at all.  
> I've already saw some spoilers for the final chapter (Fucking Twitter) and I'm so sad because is ending and I have not even been in this fandom that long, I just saw Haikyuu for the first time in February so i can't even imagine how it's going to be for the people who has been watching the anime or reading the manga for years now... If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that we are going to have a special place in our hearts dedicated only to Haikyuu, it's just too many memories and we will cherish them forever. Thank you Furudate!!!!


	5. The Steps to follow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this fill our void that Haikyuu left, at least a little...  
> Enjoy!!

"We are here."

"Thank you," he says as he takes off his shoes at the entrance while Kenma holds the door for him.

"My parents will surely arrive later, I already told them that you would come here, so there will be no problem."

Did he talks with his parents about me? Maybe I should do the same with mine. Hey dad and mom there is a boy that I really really like from school, his name is Kenma and he is amazing, you will love to meet him. "Your house is very elegant Kenma."

Kenma lets out a laugh. "Come on let's go to my room." His house was nice, it was smaller than his and it didn't have a second floor, his living room was big but cozy and well, it was a little messy, especially what he could see of the kitchen, but it wasn't so terrible.

He was a little nervous about entering Kenma's room, he didn't know what to expect. Millions of games on the shelves? A giant TV to play? Would it smell like him? He puts a mental note in his head of not being so obvious when smelling his room. As they walk down the hall, he can see other doors, most likely his parents' room, the bathroom, and perhaps a guest room. When he opens the door, he can see almost nothing, it's a little dark, Kenma laughs and walks forwards to open the dark curtains. His bed was unmade, not everyone has the time to make it before going to class, he could see a few books on the floor next to several papers, on his nightstand he could see traces of what he suspect to be his breakfast, there was a not so obvious bundle of clothes lying under the bed, on his desk was a pile of messy books and he could see some game covers, he recognized it by the vibrant color of these.

He tries not to look around too much so as not to make him feel uncomfortable, when he walks he almost trips over some cables, Kenma simply bends and hides them under his furniture so they don't get in the way. His room was not the cleanest and tidiest we could say, but somehow it looked very Kenma, it was a light blue color and had some posters hanging although he could not identify what were about, same with the figures that were scattered throughout the room. Years had passed since the last time he visited a friend's room.

"Sorry for the mess, let me make the bed quickly so you can sit down." Keiji nods, he was going to offer his help but it would be a little bit intimate. "Ahh sit in the chair in the meantime."

Keiji sits in the desk chair, it was quite big, super comfortable and it didn’t squeak like his own chair. His desk also looks big, he have several papers on top mixed with notebooks and envelopes, his computer looks modern and there were some headphones plug in, he recognized the brand because once they tried to pay him with one of those headphones, obviously he didn't accept them, then when he got home and googled the headphones brand, he realized that they cost a fortune and he probably should have accepted them. In front of him there’s a large TV hanging on the wall, his parents never let him have a television in his bedroom.

Kenma quickly finishes his bed and begins to pick up the trash he had on his nightstand next to his half-eaten breakfast and a cup. "I'll be right back," he says. Keiji rolls in the chair and contemplates his room, it does smells like him. Under his feet he could see some crumpled papers near the garbage can, and when he saw the bed already made the room didn’t look that messy anymore. He has some pillows stacked together and Keiji knows that they are Pokemon, they were three, a blue, orange and a yellow one, they were similar but he couldn't remember their names. When the blond returns he hands him a glass of juice and puts the other on top of his the desk, he drinks it with gusto after thanking him. Kenma sits cross-legged on his bed. He turns on his tv apparently with the game ready to play, he could see some characters in a post-apocalyptic world before his friend pulled out the game. Kenma moves a little and with his outstretched hand he looks for something under his bed, he moves it from side to side until he drags a box out, he rummages a bit until he takes out a game, Kenma shows it to him excited.

"Mario Kart?"

"Yep, do you know it?"

"Actually not, I'm sorry."

"WHAT? You have never heard of Mario Kart?"

Keiji shakes his head a little embarrassed, this was not his strong suit at all and he felt a little nervous about that fact. He had researched a few games before coming but most were about strategy or fighting battles like the ones Kenma usually use to play, from what he can see in the tv this seems to be a game for little kids. Kenma teaches him the function of each button (again) before starting to play and explains the mechanics of the game (again), it’s a race, choose a character and drive the car, try to reach the finish line first dodging the obstacles and pushing the others. Well, that’s actually a terrible example for kids about car safety.

Keiji tries to advance but his car wasn’t moving at all, Kenma approaches and tells him which button to press, he was the slowest of all and he crashed with the road every five seconds, the worst thing is that every time Kenma passes him by he had the audacity to pushed him away, he let out a little cry as his friend laughed. Kenma mentioned him that it was not necessary to move his arms along the controller, but he couldn't help but shake the controller with each movement he made, from up and down, from side to side and getting a little closer to the TV, his friend laughed a little at him but he didn’t care that much, he likes the sound of his laugh.

After losing the first twenty times in a row, it was he himself who kept insisting to continue playing, at least he had to try not to be in last place, he also had to admit that he was having fun, he supposes that if he manages to beat Kenma it would be even more fun. But the blonde came out on first place every single race except one time a dragon / turtle beat him, since Kenma had to help him so that he didn't continue moving towards the opposite direction of the finishing line.

Time flew by, they played other games, they ate snacks and drinks, they talked for a while about nothing really important and when they heard the door Kenma didn't get up from his seat to greet his parents, it was them who come to the room.

"Hello, you must be Keiji". A sweet woman, what he suppose is Kenma's mother says to him.

"Akaashi Keiji yes, good afternoon" he was going to stand to greet them properly but Kenma gestured him with his hand for him to stay seated.

"It is a pleasure to have you in our home, Kenma has told us a lot about you."

He didn't know what to answer to that. Thank you? What exactly has he said about me? It is a pleasure to be here in your son's bedroom?

"Why don’t we leave them while we make dinner dear?" Kenma's father waves his hand at him and then puts it on his wife's shoulder. "You are staying for dinner, right?"

He opened his mouth to respond but before he did Kenma was already talking without taking his eyes off the game.

"Yes, Keiji will stay, he likes onigiri."

"Well then, I'll get right on it.” Kenma's mother says enthusiastically.

He doesn't know how words come out of his mouth after his brain short-circuited hearing his name come out of Kenma's lips. "Anything is fine, I don't want to intrude."

"It’s nothing" Kenma's mother says waving her hand delicately.

"Thank you for the invitation," he says gently before they leave the room.

"I think they bought apple pie, I can smell it from here. Do you like it?"

"Ahh? Yes, I do like it."

"Great, don't worry, my mom is a good cook."

"What? Yes, I wasn't questioning it." Apparently his expression was reflecting what his mind had just been through.

"Well, you look a little worried."

"Ahh, no, no, that's not why. Certainly I would love her food." And if he doesn't, he'll still eat it all.

"So what is it?"

"What?"

"What are you worried about?"

Shit, control your words Keiji. "Ahh no, just ehhh I didn't expect you to call me by my name, just that."

"Ohhh, if it bothers you I won't do it again." Kenma kept playing and pressing the buttons without looking at his face.

"Nooo, I mean... It doesn't bother me, it just surprised me, but it definitely doesn't bother me."

"Well, you call me Kenma so..."

And that was the end of the conversation, the only people who called him by his name were his parents, he didn't even remember if someone had done it outside his small family circle. Some time ago Kenma had insisted on calling him by his name, perhaps he was doing it so that he could also call him by his given name and he had made him wait all this time. His mind kept wandering until they were called for dinner, the food was delicious and the conversation was pleasant, they asked him basic things about his life and he answered them with a few more questions to make conversation, Kenma was the only one who remained silent playing with half of the food on his plate.

"Do you want more Keiji?"

He feels Kenma's hand on his thigh pinching him lightly. "No thank you, the food was delicious. May I help with the dishes?"

"Oh no dear, don't worry. Kenma you should learn from your friend."

Kenma rolls his eyes. "Can we eat apple pie now?"

Kenma's father serves them two pieces each on a plate, and Kenma stands up from the table leading him back to his room. They both sit on the bed eating. He is surprised to see that Kenma literally swallowed the dessert. The two were face to face sitting cross-legged. Kenma was playing with his cell phone and he saw him frowning his face.

"Is everything all right?"

"Hmmm yes, did you like it?"

"Ahh yes, it’s delicious." His first slice was almost finished and Kenma’s plate was already empty. "Although I'm full, do you want it?"

The blonde's eyes sparkle and he happily accepts the piece of apple pie. "You know? It's fun to play with someone, even if you suck. But you can improve."

"Thank you?" He didn't know if it was a good or a bad thing, but he liked to think that it was the first "I will try to practice."

"How?" Kenma was licking the bottom lip of his mouth.

Trying to look away before his stupid brain starts thinking about different scenarios, he shrugs. "Maybe I’ll buy one of those devices, How is it called again?"

"What?" Kenma laughs. "It’s not necessary, you can practice here, hmmm maybe some Fridays after school, if you can, or it could be any day you can."

"Kenma, I'd love to, Fridays are fine, if you'll have me."

The blonde insists on walking him to the station and he happily accepts. The two waited in a comfortable silence. Keiji was fiddling with his fingers inside his jacket pocket and Kenma surprisingly is without his console in his hands.

"Maybe next Friday I can beat you." He wanted to make it clear that they would meet again.

"You wish, it will take you time and practice" the blond sighs. "Will you talk to me until you get home?"

"Okay."

They remain silent until his train arrives, he says goodbye with his hand, wishing him a good weekend.

"See you on Monday Keiji."

He turns to look at Kenma and nods because he doesn't trust his voice. It was already enough with the tickling in his stomach and how fast his heart was beating. Not even two minutes had passed when he received a message from Kenma, a smile was formed on his face when he saw it.

He was seriously considering taking Kuroo's offer, he had wanted to write to Kenma all weekend, but he just couldn't. It used to be easy to talk to him through a screen when they barely known each other because they didn't talk face to face and this was the only way to communicate, but now that their "relationship" was getting better and better, it was more difficult for him to write to him.

Drafts of what he wanted to tell him were thousands. How's your day going? Did you finish your game? What are you doing? Thanks for inviting me, I had a great time. Tomorrow we will have lunch in our place, right?

But he didn't send any, because he's an idiot and a coward. Kenma didn't write to him either. If he improved his casual conversation skills through a screen, he could write with Kenma more often. In addition, Kuroo would be there checking everything, he could learn a few things from him, he knew that he had dozens of past relationships, he must be doing something right... or something completely wrong because who goes out with dozens of teenagers in such a short time. He writes to Kuroo anyway.

**-Give me the email.**

-Thank you, thank you!!!!!!!

He replied after a few seconds but hours passed when he sent another message along with the user and password.

It was a new account, he could notice it because it only had two emails, one of them is the one welcoming him to the account and the other was a conversation with several emails, his profile picture was of a black cat, it didn’t seem to be his pet, perhaps it was a Google image.

His email address was Blackat and his password was literally the word password.

He scrolls down through the other emails, it was almost a conversation with Jane Doe or,

Applepi.

They were just talking about their day with quite short phrases and answers, it was not very long despite the fact that they had been writing for three days now. Well, there goes his plan on learning how to conquer Kenma with the indirect help of Kuroo Tetsurou. The captain was just as bad as him when talking with someone who really likes. At least he wasn't up to his level, the last conversation was from Kuroo asking "Do you remember what you dreamed last night?" the poor girl replied no.

**-Really? What were you to getting at by asking her what she dreamed?**

-Aghhh I was going to mention a dream study that people who remembered their dreams had more capacity to process information faster, are more aware of their surroundings and react quickly to spontaneous situations.

**-Ummm ...why?**

-I don't know, I read it last night and I was nervous, ok? I thought it would be a good way to start a conversation, and who doesn't remember their dreams?

**-I do not remember most of my dreams along with 67% of the world population.**

-ok, ok what's done is done, what are you planning to write to her?

If I knew, trust me I would do it...

**-Something simple, don’t let it be a short conversation, but rather that we continue writing letters to her, you could begin by telling her about your day.**

-I didn't do anything interesting, I spent most of the time stressing over her email.

**-Well, make up something interesting.**

-Aren't you supposed to be honest in a relationship????

**\- ... really?**

-Just kidding hashah

Now that he thinks about it, it's a good idea, he could tell Kenma what he had done that day, but his friend prefer short and simple words when answering, it wouldn't do him any good to write him if he sends him a "yes" or a "no" back. Why was this so difficult? After all, he had easily written to Jane Doe / Applepi / Kuroo's secret girl. Perhaps it was because the repercussions of his sayings would not affect him but Kuroo.

He decides to clear his mind working on some essays that he didn't have to deliver until the following week, but this way he will have more opportunities to accept more work this week. It’s not until an hour later that Applepi answers the email.

_ "Is there ever a time when you're not practicing volleyball? Or is that the only thing you talk about? And yes, I also saw that episode on sleep disorders from the Netflix documentary. My day was normal, I haven't done anything productive." _

Wow, I think Kuroo was right when he said that she hated him.

-You should have used your words better

**-It's not my fault that she is so rude, do I respond in the same way or I have to be friendly?**

-Obviously the second : /

He sighs before writing again, he’s sure that the girl is only playing with him, Kuroo must be so superficial that he must not care about her personality at all. In the same way this reassures him. Thank goodness he didn't write to Kenma.

_ "I like to talk about volleyball because I like it. I'm sorry, it's one of my flaws not to stop thinking about the things I like, that's why I haven't been able to get you out of my mind all day. Ahhh, Sundays are like that after all. I can't wait until tomorrow so I can see you, even for a few seconds, seeing your eyes makes my day. " _

Short and precise he thought before receiving Kuroo's approval to send it. He would write more but he needed more information about her.

**-Do you talk in class with her?**

He wanted to know if there was a time at school when Kuroo and Jane Doe talk.

-No, we don't share any classes, and we have only crossed words a couple of times, I can't bring myself to speak to her

So Jane Doe is indeed younger than him, because it would be strange if they didn't share at least one class, so she must be at least a year younger. He also didn’t understand Kuroo's nervousness, he had seen him in the hallways these past years holding hands with different girls, he has experience and it should be easy for him to talk to a girl. Maybe that's what is against him, he has a reputation too big to ignore and Jane Doe just can't trust him, somehow he understood her. He would not know if he could be with such a player being aware of his long list of conquests.

Why me? It's what he could almost read in every answer he had read from her, maybe he should work harder and focus on gaining her trust than praise her in every letter.

What is the first step for a relationship?

Well, having a relationship. It has to start with friendship, he knew that Kuroo didn’t consider her as a friend but rather as a conquest and he highly doubts that she saw him as a friend too. That's what he had to do, they have to be friends first so later they can level up their relationship.

So he couldn't think of anything better than to make a list with different steps to follow to make their relationship go from strangers to acquaintances, from friends to liking each other and finally to boyfriend and girlfriend. Well, assuming that's what Kuroo Tetsurou wanted to get to, he was really hoping that’s the case, he didn't want to get involved in this for the girl ended up being one more on his list.

He was in the step 57 "Calling each other by their given name" when he realized that he had already completed several of these steps with Kenma himself. His relationship had advanced quite a bit, he hadn't noticed that his relationship with Kenma was going so well and it had only taken him almost five months.

Suddenly he feels ridiculous for not speaking to Kenma, they were already friends and he had no reason to fear his answer, they were confident enough to message each other, so without any concern and with his body less tense than he had been all day long, he sends a message to Kenma.

**-How has your day been?**

Bad decision, it was two AM and he still hasn’t received any answer, he was looking at the ceiling with his hand clinging to his phone, even Jane Doe had answered the email to Kuroo and they were only in the step number 4. Maybe he was ignoring him, or he just went to bed early, no, that was impossible, it was 11 when he wrote the message and he usually saw Kenma online at 12 when he went to bed late himself, and he understood that on weekends he went to bed super late. Yes, he was definitely ignoring him. Did he do something wrong? Was it revenge for not talking to him all weekend? Didn't he want to be his friend anymore? Does he knows about his feelings for him?

Fuck, there was no way to erase the message, it was just giving him a headache and trouble sleeping, now they will go down from step 56 to -1.

He sighs before closing his eyes. How was he going to see Kenma’s face now?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Kenma's parents, I don't know them, but I'll always write them as the nicest people ever.  
> My Twitter: @ReadsVale


	6. New friendships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!!

When he wakes up the first thing he does is to check his cell phone, Kenma still hasn't answered him. He lies back on his bed defeated, but he gets up when he hears some noise downstairs, it must be his parents, they didn't even tell him they were coming. He dresses quickly because he was in a little hurry since he had gotten up on his third alarm tone. He gets his face wet in the bathroom, he had traces of slights dark circles that were screaming that he couldn't sleep well last night, he carefully combed his hair before going down to greet his parents. They were having breakfast and there were suitcases nearby.

"Good morning, I didn't know you were coming today." He sits at the table to eat, he thought it was homemade food made by his mother, but for the taste he was sure it was bought.

"Good morning son, we finished earlier than we thought, so we'll be spending a long time here at home."

Keiji just nods while he eats.

"Didn't you sleep well last night son?" His father asks him.

"I -"

"Don't tell me you went to bed late for being on that computer of yours or reading?"

"You have to be more responsible son. We have our trust in you."

"We cannot leave knowing that you are here doing what you want, you have responsibilities."

Keiji nods with his mouth full to not answer them, he wants to finish quickly to leave and to not be late. He tries to think of a way to ask them when will they leave that doesn't sound too rude and eager for them to leave soon, in the end it doesn't.

He was leaning his head against the window on the train in one of the last seats listening to loud music to avoid falling asleep and looking out the window when he heard that he received a notification, he unlocks his phone to see it, he blinks a few times to make sure he read it correctly.

**-Sorry I just read it, last night I fell asleep earlier than usual, I don’t recommend playing almost two days in a row without sleeping, the good thing is that I finally finish Outbreak ll with all its different endings**

He didn't know what that meant, but his mood changed dramatically after receiving Kenma's message.

-No problem, you must take care of your sleep schedule I already told you that. Are you on the train?

**-No, I'm going in the car with my parents, they are driving me because I woke up a little late**

-Me too, how late?

**-About 10 minutes ago........**

-You win...

He puts his phone aside while he listens to music, but he hears another message.

**-Why did you wake up so late?**

-Hmmm I stayed up late reading.

**-It seems we have the same addiction problem.**

  
  


He goes with the folder ready in hand running down the hallway to the third floor.

"About time, the class is going to start soon."

"Sorry for the delay, here." He passes the folder to a customer and he almost snatches it out of his hands when he reaches out.

"Yeah, yeah. It better be a good grade."

He snorts, or what? He wanted to tell him, but he wasn't a fool and he didn't want to start a fight that he couldn't win with someone much bigger than him.

"It won't happen again." He says, and he is serious because he crosses him off his list, he will not work with him again.

He was walking to his classroom on the first floor when he sees Kuroo, he greets him animatedly waving his arm and raising his voice, Keiji responds with a shake of his head, luckily he doesn't approach him.

When it's time to his shared class with Kenma, he moves from his window seat to let the blonde sit there, he knows he prefers that seat so he always gives it to him.

"Wow, you were right, you didn't sleep very well last night."

"Look who's talking, your eye bags are worse."

Kenma smiles at him before sitting down, it really look worse, his dark circles were a pretty almost purple color, his hair is more disheveled than usual and his tie was hanging unmade around his neck.

They talk for a while before the class begins, they receive their grade for the report they had delivered, it was a perfect grade, but he already suspected it. Kenma smiles at him softly when he sees it and Keiji smiles back at him. He hopes they have to work as partners together again.

They were having lunch in their secret place when Kenma asks him if he can take the report home, he really didn't care, he always had a backup on his computer in case he wanted to study and in the second he received the grade, he threw them away immediately, so he answers that it's alright.

“I will keep it to show it to my parents, that way they will buy me that new game I have been waiting for."

He doesn't know what game he was talking about because he always waits for a different one every time. And he really doesn't mind him keeping it because he doubts his parents will congratulate him on just one grade.

"Do it. Every time you get a good grade they reward you with a videogame?"

Kenma shrugs. "Sometimes, since my grades have been dropping, now they buy me things for me to improve them."

"I didn't know you have difficulties with some subjects, if you want I can help you." Kenma was smart and they shared two advanced classes together, he had no idea that he has been getting bad grades. It must be because he prefers spend his hours playing video games rather than studying.

"It's not that I'm doing badly, it’s just that my grades are very average and they used to be outstanding."

He was drinking his juice when he remembers that until the beginning of this year he had never seen Kenma before, maybe he was transferred from another school and this one was very demanding compared to the previous one. This school was prestigious and its entrance exam is one of the most difficult, there was only the best of the best here, especially among students, well not counting the ones whose parents paid more to be admitted, it was an well-known secret, but working with so many of them he was already convinced that it was completely true.

"Was your other school less demanding?"

Kenma's mouth was full, he looks at him and raises an eyebrow, he swallows quickly to respond. "Other school?" he makes a thoughtful face.

"Yes, your other school, didn't you transfer this year?"

Kenma frowns at him. "This is my third year here."

Ohhh shit. "Ahhh, really? I haven't seen you before." 

It was impossible that he had seen him before in the hallways, he would recognize that face, those eyes, his hair, his lips, the sound of his voice… Even if they were from the same year it is highly possible that they never ran into each other in a classroom, Kuroo is a good example being from the same year and never even sharing a single class.

Kenma was still frowning, his lips drawing a straight line. "Keiji, we have shared the same classes since first year."

Shit.

He must be joking with him so he lets out a small nervous laugh, but Kenma's expression remained the same. It was impossible, he would remember his name on the list or something, he was sure he was new. "Are you serious?" He asks a little scared.

"Yes."

SHIT.

The rest of the lunch is spent in absolute silence, he doesn’t look up again to avoid seeing his face, but after a while he hears the music and the buttons on his console. To entertain himself doing something, he plays with his phone. I can't believe this, why don't I remember him? He wasn't someone so self-centered that he didn't remember his classmate from almost three years, although it might have a glimpse of truth, now that he thought about it, there were still classmates who he didn't know their names.

How could he be so absorbed in his own world to not noticed Kenma before?

The silence becomes uncomfortable between the two and when the bell rings, he says goodbye with a soft voice, the blonde responds by nodding his head. Now he truly ruined everything. Kenma would never speak to him again. What if it was even worse and Kenma had actually spoke to him in the past and he just didn't remember it? His memory was good, very good. He studies only once and then the information just stays in his brain, from a young age his parents praised him for his good memory, even his teachers.

His heart jumps when he receives a message on the phone, he opens it quickly but it was from Kuroo telling him to answer the email now, he had already waited many hours. But he doesn't care, he doesn't even bother to pay attention in class. Now he ruined his entire relationship with Kenma, he was sure that they were at the step -50 now. Should I apologize? Tell him that in the summer I had an accident and I lost my memory? He ignored Kuroo's messages for the rest of the day as well as his clients, he didn't care if they weren't from Kenma. He doesn't know what to say to him so he was waiting for him to say something first, anything, even if it was a bad thing, that way he could apologize.

When school finishes, he waits at the school entrance in case he sees Kenma so they can walk together to the station. He waits for him more than thirty minutes leaning on the wall, when he decides that enough is enough and begins to walk.

"Akaashi!"

"Akaashi!"

He recognizes that voice, he doesn't feel like talking at the moment, less if it's Kuroo Tetsurou reproaching him for not doing his job.

"Yes?"

"What are you doing here so late?"

"Nothing, I was just leaving."

"Ohhh"

Kuroo walks with him for a few minutes, he was still dressed in his sport uniform and he had a large sport bag hanging of his shoulder. "Do you need anything? I'll answer her when I get home."

"Take your time, you look tired."

They keep walking until Keiji stops and turns around, Kuroo was walking a few steps behind him. "Can you stop following me?"

Kuroo laughs at him. "I'm just going to the station, calm down. I'm not a stalker."

Keiji rolls his eyes at him and says nothing else during the walk. They were about to go down when he heard Kuroo speak again.

"You okay?"

He sighs softly. "Why do you care?"

"I'm just worried about you Akaashi."

"We are nothing for you to worry about me," He sighs again, Kuroo was not to blame for his bad mood. "Sorry, I just don't feel that good."

"Ahhhh, heart trouble?"

"What? No, no."

"Sure, sure, I've been there my friend. Come, I know what will make you happy!"

He sees how Kuroo turns away from the station. Should I follow him? When he turns around, he waves his hand at him, so he does it reluctantly. They walk without speaking through a neighborhood that he didn’t know despite being so close to the station, until they reach a coffee shop and enter, it smelled delicious.

"What do you want?" He could still turn around and leave, he didn't know if he wanted to sit down to eat with Kuroo Tetsurou, they weren't friends, he didn't even like him. "I see you are confused, why don't you let me take your order and you go to find a table? I promise I won't ask for anything disgusting."

He gives him a big smile before beginning to order, Keiji looks around before going to sit at the farthest table. What was he doing? He checks his phone again in case he has new messages, he puts it in his pocket when he sees that he doesn't have any, although he was only waiting for one in particular. The place was small and cozy, it smelled delicious and from what he could see, its various sweets looked delicious too. He plays with a napkin until Kuroo sits across from him.

"You will like it, don't worry, this place is amazing."

Why does everyone think that he will not like something? He literally eats everything. "What did you order?"

"It’s a surprise," he replied with a wink.

Keiji rolls his eyes, "I hope I’m not allergic to that."

Kuroo smiles at him, "Are you allergic to chocolate?"

"Yes."

"Shit, I'll be right back" Kuroo says standing up from the chair.

"I was kidding" he says amused.

Kuroo laughs loudly with his nasty laugh before sitting down again, he can feel some heads turning to look at them. "You have a witty sense of humor." He says when he stops laughing.

"Thank you," he says not knowing what else to answer to that.

"So, What’s wrong?"

"Why?"

"Just to know."

"I didn't sleep that well last night."

"I can tell, so you are like this way since last night?"

Was his face that obvious? "What are you? A psychologist to listen to all my problems?"

"No Akaashi, I am a student just like you."

"Then why are you so interested?"

Kuroo sighs. "Because I care, I want to know how are you doing and I was surprised when I saw you like an abandoned puppy outside of school."

He grimaces, "Shouldn't you be at practice?"

Kuroo opens his mouth to answer but the waitress arrives with the food, the girl had a smile plastered on her face and was batting her eyelashes like the wings of a hummingbird looking at Kuroo directly in the eye.

"Do you need anything else?" Kuroo shakes his head at the waitress. "If you do need something else, you just have to call me." She says with a big smile, Kuroo thanks her before she walks away.

Keiji raises an eyebrow at him. "I hope you like it." Kuroo says.

He looks at his plate in front of him, it was a huge piece of chocolate cake, it looked delicious but there was no way he could finish it, it was too chocolatey and that would end up satiate him immediately, the hot drink in front of him looks much better. He brings it closer to smell it, it was an herbal tea, he puts only one tablespoon of sugar because he knows that the cake will be very sweet for his taste. In front of him Kuroo has the same chocolate cake, his drink smelled different, a little like coffee but not as strong.

"Can I borrow your spoon? I think the waitress forgot to bring one."

"Here," he holds out his spoon, "although I think she forgot it on purpose."

Kuroo grimaces before starting to eat, "Mmmm tasty, did you like it?"

Keiji savors the cake, it’s very good indeed, he tastes it again. "Actually yes, it is delicious."

"Yeah, I discovered this place a couple of years ago, this chocolate cake heals all sorrows."

Keiji gave him a soft smile, he felt a little better after eating the cake. He didn't go out often to eat and try new things.

"I was suspended."

"Huh?"

"They suspended me."

"What? From school?"

Kuroo kept his gaze down as he played with his cake "Volleyball."

Now that he notices, Kuroo didn’t look okay at all. "Why? I mean, if I’m not being intrusive."

Kuroo rubs the back of his neck nervously "I had a heated discussion with a member of the team, if it wasn't for the vice captain's intervention, someone would have ended with a black eye."

Keiji is surprised, perhaps Kuroo has this vibe of fighting with anyone who crosses his path, but he is not someone who would do it in the school establishment running the risk of being expelled. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it was kind of stupid actually. I lost my temper with his unwanted comments, he's a fucking idiot."

"Sorry, Did he say anything bad to you?"

Kuroo took a sip of his drink while shaking his head. "Not to me, to another teammate."

"Ohh, you were just defending him."

"Yes," he stares at his plate for a while. "But that wasn’t the way. Well, but they punished me with only three days, it's not that bad."

"Still, I know you like volleyball, so I'm sorry."

"It’s alright, is not your fault. So what happened to you?"

"Ahh, nothing that important, I just had an argument with a friend, my only friend actually."

"Was it your fault?"

Keiji shrugs.

"What do you mean you don't know? Either you did something or him."

"I really don't know if I did something wrong, maybe there is a 70% chance that it was my fault."

"That’s enough, say you're sorry."

"Ahh I don't know."

"Why? Don't you miss him?"

Yes, but I'm scared he won't forgive me. "What if he doesn't forgive me?"

"Is it a really a bad thing?"

Keiji shakes his head "I don't know."

Kuroo leans back in his chair and sighs, "Hmmm just apologize."

"It's not that simple," Keiji looks at his plate and to his surprise he was already finishing his cake. "You know? I don't- I don't have many friends, so I don't want to risk not being forgiven by him, it's ridiculous I know, but I'm not good at opening up to people and I don't want to ruin it."

Kuroo leans on the table and rests his hand on his cheek, "Hmmm I don't have many friends either, those who are there for you when you need it the most. If you don't want to lose your friendship then talk to him, it's better than ignoring him other until you never speak to each other again. "

He couldn't believe that Kuroo Tetsurou didn't have a lot of friends, he always sees him in the hallways with someone different. "I always see you surrounded by people."

"So? None of those people are really my friends. Sometimes you can be surrounded by people and still feel lonely."

He had read books with protagonists with the same problem a thousands of times. "I don't know what that must feel like, but I've read about it. Your personality must be to blame."

He hears Kuroo's loud and awful laugh again. "You really know how to cheer people up. Don't you?"

Keiji smiles at him. "Sorry, I did not express myself well. What I meant was that your personality prevents you from getting closer to people, that is the problem that the protagonists have on the books. Ehhh I have it too."

"Huh... and what do you do to change it?"

"Nothing."

"If you know that you have a problem with your personality, why don't you change it?"

"Because I just don't want to."

Kuroo smirks at him. "And what's my problem according to you?"

"Hmmm you are very noisy, you are way too good to everyone and it makes it difficult to trust you, your smile seems fake and the reputation that precedes you is not a good thing at all. People have a perspective on you that makes them more difficult to get closer to you, good people at least. I guess Jane Doe is one of them."

"Jane Doe?"

"Applepi."

Kuroo laughs again but calms down immediately of his loud laugh lowering his voice and covering his mouth with his hand. "Your laugh is horrible, but it sounds sincere, you shouldn't hide it."

Kuroo opens his eyes in surprise. "You flatter me."

"I had to tell you at least one good thing today.”

"And what do I have to do to change that? What do I have to do to make her trust me?"

"I don't know, maybe you should open up, really open up to her and make it clear to her that you changed."

"That I change?"

"Yes, that you are no longer a womanizer who goes out to wild parties and causes riots."

"What?" He says amused "I am not a womanizer who goes to several parties and causes riots."

Keiji arches his eyebrow, "Really? I've heard the rumors."

"Maybe I like to go to a party once in a while, the last girl I dated was like two years ago and what kind of disturbances have I caused if I may know?"

"Ehhh, that's what I've heard."

"Well that’s nothing but lies," Kuroo crosses his arms and sighs. "B-but maybe I have helped a little to feed those rumors."

Keiji plays with the traces of chocolate that he still had on his plate free of any cake. "Then we have to assure her that they are not true."

Kuroo gives him a big smile that reached his eyes. "Okay"

He gets up to sit next to Kuroo and takes out a notebook next to a pen. "What do you want to write to her?"

"Ehhhh, I ... About this shitty day?"

"Alright" he begins to write with his pen.

"No, no, wait. Let's just say something happier."

"I think it would be better to write her about real feelings."

"Ummm are you sure?"

"Since we are confessing our feelings, no. I have no idea when it comes to romance and I like to think that I am practicing with this."

"Well, now I do feel confident" he replies with a smirk.

At the end they spend hours writing a draft for the letter, they decide to tell her that he wanted to vent because he had a really shitty day telling her about the team problem he had earlier and that now he felt sad and needed to talk to someone, he tells her about not having many friends and being a little more reserved and selective without the others knowing, that he was feeling like he was reviewing every aspect of his life thinking about his decisions and mistakes. 

_ “Did I have guided my own path to this point myself? I feel a little depressed and the only thing that had made me happy this day was thinking about you. Have you ever had days like this?” _ It was the last thing they wrote to her before sending it, they were both satisfied with their work. He had spent a good time writing with Kuroo, they both laughed, complemented their ideas, and Kuroo praised him for his writing. He was also able to understand a little more how Kuroo feels about this girl and he could dare to say that his feelings were real.

"We should pay the bill, we've been here a long time." He says to Kuroo while looking at the time on his watch.

"Don't worry I pay when I ordered."

"What? Why?"

"I said I would invite you," he says as if it's pretty obvious.

"Ahh well, thank you Kuroo." He plays with his pen in his hand, he was not use to people making kind gestures for him at all. "In that case you don't need to pay me for today's letter."

"Oh no, that's not necessary, I did it because I wanted to cheer you up and I ended up having a pretty good time too, so it's fine."

"Please, I insist."

"And I insist even more, this is basically your job."

"But you paid for this, I-"

"I paid because I wanted to Akaashi, I don't want anything in return." The big smile on his face no longer looks fake and playful at all, it looks warm.

"In that case, thank you." they were piling up their plates ready to go when the waitress comes to pick them up, Kuroo doesn't look her in the eye and the two leave the place heading for the station. It was getting dark and there was a not so warm breeze, when they arrive at the place it was more crowded than normal because it was the time when everyone left work to go to their homes. They don't make the same route so they had to say goodbye, but the two hear a sound of a notification with a particular tone at the same time, they look at each other strangely and both take out their cell phones. It was an email from Applepi, she had never replied so fast.

_ “Subject: Shitty day _

_ Well honestly that sucks... the boy is an idiot, your coach is an idiot and you are an idiot for letting him drive you to that point. Too bad it happened, even though it's only three days it's not the end of the world, in the meantime you can write me more often to hang out, I know you love volleyball but I will try to be a good virtual company for you. I also had a bad day, I think I get up on the wrong side of the bed. Doesn't that sucks? At least my day improved a little when reading your email, for some reason knowing that people are doing worse than me makes me feel better. Just kidding, just kidding… I liked knowing a little more about you, you should have more shitty days for me to meet the real you. I hope that by the time you receive this, your mood has changed a little for the better." _

When he finishes reading the email, he sees Kuroo's face. How was it possible to smile that much? Didn't his face hurt? The taller one was excited with his response, I think they had finally made some progress. He mentally writes down to be more sincere when writing and not talking as if his life was a sweet poem.

"I'll write her to her when I get home."

"Okay," Kuroo still had that grin on his face.

"I think we made a good progress, we have to continue with this strategy," Keiji plugs in his headphones to his phone. "Ehh, thanks again for today."

"Ahh no problem Akaashi, anytime."

He nods at him "See you."

"Hey wait, wait, see how it went well for me... you should talk to your friend to fix things."

"Ahh, yes I will."

"Akaashi..."

"Well I'll try, maybe I'll do it later. Thanks for the advice and for everything."

"It was a pleasure, we should repeat it."

He gets a little nervous to hear that, yes he had a great time, the cake was delicious and he felt like he got to know Kuroo a little more. He wouldn't mind doing it again. "Yes, I would like that."

The two say goodbye with their hands walking in opposite directions. When he gets into his train, he has to travel standing because it was full, he felt the exhaustion of the day on his shoulders. He pulls out his phone and he can see that Kenma is online. I should talk to him... It had become a habit to talk while they were on the subway. He takes a deep breath before writing on his cell phone.

Well, he was a coward, Kuroo would be disappointed, he will wait until tomorrow to write to Kenma, today he would spend the day worrying about it, because apparently he is a masochist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops 👀  
> My Twitter: @ReadsVale


	7. Take the jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not be uploading next week, because I will post for Kenma ship week!! So I hope you like the prompts I have been preparing ✌🏼
> 
> My Twitter: @ReadsVale

He definitely felt winter getting closer and closer because he comes home like a popsicle. He takes off his shoes and makes a mental note not forget to go out without a scarf, hat and gloves from his house next time. He hurries up to his room to answer Applepi's mail when he sees that the TV in the living room is on, which is strange because he was sure that he turned off before leaving. He approaches until he sees his parents sitting on the sofa, ohh he had forgotten about that.

"Aren’t you going to say hello son?"

"I’m sorry, I think it's just the habit."

"Where were you?"

"In class."

"Until this hour? It's late."

Ughh, this is why he likes to enjoy his freedom when he’s alone. "I had to stay late today and then I went for a walk with a friend."

"It would be nice if you would use that phone of yours to warn us."

"Sorry, I forgot.” They always forget to write him but he never reproached them for anything. They didn't even say anything when he mentioned the word friend, years had passed since he told them about having a friend.

"What's happening to you Keiji? Is this the behavior you have when we leave for work?"

"How do you want us to trust you after this?"

He didn’t notice an angry or worried tone in his parents voices, nor could he see their expressions, since they had not turned to look at him. He was trying to assimilate it but he already knew... How many times had he heard that disappointed tone from his parents? When he was only nine years old and decided he didn't want to keep playing the piano anymore because it made his fingers hurt, when he didn't won first place in the spelling bee for two years in a row, when he choose not to follow with chess club in high school, and lately when he quit athletics. Although he doesn't understand the fuss right now, he did nothing wrong.

"I’m sorry. It won't happen again."

He hears their voices but doesn’t understanding what are they saying, he goes upstairs and closes the door to his room gently. Good thing that he decided to eat a giant chocolate cake because he highly doubts about going down to have dinner with his parents.

He starts exchanging emails with Jane Doe while he was texting with Kuroo, now their conversations were less monotonous and there was a little more trust. He swiveled in the chair to approach his small blackboard that was hanging on his wall, he had overcome his stagnation phase and now they were around step 8, they were progressing a little slow but steady. He was writing his case update on the board while playing with his pen in his hand when he notices the great irony, every time Keiji and Kenma move forward in their relationship, Kuroo and Jane Doe are doing horrible, and now that they were finally making progress, his relationship with Kenma was at rock bottom. Apparently love demanded a balance on earth, not everyone could be happy at the same time.

He swiveled in the chair again to take out some old books that he had saved in an old box, among them were his pictures and his past yearbooks, he thanks his past self for not throwing it away in the minute he received them convincing himself that they could be of help at some point, he makes a mental note to get rid of this trash the second he graduates.

He searches among the names of his classmates the name of Kozume Kenma, he can see a photo of all his classmates together, he looks for himself in the photo and there he was, he looked the same, his hair was shorter though. He can't find Kenma on the picture. Could he have skipped class that day? He search among the names, Kozume Kenma is near the bottom of the list. He can't believe it, he still hoped for this to be a sort of a joke or something like that, but clearly it was there. He looks up last year's photo and there was Kozume Kenma's name again. He searches for himself in the photo, he looked exactly the same, although he can notice that his tie was a little crooked.

When he was told that the picture day was coming, he himself wanted to miss classes that day, but he didn’t want to ruin his perfect attendance. He had to bear the awkward moment both times, he knew that Kenma didn't have the same patience as him and that he skipped classes from time to time, so it was highly possible that he would miss that day twice. Even so, he goes over face by face of each of his classmates again, he recognized some of them, well his clients more than anything. He guides with his finger the trace of each familiar face, until his finger suddenly stops. He brings his face even closer and squint his eyes, he needed glasses urgently, but it was something that he always postponed on purpose, he only needed them when he read for too many hours in a row or when he spent more time than necessary on his computer or cell phone.

He tilts his head a little to the side. Could it be? No, no way, but … The boy was smaller than Kenma both in height and body, he just didn’t looked like he belonged to that class, he was in the front row, where usually the shorter people stand, he was the only male there next to the girls. His face was chubby, although his body looked skinnier, the color of his hair was a dark black. What an idiot, of course Kenma dyed his hair blond, it was impossible not to notice it with his big dark roots, he just assumed that he have been dyeing his hair for years. His hair was still long but not as long as now, it reached to the level of his cheekbones, he looked more tidy. Now he could see his paleness, which with the black hair made his big golden eyes stand out even more. They were more intense than ever. How could he not remember those eyes?

He inspects the other photo and look for him in the same place, although he was notoriously taller, he was still standing in the first row. His black hair was longer, reaching his cheeks, his face looked more older compared to the previous photo, the brightness of his eyes was still intact. He wasn’t smiling in any of the pictures, everyone else was, but Kenma was just staring with his lips drawing a straight line, although Keiji wasn’t that different, he wasn’t smiling either. 

Maybe how many times Kenma spoke to him and he just didn't pay any attention to him... but he's shy, he doesn't think he would talk to him just like that. He exhales heavily and with irritation. His eyes had failed him, his brain had failed him, his whole damn body had failed him to recognize Kenma. He searches among the clubs in case Kenma is in one, but he doesn't find his name. Just in case he checks the other one without any success.

He was a terrible friend, now that he finally admitted it, all he had to do was talk to Kenma. But it was too late, he doesn't want him to believe he was thinking all day about this, doesn’t matter if it was 99% true. He only has to complete the next semester and that's it, no more classes, no more heart troubles. With that thought he goes to sleep, hoping that Kenma will be merciful and speak to him first.

He was more nervous than usual, he didn't want that damn bell to ring to announced it was time for lunch and spend awkward minutes with Kenma. Was it better to go and ignore each other? or, Not going and continuing to ignore each other? Both had the same result, but he liked the second option the best, which it saved him the awkward time.

He walks slowly to the third floor with his food in hand to go to his new place with Kenma, he doesn’t know what to expect from the meeting. He opens the door with minimal enthusiasm and... it was empty, Kenma had not arrived yet. He sits against the wall fully stretching his legs, he stays playing with his food because he was too nervous to eat, he looks at his watch and it's been five minutes. He decides to eat at the fifteenth minute since he arrived knowing that it was impossible for Kenma to enter through that door. His food felt bitter with each bite and his throat was a little tighter as he swallowed.

Kenma hated him so much that he couldn't even come to his own place that he had found. He wants to tell him not to worry and that it was not necessary to avoid him like this, he would stay out of his way and if that means not having lunch here, then he would not. He checks his phone without encouragement, he had no new messages, well not from the person he wanted. He decides to go to his classroom because he no longer felt good eating quietly in a dusty room, he was walking down the hall when he sees Kuroo talking to a girl. He was leaning against the wall and the girl looked annoyed, she was not blonde or short, so it could not be Jane Doe, he walks as far as possible from them so as not to attract Kuroo's attention because lately-

"Akaashi!"

He exhales gently before turning around, Kuroo was already close to him and he puts his arm around his neck as they start walking.

"How's it going?"

Keiji releases his grip abruptly. "I would appreciate it if you didn't come near me like that again."

"Calm down" he says with a smirk, "I just wanted to get away from there quickly. Come on let's go outside."

They were sitting on a bench in the schoolyard, no one was around because the weather was not the warmest of all and black clouds threatened the day, he had both hands in his pocket waiting for Kuroo to say whatever he wanted to say. After a few minutes he gets bored of waiting in the cold and asks himself.

"What did you need?"

He hears him sigh. "Nothing, I just wanted to get away from there as soon as possible."

"And you decided not only to hide in the cold but to drag me with you to freeze out here?"

"It's not that cold and I really needed it."

Keiji rolls his eyes "What were you talking about? She looked upset."

It takes a moment for Kuroo to replied as if he was analyzing whether to tell him about or not. "I was rejecting her confession, in fact I already had done it before, she was reproaching me for doing it."

"Ahhh" the girl was pretty and he had seen her before with a regular customer before, she had made him laugh once.

"So yeah... that sucks. The worst thing is that I know her boyfriend, he's a good person."

"Ohh," he wonders how many confessions Kuroo will receive in a week. "Why did you reject her?"

Kuroo looks at him like he's asked the dumbest question in the world. "Because I obviously like someone else."

"I was just proving your loyalty... that means, you're really serious about Jane Doe."

Kuroo touches his chest and makes an exaggerated offended expression. "Duhh but of course I’m serious about it, it hurts that you still doubt me at this point."

He still did, but he didn't want to damage the good atmosphere between them. "Since when do you like her?" The internet or his books hadn't given him the answers he was looking for, well only a little. Love is different for everyone, it comes to you differently, it hits you differently, you feel it differently... perhaps if he knew of someone real and of his own age, he would understand his feelings much better.

"Ehhh I- well it wasn't love at first sight or anything like that, but she caught my attention since the moment I saw her, it was just like that, that was enough, one look into her eyes and that's it. Then I started noticing her more often and I found myself thinking about her the majority of the day. I didn’t know if she was aware of me or not but I was of her, I never really spoke to her, mainly because I was shy and because I didn’t want to face my own feelings towards. So I started dating other girls and still I couldn't get her out of my head. In fact the first time we spoke, was just last year and it wasn't anything that important, afterwards I tried to do small talks but I think I just made her uncomfortable, so I stopped. I appreciated her from afar, because it wasn't like I was going to try something with her either... "

What? He likes her since first year? That means that she goes in our same year. How can someone like a person for so long and do nothing about it? Well, it’s not that himself is very different from that, his plan is  _ or was _ to maintain his friendship until he will finally confess next year when they are both in college, considering whether if they live in the same city or not.

"When I saw her again this year, I said to myself that this was not just a simple crush and I like to think that I have not reached the edge of obsession yet" he laughs. "This is the year, this year I will stop being a coward and I will talk with her, but every time I got close, the words didn't come out and when I decided to do it she didn't pay much attention to what I was saying, so I looked for another way to get closer to her and then you came.”

He couldn't doubt the truthfulness of his feelings, besides he had the same problem and had only been like this for about four months, he couldn't believe that Kuroo survived this long for almost three years.

Suddenly an idea crosses his mind. Why did Kuroo oppose to the idea of being with her for the first few years that much? What if this person was someone who would not look good for society to form a relationship with? An impossible love perhaps... Someone who does not want to accept his own feelings and that is why there is so much mystery involved. Perhaps...? no, could it be?

He gulps before speaking. "Kuroo?" He lifts his head and his hazel eyes look directly at him. "Is your girl? Well emmm, Is Jane Doe a-?"

Kuroo opens his eyes in surprise and quickly moves to put his hands over his mouth preventing him from finishing his sentence, he moves his head to both sides making sure that no one was around. "Shhhhhh".

By his reaction he can assume that he is right. He speaks again this time whispering. Well, he had to make sure, he also didn't want to be involved in something like that, even if he likes Kuroo.

  
  


"Is your girl a teacher?" 

He looks at him and blinks a few times before breaking into laughter. Apparently he wasn't so worried about anyone seeing them anymore because he was sure that even the third floor could hear his laugh. Tears come out from his eyes, he sighs as he tries to catches his breath and he wipes them away, only to look at him in the eye and laugh again.

Keiji felt slightly offended, as if he was making fun of him. The idea was not so absurd, he had made him think that way. What an idiot... a tiny smile begins to form on his lips, Kuroo's ridiculous laugh was affecting him.

"Ahhhh okay, okay, I'll stop," he says between giggles.

"Sorry. I thought you had feelings for the chemistry teacher or something like that, after all she looks pretty young."

Kuroo was still with a huge smile on his face after laughing so much. "Ahhh, I don't know her, for three years my teacher has been a bald man in his 50s and I swear, that's not my type at all."

The only advanced class he didn't take was chemistry because it was his most difficult subject for him, it was one of the classes he shared with Kenma. "You take advanced chemistry?"

"Yup, it's my favorite subject."

"It's difficult, I'm surprised you are taking it."

"Huh... To what level reaches the stereotype you have about me?

He feel embarrassed now to hear it, he can feel his cheeks turning red. "Sorry, it was not my intention."

Kuroo waves his hand in front of him with a carefree gesture. And the two of them get up when they hear the bell, they walk silently to their respective classrooms.

"Hey, I forgot to ask, how did it go with your friend?"

"Uhhh I didn't talk to him... but I will, tomorrow."

Kuroo shakes his head disapprovingly, "Akaashi, Akaashi, Akaashi, didn't you learn anything? Well, it doesn’t matter, wait for me after school, you will pay this time, after all I'm already poor with all the money you are taking from me." He waves his hand and continues on his way getting lost among the other students.

What just happened... paying for what?

He doesn't pay much attention to the rest of his classes, he spends the day on his phone exchanging emails with Jane and Kuroo. She was right when she told them that she would talk more with him to make him feel better when he was suspended from the team. When out of nowhere Jane mentions that she used to play volleyball a few years ago but that it didn’t last long and that she ended up getting tired of the sport, Kuroo does not say anything by message, it’s he himself who answers the email. So he had spent the last half hour reading their conversation, because at this point it seemed more like conversation exchanging lines after lines in the email. He didn’t understand anything they were talking about, it seemed a strange language with so many technicalities, so he keeps his phone in his pocket so as not to intrude their conversation and to pay attention in class.

When his last class is over, he stays waiting as usual in his classroom for a while, he hopes that Kenma is waiting for him to walk together to the station. He takes out his phone and checks his social networks, he also takes the opportunity of sending a message to his parents saying that he will arrive later today because he has to stay in the library to do a group project, he lies to them because it’s just more simple that way. He stands in the corner leaning against the wall to not disturb the person who had to clean the classroom this week.

"Akaashi, I think someone is waiting at the door for you."

He raises his head extremely fast and thanked his classmate, he takes a mental picture of his face because he doesn't remember his name and wants to make amends for his past mistake with Kenma to be more involved with his classmates. He replies with a soft thank you before stepping out of his classroom. His heart was beating faster but he didn't want to get excited... if it was Kuroo Tetsurou he swears that he would punch him without worrying about the consequences.

"Good afternoon Akaashi."

"Ahh hi Sadashi" he tries to hide his expression and disappointed tone. "What do you need?"

"Ehhh I, it's a final English report, it's for next week but I wanted to make sure you had free time, now that you don't take so much work."

"I can do it, as the final exams are coming, there are not many written assignments that I can do, send me the details by message, I will take it without problem."

The girl nods animatedly, "thank you Akaashi, you are saving my life." She squeezes his arm gently.

"It's nothing, see you" he turns around and walks towards the exit a little annoyed, he doesn't like people touching him, but he didn't want to be rude.

  
  


When he goes outside he sees Kuroo sitting on the stairs railing with his cell phone in hand and a big smile on his face, he slowly approaches and he must have felt his presence because he looks up and greets him.

"Why did you take that long? I've been here in the cold for like 15 minutes."

"It was just 6 minutes, look" he shows him his watch because he didn’t like not being right.

Kuroo rolls his eyes. "And what took you so long?"

"I don't like leaving at the same time as the others, that's all."

"You are just too antisocial" he says almost laughing, he tries to smile because he knows it’s a joke but he doesn’t like that term at all and specially if he says it in his face. "It doesn't matter, I will teach you to open up to people."

"No thanks."

"No, no Akaashi, I will make you come out of your shell. You don't have to thank me."

He rolls his eyes and grimaces. They walk forward aimlessly for a few minutes. "Ehhh where are we going?"

"What? I was following you. You said you would pay for lunch."

"You said that, and I don't know where we should go, I don't know many places."

"Hmmm then let's go to one that neither of us has ever gone before, look! Let's go to that one, I think they serve Ramen and it's cold, it's perfect."

He doesn't understand his excitement for a simple bowl of Ramen, he still runs to keep up with him. It was a small place and it smelled a bit like frying, the lady welcomes them and guides them to an unoccupied table, she is friendly, although she asks for their order right away, leaving them with no time to think.

"Ehhhh" he said as he quickly turned the menu pages.

"I want today's menu, if that’s possible. Akaashi do you want that too?"

He looks up to see him. "What's on the menu?"

Kuroo shrugs. "I don't know, but I had a good day and I am confident."

That doesn’t convince him at all, in the end he asks for something simple with a drink.

While they wait for their food, he plays with the napkin that is in front of him and begins to fold it, Kuroo was glued to his cell phone screen. "You finally found something in common," he says.

"Oh yeah, isn't that amazing? I had no idea that she played volleyball, did you read that?"

"Not much really, I didn't want to be nosy."

"She said she left when she was about 13 years old because apparently her team was not good with her, those fuckers" he hears him say. "She didn't want to repeat the experience again, so she quit. Maybe we can play together someday" he says almost sighing.

"Good" he says with a bit of jealousy. Now everything is going well for Kuroo, while he only suffered.

"Yeees" he can't help but smile with his excitement, he couldn't really hate Kuroo Tetsurou.

His food arrives and an exquisite smell emanated from his plate that was a vegetable Ramen. Kuroo's on the other hand... his first course was something that looked like fish heads, his bowl of Ramen was an unappetizing reddish color, and his dessert, which was impossible to miss, actually looked delicious, it was a small cheesecake. When the lady goes away, Kuroo can't stop looking at his plate.

"Enjoy" he says with a malicious smile.

Kuroo begins with the entree, he swallows the first bite with what he supposes without breathing and then pushes it away. He brings his bowl of Ramen to his mouth and tastes it, immediately leaves it on the table and starts drinking water. It must be spicy, he likes spicy things but that looked toxic. He wasn’t going to help him, after all he decided to order without knowing. When he brings his spoon closer to his dessert, Keiji takes it and pulls it away from him.

"Don't even think about it, eat your food and dessert will come at the end, I want to see your plate clean."

After minutes of pouting Kuroo decides to eat his food. His vegetable Ramen was delicious, the soup warmed his body and he was grateful for that. He had to give all his drink to Kuroo when he was clearly dying from the spiciness, he has to ask the waitress for two extra glasses of water. Kuroo's nose and ears were red, he was sweating and his lips were swollen.

"It's not that bad," he says amused.

"Ahhh? Do you want to try?" Keiji shakes his head.

When he finally sees that his plate was empty, he hands him the dessert, Kuroo savors every bite and he even offers him and he accepts. It was delicious, it was probably the best cheesecake he had ever had, in the end he asks for one more and the two share it.

"So, why did you chickened out?"

Keiji sighs, still holding the small spoon in his mouth. "I think the answer is in the question."

Kuroo snorted with laughter, "You have to take more risks Akaashi."

"Look who's talking, Mister I've been in love with the same person for 3 years and I still can't speak to her."

"Ouch, okay, okay, but look" he moves his hands exaggeratedly along with his sayings. "Today I wanted to jump into the abyss and just go with the flow, right?"

He doesn't have a clue what he was talking about, but he assumes nothing meaningful would come out of his mouth after the spiciness hit his brain, so he nods anyway.

"And look what happened, I had to swallow fish heads forcibly and I love fish, in fact they weren't even that bad, but you will never really know because you never tried them."

In fact, he does knows, he had tried them when he was just a child and he had been traumatized enough to decide never to eat them again and he could see Kuroo's disgusted face when trying them, he deeply doubts that he liked them.

"And the Ramen, well yeah, it was a little bit spicy and now I know I will never order it again. But this cheesecake... This cheesecake" he lifts the plate to emphasize. "It's made by the angels themselves, it's delicious, and we never would have tried it if it wasn't for taking a little risk."

Huh... well that made a bit of sense.

"Do you understand? There are times when you have to make decisions in life not letting yourself be carried away by the consequences of these. Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith."

Although he doesn't agree with everything he said, he has to admit that he is not someone who usually does something without first having a plan A, B, C and D. Maybe he needed to take the jump.

"You are right Kuroo."

"I know." he answers with a smirk.

They walk together to the station sharing Kuroo's umbrella, since he had forgotten his own. The two say goodbye and separates. Keiji was grateful for the advice he had given him, in fact he had a good time again, almost made him forget the subject of Kenma, until he got into his train and played with his phone debating whether to speak to him or not. He runs to his house not to get so wet, the rain was not so terrible but he preferred to watch the rain fall from inside his house, dry and with a cup of tea in his hands.

"I'm home, good afternoon," he says the moment he enters, it wasn't as late as yesterday but he has the perfect excuse in case his parents ask him.

He goes to his room without hearing any response from his parents, he boils the water to drink a tea before taking a bath and sees a note on the table. He takes it carefully and reads it. His parents were not home, they were gone on a last minute trip, they left money on the table of their room and they will be back in a week. Take care Keiji, they wrote at the end. He crumples the note and throws it in the trash.

Already bathed and with his cup of tea in hand, he receives a message from Kuroo, it was just an emoji arching his eyebrow, he rolls his eyes before searching among his contacts for Kenma. He takes a deep breath before writing.

**-I didn't see you at lunch today. Is everything alright? If you want your place back just let me know, I don't want to take it away from you or anything.**

He turns off his cell phone after that and remains lying on the bed hoping for Kuroo to be right about this.


	8. About friends and pies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!   
> I hope you like it ✌🏼  
> My Twitter: @ReadsVale

Keiji wakes up around 2 AM, damn he must have fallen asleep. He stretches out his arms and wraps himself in a blanket to get his things ready for tomorrow. "Don't forget the umbrella!" he writes on his board as he fights back his yawns. When he goes to bed again his cell phone almost falls to the floor. Oh he almost forgot it, he turns on his phone a little anxious and hides under his blankets waiting with his eyes closed. His phone vibrates in his hand. He focuses on his notifications, he has an email from Applepi, a message from his parents, he has to update a few apps, three notifications from Twitter, four messages from Kuroo, two from Sadashi and there was the name of Kenma at the end with 11 messages. He really didn't know what to expect.

**-I didn't go to class today**

**-I was a little sick but I'll go tomorrow**

**-I think**

**-I will let you know anyways**

**-And don't be silly, it's our place now**

**-I'm not mad in case you are wondering**

**-Sorry if I exaggerate... it was not my intention ehhhh**

**-Ignore you**

**-I'm an idiot, sorry**

**-I just I don't know, I felt a little bad knowing that you didn't remember me... well, I'm an idiot**

**-Sorry**

He reads them over and over again, now he's the damn idiot, he made Kenma feel guilty about something that wasn't even his fault. He types something, but deletes it immediately, only to type again. I think I will have to work on a draft on my computer to apologize properly, he thinks as he deletes the message once again. His cell phone vibrates in his hands, it was a message from Kenma.

**-What are you doing awake?**

**-It's like 2 AM go to sleep**

Along with some angry emojis.

He can't help but smile, he missed the multiple messages from Kenma that he could easily write in one sentence but decided to divide them into a dozen.

-You are awake too, you go to sleep! Especially if you don't feel well.

**-I feel good now**

-Kenma...

**-I'm going**

**-I'm going**

**-See you tomorrow Keiji**

-See you. Good night Kenma!

He looks at its ceiling and its stars that have not yet completely lost their shine, he bites his bottom lip trying to contain his happiness, he will have to do something to make him feel better.

The first thing he does when stepping on the subway is to send a message to Kenma, his friend replies in seconds, the two were on the train. Kenma tells him that he is seated, Keiji says that he doesn’t, then he asks if he feels better, the blond answers that he does. And so they chat on their phones. The rain was not as strong, and this part of the city was warmer than at home. He walks with his umbrella hanging from his bag because the rain had suddenly stopped. And the day goes fast, he talks to Kenma, Kuroo and he answers some emails from Applepi because Kuroo told him that he didn't want to bore her so much with volleyball.

They talk about the weather and Jane Doe mentions that she loves rain, but appreciating it from the comfort of her home, she loves its soft sound. How funny, just like him. Kuroo speaks to him by message saying that he hates rain because that means not going out and staying at home doing nothing, the rain always ruined his plans. He answers the email saying what he said, but with better and softer words.The opposites attract each other, he had written at the end so that she remembers that they were trying to conquer her too.

_ "I guess." _

It was her short reply, both took it as a triumph. Kuroo sends him a message immediately.

**-What will you do after school?**

-Why?

**-To go out to our traditional after school outing :D**

-We only do it because you don't have volleyball practice.

**-Yuppppppp and today is my last day off, so we should make the most of it**

-Mmmm I'll think about it.

**-Don't worry, I won't forget about you!! I fight for my friends, even if you want to return me it’s too late :) I'll wait for you at the exit!!!!!!!**

Friends? Kuroo considered him his friend... for some reason the idea made him smile. He likes Kuroo, especially now that he had know him better these past few days. He liked the idea of having two friends now.

-Okay.

When the bell rang for lunch, he walks quickly to where Kenma was, some students stopped him on the way asking about his services and without asking for more details, he told them that they must send him a message without knowing if they had his number or not and without worrying for giving it to them. It was still empty when he arrived so he sits down and prepares the speech in his mind over and over again, but he forgets it when in the second he sees Kenma's beautiful face. His face that in just one day he had missed terribly. Kenma sits next to him, he shyly greets him and they begin to eat. Keiji had not yet opened his bento that he had prepared in the morning, on top of it, he had a gift for Kenma. As if his friend was reading his mind, he begins to wrinkle his nose trying to track down the smell.

"When I left my house I went to a nearby bakery, ehh, I know you like apple pie, so here you have." He holds out the apple pie and Kenma accepts it with a smile on his face.

"Thanks," he says before attacking.

"Aren't you going to eat your lunch first though? I know you're sick, you need protein, the apple pie goes when you finish your food."

Kenma with a piece already in his mouth, rolls his eyes, pushes the small box away and begins to eat from his lunch quickly.

"The vegetables too," he says in a firm voice when he sees him bring the pastry box back to him. When he shows him that he ate everything, Keiji nods and Kenma goes for his dessert. Meanwhile he was finishing his lunch, he manages to answer another Applepi email, he was just waiting for Kuroo's approval. Huh... he wonders.

He swore that he had not put carrots in his lunch, but there he felt the taste in his mouth. He didn't spit it out just to give Kenma a better example, even if he was completely immersed in another task. He loved all the vegetables, he ate them with gusto, but the carrots... he couldn't trust those orange vegetables.

When Kenma was already finishing his dessert, he asked if he was feeling better.

"Yes, I needed an apple pie."

"About your health, I mean." He says with a small laugh.

"Ahh yes, it was just a little fever, I have to take care of myself more than ever now that winter is threatens us, I hate getting sick."

"Yes, me too". It was true, he did everything possible to take care of his health and not fall ill to feel bad for days in the solitude of his house. "Ehh by the way, it was an apology gift because I'm sorry -"

Kenma shakes his head, "You don't need to apologize, it's a thing of the past and it's not even that terrible, in fact I'm sure we never spoke before, so you had no reason to remember me."

Yes, yes it was, he wanted to say, it hurt him not to. "Still, I didn't speak to you after all, so somehow I ignored you too."

"Ahhh yes, well thanks for the apple pie, although it was not the best I have ever had. We can go to a coffee shop that I know, it’s where my parents bought it the other time you went to my house. I’ll pay, that will be my apology gift."

"You don't have to," he says in a slightly nervous tone, "But I accept!" he quickly says before he changes his mind.

"Well, we can go on Friday before going to my house, you'll love it."

"Okay". They remain in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"I- ehh" Keiji looks at him but Kenma was with his head down playing with his sleeve of his shirt. "I was even more shy in my early years if that could be possible, that's why you don't remember me, that's why it's not your fault. I didn't talk to anyone and I avoided them all, I haven't even had a friend in recent years until you came" he tries to calm his heart that was threaten him to leave his mouth. "It was my mom's idea to make me change my look in the summer when she forced me to go with her to the hairdresser, I think she was referring to cutting my hair." he says with a small laugh.

"But I ended up choosing a hair dye, I don't know, I think I was fed up with no one looking at me." Now he feels even more horrible for not speaking to Kenma in the past. "So, this year I went to school and I regretted the first day because now I felt the gaze of others on me and it was even worse. I wanted wait a little before to dyed it back to my original color without capturing the attention of the others and one day you spoke to me. I knew you, I mean everyone talked about you and what you were doing and they mentioned that you were someone unreachable or something like that and then we started talking more. I thought you would get bored with me but so far you haven't ... I hope. Thanks Keiji f- for being my friend."

He doesn't know what to answer him, he nods without looking at his face because he’s sure that his cheeks must be scarlet red. His hands were sweating a little and his heart was racing. After a few seconds when his mind lightens and clearing his throat a couples of times, he speaks to Kenma.

"Kenma me, you, I mean... ummm y-you." Shit, he looks like a student who hadn't practiced his presentation and was improvising in front of everyone.

"You don’t have to say anything." He says, finally his golden eyes looking at his face.

And once again he feels his cheeks go warm, he lowers his head and with his hands he grabs his knees to sit. He was not used to hearing the feelings of others, especially if those feelings were of Kenma, especially if those feelings of Kenma made his heart throbbing at the speed of light, he wonders if with the silence that exist now, if Kenma will be able to hear his heartbeat. He had to write it first, then edit it, then practice it and finally reply to Kenma. But he doesn’t want to leave him waiting for so long, he is aware of his anxiety and he doesn't want to worry him, he will have to settle for making a fool of himself and filtering his mouth so as not to say anything improper that would damage his relationship with Kenma, he exhales softly.

"Kenma I could never get bored of you, you don't have to thank me at all, it is a pleasure to be able to call you my friend and so it is when you do the same, in fact me too ehhh... it is also difficult for me to open up to other people. I couldn’t have chosen someone better to let in and break my wall. I can't help feeling bad for not noticing you earlier, so I'm sorry again, but y-your hair is cute, I like it and the important thing is that you also like it. In fact, I saw your photo in the yearbook and that color fits you well, but if you like blond then me too, it is your decision after all, but you shouldn’t change it for others." He breathes a few times as he tries to go over what came out of his mouth.

"Okay" It's the only thing Kenma tells him.

The two are silent, Kenma doesn’t even takes out his console to play, the minutes go by like hours, and he can't help but feel a tingling sensation in his stomach. He should confess, he had already made a fool of himself once, it won’t matter if he to does it again. He owed the truth to Kenma and if he doesn't reciprocate, they could still be friends. He brings his body closer to him because his plan is to whisper the words, since he doesn't dare to speak like a normal person. Kenma looks up and the two look at each other for endless seconds.

Keiji reaches out his hand ignoring the pulsing sound of his heart in his ears and grabs a tuck of Kenma's hair to put it behind his ear. "It's soft" It's the only thing that comes out of his mouth.

"T-thanks" the blond's cheeks flush. Now, now, now, now. "I like it like this… the hair I mean, I like it as it is now."

Keiji nods, "Yeah, it fits you."

He hears the bell but none of them makes any movement to get up. After swallowing hard and insulting himself, Keiji gets up from the floor and helps Kenma to stand up, the two leave in silence and walk to their respective classrooms, when they were about to separate, he hears Kenma's voice.

"Huh?"

"Are we walking to the station together?"

"Yes, yes" his brain reminds him of his traditional after school outing with Kuroo. "Ahhh I mean no, I just remembered that I have something to do. But tomorrow, tomorrow I can, and you can talk to me you know, while you are on the train."

Kenma nods at him and he can swear he sees a soft smile on his lips before turning around.

Now he truly can't pay attention to his surroundings, not even when Kuroo is speaking to him loudly about his day. The two walk away from the school, the day seemed warmer, brighter, the sun gave them all their heat, the birds sang and he was almost floating with each step.

"We should go to yesterday's place and order that cheesecake."

"Okay, yeah," he says with a smile at Kuroo.

"You're in a good mood today. Did something happen?"

"Hmmm nothing important."

"It's because of your friend? About what you told me in the morning? Wait… Does he goes to this school? ‘cause everytime I see you, you’re alone.”

"No, that's not why," he says a little embarrassed, Kuroo is a quite perceptive person so he changes the subject.

"Are you excited to play again tomorrow?"

"Don't change the subject! But I am. I'm going to miss not being tired after school and all the treats I've had, I can't always eat like this. That's why we should order a whole cake." The were standing next to the counter, the place was full when they arrived so they had to wait a bit.

"We could go eat it in the park."

"Eww with the wet grass and all the insects lying there."

"What did I tell you about being more adventurous?"

"That doesn’t mean that we have to eat like animals, we could go to my house, my parents are not there."

"Why didn't you say so earlier? How many people do you want to invite?" Keiji shoots him a murderous look and Kuroo laughs "I was just kidding."

At the end they order a family-size cheesecake, both convinced that there will be left over. When they take the train to his house, Kuroo tells him about his volleyball practice and about a championship there’s going to be soon. When they got home, Kuroo enters as if he has lived there all his life and sits on the couch.

"Your house is very big, Akaashi."

"Is not that big."

"Do you have any siblings?"

"No, do you have siblings?"

"Nope."

At the end they both sit in the couch eating their cheesecake while watching an action movie on the TV, it was the sequel to one that he had never seen or heard before and now doubts that he will ever watch with how silly the movie is, even so Kuroo explains everything that is happening as if he was some kind of a film commentator.

"How a third of this crap can exist?"

"Heeey, the third one is my favorite, I think it's on Netflix, wait."

The third was even worse, he can noticed that Kuroo had already seen the movie more than once because he warned him when to look every time before a death occurs, although he already saw it coming, it was incredible obvious. They spend the rest of the hour like this, Kuroo commenting on how great the movie is and him sinking it commenting on each ridiculous scene.

"I can't believe we ate the whole cheesecake."

"Speak for yourself Akaashi, I only ate two pieces."

He throws the sofa cushion at him "What a liar."

"Heeeey, is this how you treat your guests?"

"Just you.”

"What an honor" he says wiping a fake tear from his eye.

Keiji rolls his eyes and spent the rest of the hour watching the movie, he was relieved that it was finally over.

"Please don't tell me there's a fourth one."

"I wish, but no, it ends here."

"Thank goodness," he says with a smile. "Do you want a tea or something else to drink?"

"A tea is fine."

The two of them are waiting for the water to boil in the kitchen, Kuroo sits on the counter with his back arched and his messy hair bumping into the top cabinet.

"Can I tell you something?"

Keiji nods as he pours the tea into each cup and brings the sugar closer for Kuroo to drink.

"Thanks," he says as they both drink their tea. "You know?"

"Hmmm"

"I hated you."

"What" He laughs a little surprised at his statement "Why?"

Kuroo laughs a for a second too before speaking. "I was the best in chemistry class and it also coincided in being my favorite subject until the clown of the class started to get better grades than me, I couldn't believe it, he was an idiot who one day failed at everything and the next day out of nowhere he got higher grades than me. And one day I heard in the hallways about a boy who was charging for doing various reports, homework’s and essays. I was angry because it wasn't fair, someone who didn’t deserve it was getting good grades, better grades than someone who spends all his free time studying. In the end it helped me to improve myself and be the best in the class again. I was about to go to the principal in fact, but I regretted, I didn't know you but I didn't want to get you into trouble either, but I did had a certain distance towards you. "

Ohhh he had never thought about how this affected others, chemistry was difficult for him and he remembers charging a boy the double to do the advanced class reports, it took him a whole week to do it. Still, it wasn't fair to those who really tried hard.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Please don't apologize, it's not your fault and it already happened. It's nothing, really... But can I ask you something?"

"You can. Another thing is if I decide to answer you."

They both smile at each other. "Why do you do it?"

"Ah?"

"I mean, I thought you were struggling with money or something and no offense, but your house is very nice and big, I can see that your parents have money, so I assume it’s not just about money, so why did you do you it?"

Keiji sighs and then shrugs. "At first it was because it seemed like a good idea and now I don't know, I guess I'm bored, that's all." It was the truth, he does it because he gets bored doing nothing. "That was the reason why I decided to write the letters in the first place."

Kuroo drinks from his mug. "Ahh do you like it at least?"

He thinks hard well before answering his question. "No, but I like receiving the money afterwards and that's how I entertain myself."

“You should find yourself a better hobby, will you continue doing that at college? "

"Of course not, I could get expelled."

"Hmmm, they can expel you from school too."

"Not if they don't catch me."

Kuroo looks at him with... concern perhaps? "Well, then keep it going like that, going unnoticed, I wouldn't want you to be kicked out of school."

"Don't worry, they wouldn't even have evidence."

Kuroo laughs "And what do you want to study?"

"I'm not sure yet. What about you?"

"Biochemistry."

It was a very difficult career. "Really?" Kuroo nods his head. "It sounds difficult but if you like it ..."

"Of course I like it. For what other reason would I decide to study it and dedicate the rest of my life to it?"

"My parents want me to be a doctor," he had the cup in his hands, hogging his heat.

"And... I suppose you don't want to?"

"No, that's why I’m saving for college too."

"Well, go follow your own path then. I imagine that you must have quite a lot of savings considering that you have had your shady business since first year and that you are very organized. "

"I do, I could survive of my savings for a while."

"No wonder I'm so poor Akaashi, you should give me a friendship discount or something. What do I have to do to get a coupon?" He says in a funny tone.

"Nothing, I don't want you to keep paying me. I'll do it for free."

"..."

"What?"

"That I will do it for free."

"No, Akaashi no, it's your job, it was just a joke, I have money, umm it's not necessary."

"Please, besides I told you that this entertained me and it works as a practice for romance sometime in the near future."

"But Akaashi... I can't allow it."

"I insist, I can not charge a friend."

Kuroo's eyes sparkle at that moment, "Ohhh Akaashi, fine, but I'll pay you in other ways, ehh, I can help you to re-enter into society."

He frowns. "I am not someone who has been in jail for years."

"No, but it’s similar, I will help you to have more friends, I can get you a girlfriend." he says wiggling his eyebrows. "I will take you to parties, so you practice for the university and I will buy you this cheesecake someday, but the small size because now I just want to throw it up."

"None of those options are appealing to me."

Kuroo laughs "What are friends for?"

  
  


The weeks go by fast after Kuroo joined his tiny circle of friendship, although he tries to ignore him at school because the captain felt paranoid that Jane Doe will saw them together and that she would ended up connecting the dots thus discovering his charade. Keiji preferred it like this, he was too loud and popular for Kenma, occasionally they made fun of the school popular kids, he didn't say Kuroo's name on purpose because he didn’t want to know what Kenma thought of him, it was enough with what he used to think based on the rumors.

The relationship between Kuroo and Jane Doe improved considerably, sometimes Kuroo asked him not to interfere in some of their conversations and he happily agreed, he liked when Kuroo gain more and more confidence talking to her. They were already at step 27, while he and Kenma at the step 62. They almost always got together at lunchtime and when the blond skipped school, he had lunch with Kuroo and his annoying volleyball team.

He would meet Kenma every Friday to play, sometimes he would take his video game console to his house, Kenma likes it because his parents were never around and nobody will stop him from eating junk food, Keiji didn't want to do it neither because he didn't want to be on his blacklist. He went from always being last in Mario Kart to now being the second last, and Kenma gave him an old console he had with a few games so he could practice.

When they had their short break from classes, he and Kenma hang together almost daily, or he went to his house or Kenma went to his, although he preferred his warm home with his nice parents and his homemade food rather than his cold and empty house. When he didn't go out with Kenma, he went out with Kuroo instead. He had joined him to play volleyball a couple of times, it was more difficult than he thought, his muscles ached for almost three days in a row and as revenge he forced Kuroo to go running with him, the bastard enjoyed it. Once, just once he agreed to go to a party, it took only fifteen minutes for him to make up an excuse and get out of there, without a doubt that was not his environment.

"When are your parents coming home?" Kenma asks him while playing with almost no expression on his face.

"I don't know, I think within the next week."

"Hmmm"

"Why?" He has improved in the recent weeks and he no longer moves the controller everywhere, instead he presses the buttons as he should be, well except when he panics.

"I have never seen them and you always mention that you are here alone. My parents don't care if you spend more time at my house."

He can feel Kenma looking at him out of the corner of his eye. "Thank you, but I don't want to always intrude your family and my parents ehh they will be back soon, they leave me with all I need in here."

"I know, but the offer will always stand."

"Thank you" he says as they keep playing.

It was snowing when they were walking to the station and he was giggling a little every time he saw Kenma. All the clothes he was wearing made him look much bigger and he was walking like a penguin. With his big scarf, which by the way he had given him, and his hat that was a little too big for his head, he could only see his golden eyes and the red tip of his nose. Keiji's boots echoed in the snow, his hands were in its pockets, and he’s wearing his plush earmuffs. 

The snow was falling slowly and the city was already painted in white. The two arrive relieved to the station, getting a little closer to each other to warm up, Kenma takes off his gloves to answer a message on his phone, they were his parents and he was telling them that he was going to arrive home soon. He rubs his hands together gently and brings them to his mouth to gain heat.

The snowflakes on the blond part of his hair still haven't melted, he sees them melt as if he's watching the most entertaining thing in the world.

"What?" Kenma says with the scarf around his neck freeing his mouth completely, his lips looked split and red due to the cold.

"Nothing, you just have snow on your hair." He gently shakes a part of his hair with his hand.

"Thanks," he says as he continues rubbing his hands together.

“You need better gloves," the wool gloves he was wearing were red, while his were thermal bluish black.

He takes Kenma's hands between his own to make him feel the material, he runs his thumb through his fingers. "You see?"

Kenma doesn’t raise his head but he nods, Keiji doesn’t release his hands so that the contact continues despite not being a direct contact. "Here" he says, taking off both of his gloves.

"Keiji."

"I have another pair at home" He did had them, but they were not as good as the ones he was using now, maybe he will go out one day to buy them.

He helps Kenma put the gloves on and he feels his cold hands, his were cold too, but not as much as him. He knew Kenma was sensitive to cold so he really appreciated that he had come today.

"Wear these, at least until you get to your house." Kenma hands them his red gloves, they were soaked but he still puts them on, only because the blonde had asked him to.

The train doesn’t take long to arrive so both say their goodbyes, Kenma puts his scarf again and his face was still just as red.

"See you tomorrow." He says to Kenma and he replies with something he can't understand because of the scarf covering his mouth, but he supposes it's the same.

He stays a while watching the train go, then he advances towards his house with his two hands in his pockets, halfway there he receives a message that he supposes is from Kenma. He quickly takes off his new right glove and unlocks his cell phone screen.

**-Thanks for the gloves Keiji, they're warm.**

He replies and walks with his phone in hand ignoring the penetrating cold waiting for another message from him.


	9. Progress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

At least his first weeks back at school are not that busy, but he knows that the real torture is yet to come when the first grades begin to be scheduled by the teachers, they students make dozens of offers for his job and without feeling bad he chooses the ones that pay him the most. Although he doesn't accept as many as before, he has to worry about his own grades first, then Kuroo and Jane, and finally about his work, obviously leaving his sacred Friday time with Kenma intact. Falling back into his routine, he spends his lunches hidden with Kenma in their usual place with a occasional textbook in his hand and a pen in the other. The sound of Kenma's PSP buttons and his smalls sighs made him relax, he turns around looking for a page, he lifts the book from his hand and it wasn't there either, he has to stand to look for it and Kenma without taking his eyes off his game, brings his hand closer to him along with a piece of paper that was literally just next to him. He murmurs a little thank you.

"Here you have."

"Thanks Akaashi, what about the physics one?"

"Wasn't that for Monday?"

"Yes, but I would like to have it as soon as possible."

"Saturday is the best I can promise, sorry, you know how the first weeks are."

He already had his report ready, but Kuroo had told him that he heard someone said at a party that was selling reports and essays. He didn’t mind having a little competition, it would only affect him if the idiot is no careful enough and would ended up been caught, which would make it impossible for him to continue with his business. But Kuroo had told him that he was only selling certain homework’s... The guy was selling his own work, but he still had no proof of who he was, so he needed to rule out the suspects, Kuroo was helping him by being his secret informant and together they already have their main suspect.

"What will you do when you catch him red-handed?"

"I will tell him that I will not work with him again."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"What if he gets mad?"

"Well, I can't help his feelings."

"You know what I’m talking about Akaashi, what if he wants to take it out on you?"

"I will defend myself."

"Don't be an idiot, the captain of the basketball team will leave you with permanent damage, I will go with you."

He looks at Kuroo out of the corner of his eye, the two of them were sitting on the gym benches, it was later than usual and Keiji had promised to help him improve his serves by record him to know how to get better.

"You don't have to do that, isn't he your friend?"

"You are my friend Akaashi, the only thing that the idiot will do is to ban me from going to his pool parties."

"Well, he wins with that, I don't have a pool to offer you."

Kuroo snorts. "You'll have to think of something for next summer."

  
  


When Kenma had to be in charge of cleaning his classroom after school, he stayed with him to help him clean. They were both laughing about something when they heard someone at the door.

"Akaashi?"

He sees the serious expression of Kenma’s face that in just seconds ago had a smile, he turns around and sees Sadashi standing there.

"Ahh hello, what are you doing here?"

The girl approaches him with a smile on her face and waving her hair. "This is my classroom duhhh, I forgot my math book, I think I left it here." She bends down to look for under a seat.

"Let me help you." The faster she goes, the better. He helps her search for the book with her name but they can't find it anywhere.

"Haven't you seen it around here Kozume?" The girl asks, tilting her head slightly.

His friend shakes his head.

"Are you sure it's not in your locker?"

"No, I don’t think is there and I really need it for tomorrow's test."

He knows that Kenma had his, he was just talking about it before about carry around the heavy book home, maybe he can lend it to take some photos to some pages that had to be studied. He crosses his gaze with the blond and as if he knew what he was thinking about, he slightly shakes his head before continuing with the cleaning.

"Can you help me Akaashi?"

"Ehh?"

"To look it up in my locker." The lockers were extremely small, just by taking out a couple of things she was going to be able to find it, he didn't understand why she needed his help.

"I think just one person is enough."

"It’s just that the door is a little stuck, I need a little of brute force to open it."

He exhales loudly and turns to see Kenma, "I'll be right back Kozume" he doesn't want to call him by his name in front of Sadashi.

The blond slowly looks up, his lips forming a straight line, he nods once with his head before continuing to clean.

They walk down the hall, Sadashi was talking to him about something, but he wasn't really paying much attention to her. He walks faster and faster until they finally reach her locker.

Sadashi spins a few numbers. "Now you have to push hard."

Keiji tries to open it but it was impossible, he tries a couple more times with all his strength but it was useless, he approaches to see the lock and it didn’t look open from the inside.

Sadashi pushes him away. "Let's try again." She spin the numbers again and gives Akaashi space to open the door.

It opens immediately and the girl lets out a pretty fake cry of excitement, because he was sure he had just been fooled, she briefly goes through her things and takes out his math book.

"Lucky me, I looked for it everywhere."

"You should talk to the janitor about your locker and if it wasn't in the classroom it was pretty obvious that it was going to be in here, this should have been the first place of the search.”

Sadashi laughs with an exaggerated laugh even though he didn't say anything funny. "And why were you cleaning my classroom Akaashi?"

"I was helping Kozume, which by the way I have to go back" he makes a movement to turn around but hears her speak again.

"Wait Akaashi! Ehh math is not my forte, I was wondering if you wanted to help me study ..." The girl was playing with a lock of her blonde hair and had her feet crossed while still moving, it seemed like she wanted to go to the bathroom.

"No, I'm busy today."

"Ohh but I can pay you for your time."

He considers it for a brief brief second. "As I said, I'm busy."

He turns around and says goodbye to her without listening to her answer, he runs to the classroom but in the way he sees Kenma walking.

"Sorry I’m late Kenma."

The blond looks at him narrowing his eyes "It doesn't matter."

The two walk in silence to the station and when he tries to make conversation Kenma responds with briefs answers only. After a while he tries again.

"Do you need any help studying math?"

"No."

He must be irritated due to the cold. He fears that when he gets on his train Kenma will not speak to him, but his friend sends him an invitation to a game to play online, he had forced him to download the app weeks ago, he accepts it immediately and they start playing during the journey, sometimes he plays it in his spare time, he has to admit that it’s a little bit addictive, but even if he plays it almost every day, he still cannot beat Kenma.

  
  


That day he left his house annoyed, his parents were pressuring him to choose the university he would attend to, he still hasn’t decided and he doesn’t even know what to study or that’s is what he is trying to convince himself. Today they were leaving and they will drop the conversation for now, but as soon as they get back it’s all going to start again, they would tell him again that it was time for him to think about his future. Maybe he should take the leap of faith and tell them he wants to study literature, he quickly gets that thought out of his head. No one would get hurt if he tells them when he is finishing his career, right?

He is only a few months away from entering college, that makes him nervous, in Tokyo there are several options, but one that’s in another city has caught his attention the most, it’s only about six hours from here by car, he prefers to leave the city if he’s going to study literature, but after the past few months experiencing having a friendship, he's not sure if he can leave them and create other bonds there. Kuroo already told him that he would study here in Tokyo, the university is just a short distance by train from his house, it’s a prestigious university so he has been helping him to study a bit to increased his grades, they are not bad at all, on the contrary. He was surprised when Kuroo showed him his grades report card, probably his biggest weaknesses were those that had nothing to do with sciences, like history and english, but apart from that his grades were spectacular.

He had told him of his desire to continue with volleyball in college, but if it becomes too difficult for him to continue with the sport and keep his good grades he would not hesitate to quit the team. That surprised him, he knew that he loves the sport and he spoke to him about his competitions that were to come… daily. How could he be able to give up on something he loved so much?

He has not asked Kenma again about what he will do in his future, without a doubt that was the answer that scared him the most. He fears that Kenma would choose a university far from here and that he will end up following him like a fool, just like if he chooses one here and that he decides to stay for his friend. He knew it was a silly idea but he had already got used to his company and having no reference about a long-distance relationship, even if it’s only friendship, he would not know how to move forward with him. He had contemplated the idea of confessing to his friend hundreds of times, but he always regretted it at the last minute, he didn't want to ruin one of his first friendship in years, and to be honest he was terrified at the idea of starting a romantic relationship. So he said to himself that he would wait. For what? He has no idea.

Kenma had skipped school today, he had a strong cold since a few days now and finally he was able to convinced him to stay home so as not to continue suffering at school. Winter affected his health is what he told him, luckily it’s already ending. Keiji was concerned at first thinking that the blond had a more serious illness, but when he asked his friend, he just laughed and told him that his body simply did not tolerate cold. He understood him, spring was coming, and that would affect his allergies considerably.

He made the foolish decision to have lunch with Kuroo and his "friends", it was torture. He didn't understand how Kuroo could enjoy the company of those troglodytes. One of them had even thrown food at him. The two of them leave school late heading to the coffee shop that Kuroo had taken him the first time to drink something hot before venturing out into the cold, although the weather was already changing and he was feeling more and more the heat of the sun.

With their coffee and tea in hand, the two sit at one of the tables at the back. He takes a sip without worrying about burning, letting the hot liquid slide down his throat.

"I don't know if I want her to go."

"Don't be stupid Kuroo, you've been waiting for an opportunity like this for a long time."

"Yes, but it will only make me more nervous."

"You know she doesn't like talking about it and yet she decided to go see you, be a man and say yes." 

Kuroo had mentioned to Jane that he had an important volleyball game on Friday afternoon and out of nowhere, she offered to go see him. Hours had passed and Kuroo still hadn't answered her, there were only two days left for the game so there was no time to lose.

"That’s why, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, plus what if someone sees us."

Despite being friends, Kuroo hasn't told him about Jane Doe's true identity, only that she was shy and she couldn't bear the attention of others on her, especially if they saw her with Kuroo the highly desired bachelor (his words, not mine or Jane's). But he sensed that there was something deeper, he still thought that she had a boyfriend and he must be bigger and more muscular than Kuroo.

"She say it herself, she wouldn't have if she didn't really want to go and since when do you worry about what others say?"

"Since forever apparently." Kuroo lies down on the table with his hands extended under him.

"This is a new opportunity for you, a new step for your relationship and maybe if everything goes well you can go out after the game."

His friend lifts his head slightly and growls. "Okay, I'll tell her." He takes out his cell phone and begins to type. "I can't Akaashi, you do it."

He rolls his eyes before sending a lengthy email thanking her for volunteering and he'd love to see her there.

"Done" he says to Kuroo.

"Oh no, what did you do!" His friend lies on the table again.

Keiji sighs before speaking, "I think you are just afraid."

"That's obvious". He responds without lifting his head off the table.

"Ahh well t-then get over it. What will you do when you have to separate to go to college? Would you like that your only memory of her to be just those emails reminding you of your cowardice for not taking the next step? And I was the one who refused to take risks according to you.”

His friend rests his hands under his chin. "Because it's true, you don't. Have you ever been on a date?"

"Don’t change the subject."

"Just because we go to college, doesn't mean we'll lose touch, but you're right. Where can I take her?"

"What will I know? I've never been on a date."

"Why don't I get you a date and come with us? We could go on a double date."

Keiji raises an eyebrow. "Are you going to introduce me to Jane?"

Kuroo sighs. "No, I just wanted you to agree to go on a date. Do you remember Sumiko? The other day she asked me about you, it would be the third time she talks to me about you."

"She only does it because she wants me to help her with her homework for free." It wouldn't be the first time that someone asks him for a discount offering a favor that has nothing to do with money.

"She? Naaah. She's a good girl and she's cute."

"I doubt she said it because she wants to have something with me." After meeting Kuroo he had learned not to judge a book by its cover but she ... it was not only her perfect appearance, it was her actions, he had seen her mocking others in the hallways, the other time at lunch he heard her talk crap for half an hour about a someone who was apparently her best friend.

"You need more self-confidence in yourself Akaashi, you are an attractive person."

He looks him in the eyes. "I know that, I said it because I know that she is not a good person."

Kuroo laughs. "I like your confidence, she's not bad, but if she's not your type... How about that blonde girl who was following you the other day? I don't remember her name."

"Sadashi? And no. When did this become a conversation about my love life?"

"It would be, if you had one."

The two walked together to the station, it was no longer as cold as when they left school. He could see the nervousness on his friend's face.

"Look, if you're afraid to open your mouth and ruin everything then take her to the movies, you won't have to talk as much and then you can just talk about the movie if you don't know what topic to talk to her about. Hmmm and you can take her to eat, everyone appreciates free food. It's a perfect date. "

"It sounds good, and I could-I could talk about the game. God I hope I win and not be embarrassed."

"I’m sure you will win."

"I hope so," he says with a big smile. "Don't you want to go?"

"Sorry, I'm busy on Friday. But I promise I'm going to the next one." Knowing now the rules of the game, it was no longer so boring to watch, the other day he find himself watching a live match on tv, he watched it until the end and he really enjoyed the sport now.

"Don't worry. See you soon Akaashi!"

He says goodbye with a movement of his head, he had his hands in his pocket and when he enters his train he finds an empty seat, when he sits down he talks to Kenma.

**-I just got on the train. How do you feel?**

-Better

-Thank you

-What were you doing at school so late?

**-I was with a friend.**

-Wow, just took you one day to replace me

What? he didn't mean to say that, Kuroo could never replace Kenma. He started to panic. He could tell him that he didn't even like him that much…

-Just kidding

He exhales a little relieved.

**-Haha, are you coming tomorrow?**

-I think so, I feel much better now and I don't want to miss more classes

-Not at this point of the year

They talk for a while until they announce his stop, he says goodbye to Kenma and walks slowly to his house. It was empty as always and he starts to prepare dinner just for himself. He eats silently checking his phone, he sees some emails from Applepi, they were talking about which movie they could see, a smile forms on his face. Lately Kuroo hasn’t been needing him so much to write to her and less and less he asked his opinion on some subject, he would read the conversations when he was bored and he will laughed at his friend's nervousness. Every Monday morning he wrote her a little phrase wishing her a good week full of sentimentalism and crap like that, Kuroo had not yet reached that level of writing, but he had shown him a few drafts... he still needed practice.

Despite the fact that Jane could have a boyfriend, he likes her, she was a nice girl and quite funny. Sometimes she was in a bad mood and he would notices immediately, it was there when he would intervened. Kuroo made her laugh, he didn’t notice it because of the written laughs but by the way she would write him after, little by little she was opening up to them. When she said that she likes to play video games, Keiji was the one who took the lead on the conversation, he already knew a bit about the subject thanks to Kenma, so he talked to her about everything he had talked him about. He had to teach Kuroo how to play Mario Kart, miraculously he was better than the taller. Boring cat memes, volleyball videos, links to play online are often sent, and sometimes they talked about their daily lives or pointless things, but when the conversation got serious or deeper, he refused to invade their privacy more than necessary and he would leave them alone.

Analyzing his diagram, the couple had already jumped from step 40 to 65, "First date", he hoped that Kuroo would take another jump and go directly to the step 75 "First kiss". Surely after that he would no longer be needing him, and in a few years they will laugh about this. He would like to meet Jane after they start dating, he doubts Kuroo will tell her about the beginning of their relationship, but he was someone honest, so maybe he will tell her after their first wedding anniversary, well that's what he had told him when he asked Kuroo if he would ever tell her the truth.

He was feeling a little bit jealous on how quickly their relationship had progressed, he still couldn't invite Kenma out on a date, well they had go out several times and visited their houses as well, but it didn't count as a romantic date. The difference was that Jane was aware of Kuroo's feelings towards her. Kenma had no idea how fast his heart was beating when he smiled at him, how his body reacted with each touch of the blond, how he shuddered when he whispered in his ear, how much he wanted his golden eyes to look at him with something more than friendship.

He was about to fall asleep when he felt his phone buzzing, it was a message from Kenma. Maybe he changed his mind and won't be going to school tomorrow.

**-Keiji?**

-Kenma you should be resting, but tell me.

**-Something came up**

**-Hmmm I can't go to your house on Friday**

Ohhh

**-But if you want we can go tomorrow**

**-Or on Saturday**

**-When you prefer**

Seeing him earlier was better for him.

-Tomorrow is fine, but are you sure you feel better?

**-Yesyes I already told you**

**-It's just a stupid cold**

**-I'm recovering :)**

-I'm glad to hear it Kenma. Now you should go to sleep, you better rest.

**-Ok ok bye**

-Good night!

He leaves his phone aside with a strange feeling in his stomach, it was not the usual tingling or according to the internet "Butterflies". It was something else, something that made his mouth feel bitter. After a few minutes, he re-read the conversation and saw that Kenma is still online.

-Kenma...

**-I'm going**

**-I'm going**

**-Ughhhh**

-Sleep well.

**-Good night Keiji**

He stares at the screen of his phone for a few minutes before finally falling asleep.

  
  


"I still won, so it's not important."

"Do you still have it?"

"I don’t think so."

"Didn't your parents keep it?"

Keiji lets out a snort. "The moment they saw it, they wanted to burn it."

"Ohh my parents still have the macaroni necklace I made for them at the age of five."

"That sounds... not hygienic at all."

They were sitting together on the train on the way home. The day was warm and the sun was shining with all its might, yet he forced Kenma to bundle up.

"That doesn't matter, it's a fond memory after all." Kenma says. "If I had won a literary contest at such a young age, surely my parents would have hung it in the entrance to the house or published it."

"Ohh, well, it wasn't that important, it was a contest just for children only."

"Still, you must be very talented. Why didn't you compete in the following years?"

He tries to hide his face by looking away, Kenma was not with his console and was staring directly at him. "My parents wouldn't let me, my imagination was a little ehh bloody, I think that was the word they use, so it was better that I didn't express myself in that way. "

"That's bullshit," the lady in front of them turns to see Kenma and gives him a disapproving look. "You had talent as a child and they should have helped you to continue developing it. Do you still write?"

He would like to wear a mask to cover his face like the one Kenma is wearing right now because his face is burning. "Just as a child perhaps."

"But are you still writing?" Kenma insists.

"Ahhh w-well sometimes, but I don't know if they are good because nobody has seen them so I wouldn't really know if -".

"I can read them" he clears his throat, "If you let me, I could give you my opinion, maybe I’m not an expert on the subject like you, but I could help you."

He thinks about it for a moment, he has written several stories, some unfinished, others that have a sequel, but they are all short, he wrote some of them years ago and his writing style has changed since then. He has one that he wrote in the summer, is a mystery and he quite liked his ending, he could show him that one.

"If you don't want to, that's fine. I didn't mean to pressure you or anything."

"No, no, that's fine, I think I have some that I can show you, most of them are on my computer and the oldest ones are written in a notebook, but you have to take into account that I wrote them at maybe 13 years old, they don't reflect at all what I write now. "

Kenma smiles at him. He can't see it through the mask covering his mouth and nose, but he can see it in the sparkle in his eyes. When they announce their stop the two get up from the seat at the same time to walk home. They talk about school and a new movie that is in theaters, he opens the door of his house carefully and takes off his shoes, Kenma kept talking to him when he sees that his parents are sitting in the living room both with their computers in their laps.

They just leave yesterday morning on a business trip to Hokkaido.

"Aren't you going to say hello Keiji?" His mom says without looking up from her laptop.

Keiji is still at the entrance of the house, he gulps. "Good afternoon, ehh this is Kozume Kenma."

His parents turn their heads to see their guest at the same time, Kenma waves his hand shyly at them.

"Welcome, Kozume right?" his father says.

Kenma nods.

"Are you here to do a homework together?" His mother asks them.

"No, I mean, we just came to look for some textbooks and then we will go to Ke-Kozume's house."

Kenma doesn't say anything, he just nods again supporting him.

"Didn’t you think about telling us sooner, son?”

"I thought you might be busy and you wouldn’t read the message."

"We finished earlier than we thought, but it’s most likely that we will have to travel again tomorrow morning. "

"Ahh okay." He looks at his parents and then at Kenma. "It won't take me long, I'll be right back."

Kenma eyes widens, pleading with his eyes not to leave him alone. He says a little apology before running upstairs. When he gets to his room he grabs the first book he finds and takes it in his hand, he grabs another one just in case. When he goes down a little slower, Kenma was still standing in the same place looking at his feet.

"Well, I'll be back later. Bye."

"Son, wait."

He turns around quickly and his mother gestures for him to come closer. "We are in a hurry, mother."

His mother raises an eyebrow at him. "Aren't you going to wear a mask? Your friend looks a little sick and I don't want you to get infected."

He looks at her defiantly while in his mind he apologizes to Kenma, his father joins the battle by looking directly at him. He reluctantly turns around because otherwise they will never leave, he walks to the bathroom to go for the first aid kit, he’s sure that he has a face mask there. Kenma holds him by the sleeve of his blazer, so he turns around, the blond opens his backpack and gives him a mask, he accepts it in his hand and says goodbye to his parents. He hears at his father said that he must arrive early.

They walked in an awkward silence back to the station, he still had the mask Kenma gave him clutched to his hand. He gives it back to him so it doesn't get dirty and he can save it for later without getting rid of it. Kenma was sitting and he was standing next to him, his friend offered to carry his things but he refused. He is upset. No, angry, almost furious, not with Kenma obviously, but with his parents. His mother was rude and his father too, they barely greeted his friend and made him feel uncomfortable.

He hopes Kenma isn't mad at him, maybe he's embarrassed. He was looking out of the window without really paying attention and he feels his phone buzzing in his pocket. He picks it up with one hand and unlocks it, it was a message from Kenma.

**-Are you okay?**

-Yes, I’m sorry for my parents.

**-It doesn't matter, I'll tell my mom to makes onigiri**

-Please, it’s not necessary.

**-I just told her**

-You didn't, I'm literally watching you.

**-Okay, I'll just let her know that you're going**

He can see how Kenma search on his contact list for his mom. He writes her that they are on the way home. He doesn't want to spy on him, but he wants to make sure he doesn't say anything to his mom. "That's great. when i get home, I'll cook onigiri for you." He can clearly see Mrs. Kozume answer. Kenma who must have felt his gaze brings his phone closer to his face with a smile, Keiji rolls his eyes and thanks him softly.

"I’m sorry," he says when they are already in the comfort of Kenma's messy room.

"You didn't do anything wrong." The blond says preparing the game.

"I lied, ehh, but I did it because... I mean my parents, well I didn't want you to be there with them. It's not because I'm ashamed of you, it's because of them, I'm sorry."

"Keiji seriously, it's not your fault, it doesn't matter. I think I understand, your mother scared me a little, it was a good idea to make something up to leave."

"Yes." He says fiddling with his fingers.

"If you don't feel umm comfortable, you know you're welcome here."

"Thank you, Kenma." He didn’t know what else to say to him, he was no longer angry but he felt a little embarrassed by the situation, he was almost 18 years old, he shouldn't fear his parents reaction.

When Kenma's parents arrive the four of them have dinner together at the table, Mr. Kozume tells funny anecdotes of his day, Kenma's mother touches her son's forehead from time to time and asks him how he’s feeling every two minutes, Kenma answers her that he’s fine getting more and more irritated by every time by the same question, her food was delicious as always, Keiji joins the conversation asking a few questions, even Kenma contributes with some things. He couldn’t help but formed a soft smile on his face. In that moment he was more than happy and he was looking forward to spending more time with Kenma and his family, he doubts whether to spend Fridays at his house again because he preferred the cozy and warm atmosphere of the Kozume family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops... I forgot to update😅 the next chapter is coming on Saturday, I promise!  
> What do you think of the story so far? Is it good? Bad? Horrible? Meh? I'll love to read your opinions because honestly I'm feeling super self-conscious about it right now. Is it to slow? Is Akaashi too occ? My writing sucks? 🙃🙃
> 
> Kudos and comments are my fuel!!! ❤❤


	10. The date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

**-How did it go?**

-We are still lining up at the cinema, I bought popcorn but half of it fell on the floor, at least she laughed... at me, but it still counts.

**-I was referring to the game...**

-Ohhh we won. Should we sit at the back? I don't want her to think I want to try something on the first date ... or should I? Just wrap my arm around her at least?? Or not? I don't know, what do you think ??????

**-I think you should put the phone away as not to seem impolite.**

-Akaashiiiiiiiiiiiii

**-At the back, but don't try anything... I don't know if that's the correct answer though. It's just what I would do. And pay attention to her, don't take out your phone again. You can do this! Don’t be an idiot, remember the prohibited topics of conversation and don’t stumble over your words... Good luck !! :)**

**And congratulations on your triumph.**

-Thank you ........ I'll try, I’ll let you know later 

With a sigh Keiji leaves his phone on the table without first sending a message to Kenma. He focuses on the homework in front of him, he's on his computer doing some history essays, three in fact, the worst thing is that they are all about the same topic and he has to make them different somehow.

When he finally finishes he checks his folders on his laptop to find his best stories and send them to Kenma, he also uses his time to make his own english homework. Bored and with nothing to do, he messages Kenma again, but he still doesn't answer the first message, so he deletes it. He sighs again when he sees his laptop and remembers that he had a half-finished letter for Kenma, he opens it to write a little.

_ "Dear Kenma..." _

Well, he was missing more than half. He stretches out his arms and prepares mentally to transmit all his thoughts to the paper, after about five minutes of looking at his wall, he decides to take a short break and go for a tea. Okay, now with a clear mind and a hot tea in his hands it will be easier to write.

_ "Kozume Kenma..." _

Nope.

_ "Kenma..." _

That's a setback, he takes a sip of his tea and starts writing.

It was useless, apparently writing about the feelings of others was easier than writing about his own feelings. You still have time, he tells himself as he looks at the ceiling, he has been thinking about giving the letter to him on the last day of school, in that case if he turns him down they wouldn't be forced to see each other's face for the rest of the year. He closes his eyes and inhales and exhales deeply, he sits up straight and with his fingers approaching the laptop, he closes it. He needs inspiration before confessing all his feelings.

It was two AM when he decides to stop with the intense search and go to bed, he turns off the tv when he was on his fifth episode of a romantic reality show, he cleans the mess of his living room due all of the food junk he had previously consumed alone while grimacing at television and throwing the wraps at characters he didn't like. The manga about love were much better, in fact he sets a task of going shopping more tomorrow, it was his new secret addiction, well not so secret, Kenma had caught him, he had even borrowed him some.

He still has no answer from Kuroo but he ignores it, if his date went well, he would speak to him in the morning. Kenma had written to him two hours ago, he replied, and to his surprise his friend was online. They talk for a while about different topics like the ridiculous tv show he was watching, about his homework for next Monday and Kenma mentions that he has finished his new game and if his grades improve, his parents would buy him the sequel as a birthday gift. It had already happened, Keiji had spent almost a fortune on a Pokemon game, they played it together in Kenma’s bedroom while eating apple pie from his new favorite coffee shop. But it was almost likely that his parents would succumb to his son's charms and they would end up giving him the money.

**-You should save it for college.**

Subtle...

-It’s not time to think about that yet

**-We have like, what? two months of classes left?**

-That's why

**-I’m just saying that it's about time to think about your future.**

-You already know what to study?

**-I have my options...**

-I know it since I was a child, so I'm fine

**-Whaat? And what is it?**

-You tell me first

**-But I don't know yet.**

-Keiji it's about time you think about your future...

**-I am, that's why I asked you.**

He waits exactly 123 seconds when Kenma writes again.

-I saw you sent me some of your stories, I was reading one about a murder earlier, but I think I will read them tomorrow

-But from what I read the bloodthirsty boy never left

**-Ha ha that’s my favorite actually, I hope you like it, read it when you aren’t sleepy, or you will not understand it.**

-Yeah

-Surprisingly I'm already worn out

-Good night Keiji

**-Let’s talk tomorrow, good night Kenma.**

It was almost three AM when he closed his eyes, Kenma was leading him astray.

  
  


They were lying face down on the bed in his room reading a manga together. Well, Keiji was doing it because Kenma was more focused on his console.

"I won't wait for you to turn the page."

"Read it out loud," Kenma says without taking his eyes off his game.

Keiji peeks over his shoulder and his friend was playing a game similar to Pacman. "You won't pay attention to it anyway."

"Yes I will, come on Keiji read to me. I like your voice."

He can feel the heat reaching his cheeks. "Get off the game so you can read it for yourself."

"But I'm winning. Please."

He looks out again and he has no idea if he’s losing or winning. "If you don't want to, that’s fine, keep playing."

"I'll stop when I win."

"Do what you want." He doesn't know why his voice sounds so irritated, he doesn't want Kenma to be mad at him.

"Hmm What's in it for me?"

"W-what?

"What's in it for me?"

Keiji gulps. "I don't know, what do you want?"

Kenma takes his eyes off his video game and looks at him straight in the eye "A kiss."

He had never encouraged Kenma that much to win a game the way he’s doing it now. He saw some lines move, cubes fall, and a yellow sphere running from one side to the other. When the screen goes black, he has no idea if he won or not. The blond looks at him with a smile and approaches him dropping the console and positioning his fingers on his cheek, Kenma approaches and gives him a soft kiss on the lips.

Keiji felt like he couldn't breathe, he was sure that his face looked like a tomato and a strange tickle was spreading from his fingers to the rest of his body, yet he builds up the courage and brings his lips back to Kenma. The innocent kiss rapidly turns into something else, his hand was resting on the blond's neck while the other stroked his hair, Kenma was practically on top of him sliding his hands inside his shirt making direct contact, his tongue was exploring Kenma’s mouth and from time to time the blond with a mischievous smile would bite his lips.

What if I'm moving to fast? He says to himself, but Kenma tells him that he’s not and begins to kiss his neck, his hands go down to his hip where he begins to caress them, Kenma stops his movements and his golden eyes look at him hungrily, without taking his eyes off him he runs his hands down his abdomen to his crotch, Keiji rolls his hips at the sensation and hears a splendid noise coming from Kenma's mouth.

"Keiji" he huffs out his name, still touching the bulge of his pants.

The blond glued his lips to his again, sticking his tongue inside his mouth without stopping the movement of his hips. He tries to find more friction by doing the same.

"Keiji" Kenma whispers in his ear and chills run through his entire body.

His hands go up to his head and he runs his fingers through his blond hair until he pulls it a little.

"K-Kenma" he tells the blond when he starts to move faster.

"Kenma" he says louder this time.

He closes his eyes because he feels overwhelmed, all these sensations coming from everywhere, a tickle runs through his whole body and he hears a high-pitched noise ringing in his ears, he doesn't even remember Kenma coming to his house.

Ohh shit.

His eyes snap open, the bright sunlight made his eyes hurt, he blinks a few times to get used to the light. He rubs his legs together and there's that sticky feeling. He picks up his phone to see the time, and it was almost 12, he had never sleep till this late. He contemplates at his ceiling for a moment to evaluate his options, he could go to the bathroom to take a cold shower or relieve himself after the dream he just had with his friend as if he was a hormonal preteen. He opts for the second option by hiding under his blankets to cover his shame.

When he comes out of the shower he had two missed calls from Kuroo, he ignores him for a moment because now it was much more important to hide the evidence. After making his bed with clean sheets, he finally answers Kuroo on his sixth call.

"What?"

"Good afternoon Akaashi!"

"What do you want?"

"Ouchhh, I want to talk to you about my date. Are your parents home?"

"Not-"

"Good, I'll be there in about five minutes. Byeeee."

He doesn’t have time to say something when Kuroo hang up the call, he quickly cleans to receive his unexpected guest and when he was about to cook a simple egg, the doorbell rings, and rings, and rings, he walks slowly to open the door. He sees his friend's smiling face, but something else captures his attention, he begins to wrinkle his nose and follow the smell, he takes the bag from Kuroo in his hands and leaves it on the kitchen table.

"I thought we could get lunch but judging by your appearance I think we are going to have breakfast."

Kuroo takes off his shoes at the entrance and walks towards him, takes out some plates and glasses and they eat sitting in the couch in silence enjoying the food.

"Wow you’re really hungry," Kuroo says.

He doesn't answer him, he just keeps eating. When he finishes he stays with his legs stretched out on the couch, his friend was looking at him expectantly, he turns his head and drinks from his glass of water, Kuroo kept looking at him. He growls before speaking.

"Come on, tell me."

Kuroo clasps his hands together and begins to talk about his date.

"So we went to the movies, right?" Keiji nods. "Well the movie was amazing, we sat in the back and ate popcorn, well the half that we had left, I offered her to buy more but she didn't let me, that means, she cares about me or my wallet. Anyway, the movie? Oscar worthy. The action scenes? 10 out of 10, I got scared, I laughed and I even almost cried at the end. It was a perfect movie for a perfect date. And I didn't do anything inappropriate, I gave her space and at one point when we were eating popcorn our hands brushed. Akaashi we brush our hands together! Well it was for a few seconds but still. When we finished the film she told me she liked it and I told her that I liked too and she said we should come to see another one and I told her that It sounds great and she said good and I said good. "

He nodded his head every time Kuroo spoke and he couldn't help but smile with his friend's excitement.

"Then I asked her if she wanted to go get something to eat and she said no, that she wasn't hungry and I panicked because it was my plan and it was already falling apart, so I asked her if she wanted to go for something to drink, but she looked at me with an expression of "What the fuck?" And I laughed and she laughed with my laugh, so we went for a coffee, in the end she ordered a hot chocolate and we shared some baked cookies that were delicious. We talked about everything, she told me about her life, I thought she would be more shy but she spoke to me at all times and I did the same. We talked about volleyball and she congratulated me for winning ohhh yes, I saw her in the stands, she was quiet and didn’t encourage us like the others but she was there watching me and when I scored, she smiled at me. We talked about classes and about our future, she said she will attend to an university here in Tokyo so nothing could be more perfect. "

Kuroo explained moving his arms everywhere and had a smile on his face at every moment. Keiji was happy for him, at least he could have a future with her.

"We connected immediately and when we were kicked out of the cafe because it was too late, we took a walk in the park in silence but it was not one of those silences "Oh, no what can I say to her!" It was one of those comfortable silences where words were not needed. I wanted to kiss her... Don't make that face! I didn't, we said goodbye at the station and I told her that I would love to have another date with her, that we could go wherever she wanted, she said she would think about it and that she didn’t want to get my hopes up. "

What?

"When we said goodbye, I walked home with this silly smile on my face-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Did she told you she would think about it?"

"Ahh yes, but I’m confident that she will say yes."

What was she playing at? "I thought you had a good time, wait. She enjoyed it, right?"

"Yes, yes, we had a great time, she told me herself."

"So... why did she say that?"

Kuroo shrugs.

"Tell me her exact words."

Kuroo frowns and stares at the ceiling clearly remembering something. "I had a great time too, I would like to do it again, but you know, I have to think about what I told you, I don't want you to get your hopes up, but I really enjoyed our date."

What?

"I don't understand. What did you talk about?"

"Everything, dude. We talk about everything." He leans back in the couch with his arms outstretched.

"Kuroo"

"Kuroo!"

He stands up again and tilts his head slightly to the side.

"What did she say to you?"

"Ummm" he scratches behind his neck nervously. "She said that maybe uhh well, she might like someone else."

What?

"Kuroo, I'm going to ask you this just once" his friend frowns but nods at him. "She has a boyfriend?"

"What? No, of course not."

"That means... she's just playing with you, but what an idiot. I didn't realize before."

"No, well she told me a long time ago, that she was confused about her feelings for a friend, she told me by email a few months ago, she was always serious with me about that."

"I will have to go over the conversations, but this is not good at all, Kuroo. This is why she has always been so reluctant towards you and the reason why she doesn’t want to be seen in public with you."

"I don't think that's it," Kuroo eats some of his food that hasn't been finished yet.

He doesn’t understand why his friend is so happy if clearly nothing had gone well, she practically Friendzone him. He doesn't know what he can do to make him feel better or what he can do to win Jane's heart. What does the guy have that Kuroo doesn't? He tries to think of a plan to win her back, but Kuroo didn’t look troubled at all. Does he not understand the gravity of the situation?

"Kuroo, what will we do?"

"Ummm well, obviously we'll make her forget about him." He says as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"We already play with our best weapons. How do you plan to do that?"

"I will just be myself, I will be with her at all times and I will be her friend, and she is not even sure if her friend feels the same way about her."

"Does he goes to our school?"

"Who? Her friend?"

"Yes, Jon Doe."

Kuroo smiles at him, "I don't know, she didn't want to tell me anything about him."

Keiji sighs heavily. "We need to find out, we’ll have to ask her subtly, I can do it, everything will be fine."

Kuroo looks away and starts fiddling with his fingers. "Actually Akaashi..." He stares at him. "She gave me her number."

"Great, that's perfect, it will be easier and you just took another step. Give it to me, we will find a way to-"

"Akaashi I ... uhh when we were talking I thought wow I'm super nervous, I've never been so nervous before, it must be because I really really like her. But then I realized it was because I didn't want to get caught in my own lie. I didn't want her to realize that I wasn’t you... what I’m trying to say is that you were right, I have to be myself and I cannot start a relationship based on pure lies, I have to take the leap of faith... From now on I'll talk to her ummm alone."

He blinks a few times trying to understand his words. He didn't need him anymore... it should make him happy but he wasn't. He had formed a friendship with Kuroo and now that he no longer needed him, he was going to leave him. He didn't even fulfill his mission to help Kuroo with Jane and he didn't learn anything about love, well nothing that could help him at least ... Well it was nice while it lasted.

"I'm happy for you Kuroo, I'm proud of your decision."

Kuroo looks at him with a smile that reaches his eyes. "Thank you Akaashi... for everything, seriously thank you. I'll still talk to you about it, don’t think you’ll get away so easily” he says laughing. 

Keiji laughs... I hope so. "I'll look forward to it."

"Akaashi, come on. Don't be sad."

"I’m happy for you Kuroo."

Kuroo shoots him a look that reminds him a lot of Kenma. "What’s bothering you?"

He bites his lip, "I umm I really enjoyed our time together and now that you don't need me anymore there is no reason for you to talk to me, so well it doesn't matter. I just... just" he inhales and exhales before speaking. "I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"What an idiot Akaashi" Kuroo approaches him. "We’ll not stop being friends because of this, you are literally my accomplice, and as I said, you are not going to get rid of me so easily."

Kuroo approaches him and puts his arms around him, he widens his eyes in surprise not knowing what to do. He doesn't remember the last time someone hugged him. He squeezes him gently with his arms and says a little thank you, he can't trust the state of his voice, so he doesn't say anything else while they hugged. When they pulled away from the hug, he looks down, because he's sure his eyes are a bit watery right now, and he doesn't want Kuroo to feel sorry for him. After a long minute in silence, it’s Kuroo who breaks the barrier.

"So... Akaashi tell me, what made you wake up so late? Or rather, who?"

He immediately feels his cheeks go warm. "What are you talking about? I just didn't hear my alarm."

Kuroo gives him his typical sideways smile. "I figured you were talking to someone last night that’s why you didn't sleep well. Who was it?"

Ohhhhhh.

He rolls his eyes and gently elbows him. "Nobody, I was just reading. Come on, keep telling me about your date."

Kuroo without further objections tells him in detail about his day yesterday, the match, his date and how incredible Jane is. He hopes that she is truly a good girl who is worthy of the great heart of Kuroo Tetsurou. His friend definitely deserved nothing but happiness and a bit of love in his life.

In some silly way, he misses Jane, he could almost consider her a friend, when he wakes up on Mondays he had no one to write his messages to, so he suggests to Kuroo that he could keep doing it and give him some ideas on what to write. He misses checking his phone every five minutes to see if she wrote, he misses researching romantic topics, buying manga with the excuse that they were for inspiration (he was still doing it) and he misses the interactions between Kuroo and Jane. He was still mad at her, he couldn't believe that after so much work and effort she still wouldn't date Kuroo, he had a hard time trusting Jane now, he didn't want his friend to suffer. 

They had already go out two more times, once to the movies again and the last time to an arcade... Maybe he could invite Kenma to one. There weren't many changes since their first date according to Kuroo, only that while they walked through a park they held hands, that was progress. Kuroo kept his promise and didn't leave him alone... he didn't know if it was good or a bad thing. Now he was forced to go to his friend's matches, he invited Kenma to go with him once, but the blond doesn’t like volleyball at all.

He was jogging on his daily route on a Saturday morning, it was almost 10 when he was surprised to receive a call from Kenma, he didn’t know whether to be more shocked by the fact that he was calling him or because it was super early. His friend hates talking on the phone, he gets nervous according to him, and yesterday when they were at his house, Kenma's parents went to drop him off at around 1 in the morning, they insisted that he could stay the night but he didn't trust on his morning dreams that he has been having lately, he would be so ashamed if he had "his problem" there, the worst thing was looking at Kenma’s face the next day. Damn brain, he curses himself. He saw in the morning that Kenma had sent him a message almost at 3 AM so he can assume that the blond didn't sleep much last night.

"Kenma?"

"Keiji" he hears him yawn. "I just finished them all."

"What are you talking about?"

"I couldn't sleep, I needed to read them all, wait. What are you doing? Why do you sound like that?"

"Sorry, I'm jogging, I'll stop for a minute" he takes refuge from the sun under the shade of a big tree. "Which one did you read?"

"Keiji ughhh How do you have so much energy? All, I read them all."

"Umm did you like them?"

"Do you think I would be calling you on a Saturday at 8 in the morning without sleeping through the entire night for reading them if I didn't like your stories?"

"It's 9:48, and that's not right for your health. I told you that you should take your time."

"They were amazing Keiji, I can't even choose which one I liked the most. I think it’s between the one about the magic cat and the one about the Angel's murder, by the way, who did it?"

He felt that tingling in his stomach spreading through all his body. "Who did what?"

"The killer! Who did it?"

"That’s according to the reader, it’s an open ending. What do you think?"

"I think you should tell me or I won't be able to sleep" he hears him yawn again "and I really want to."

"Well, in my mind when I wrote it, it was the person who he had to protect, but it can be interpreted as-"

"I knew it! Keiji I said it first, there were small clues but I sensed it. Well keep doing whatever you were doing, I will talk to you when my brain works properly to tell you my opinion, good night."

He laughs at Kenma's words, but eagerly awaits what he has to say. "Good night, talk to me when you wake up."

He continues jogging the rest of his route with a smile on his face.

Kenma talks to him all day about his stories, which almost made him bite his pillow in excitement, he gives him a thousands of different compliments until he has to tell Kenma to please stop, he was going to explode from that feeling in his heart. Luckily they were not face to face because it would be impossible to hide.

**-Keiji you don't understand, this is more interesting than the stupid books they make you read**

**-at school**

-Thank you, Kenma.

**-No, I'm serious, you have a lot of talent**

**-You could publish them**

-Thank you, Kenma.

**-Keiji, they are just amazing, I don't know what else to tell you. I would like to read everything you write...**

He was about to call an ambulance in that moment because he was sure his heart stopped beating.

-Thank you, Kenma.

**-You are very talented Keiji, thanks for showing them to me.**

-Thank you, Kenma.

He couldn't stop the small nervous giggles coming out of his mouth and his cheeks were already hurting from smiling so much.

-If I write again, you will be the first to read it.

**-Obviously**

**-You have to write again**

**-I mean, I can feel how passionate you are about your writing, if you want, you can do it.**

-Thank you Kenma, I will. Maybe someday I can dedicate something to you.

He waits exactly 42 seconds for his response with his eyes closed, as soon as he hears the sound of the message, he opens it to see it.

**-I would love to.**

That day he sleeps with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this story so far😅  
> Kudos and comments are my fuel ❤❤
> 
> My Twitter: @ReadsVale


	11. Be selfish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!! 👀

It was the third time in a row that Kenma had no mercy on him, with a sigh and a tighter grip on the controller he restarted the race again, not even three minutes passed when he loses again. He hears Kenma's laugh and feels his hand on his back patting him gently.

"If you want, we can play another game, Mario Kart is not your thing."

His words offended him a bit, he doesn't like losing at all, but he didn’t want to show that aspect of his personality to Kenma, so he agrees, although he doesn’t know what difference it will make when choosing another game, Kenma always beat him in all video games.

After a couple of hours and multiples Game Over later directed at him, he decides to take a break for the well-being of his psyche. He watches Kenma play by himself for a while being agile at all times, when he gets bored of seeing him win, with a little of his pride damaged, he starts flip through some manga that the blond had on his room shelf.

He doesn't hear when the blond gets up from the floor and pauses the game until he feels him next to him resting his head on his shoulder to read, Keiji moves it more at the center so that Kenma can read it better. After a while in complete silence other than the sound as he turned the pages., he hears Kenma's soft voice.

"Keiji?"

"Yes?" He says without taking his eyes off what he was doing, although inside him, his mind and heart woke up with curiosity.

"What will you do after we graduate?"

"Hmmm I think the first thing I will do is to get rid of all the notebooks that are no longer of use to me."

He feels Kenma's head move on his shoulder. "That’s not what I meant and you know it."

"I still don't know Kenma, going at some University for sure, studying and then get a job."

"I think I know which college to go to, but I still need to be 100% sure."

"Why?"

The blond shrugs, "I don't know."

He could understand it, his parents kept asking him and asking him about it, until he lied to them and told them that he had gone to visit a university here in Tokyo where he was interested in studying medicine, it’s the same university of Kuroo, he only name it because it was the first thing that came to his head, plus the idea wasn't that bad. It was close to his house, he didn’t have to separate from his friend and he was 99% sure that Kenma would study here in the city, his whole life was here, it was the perfect plan... So why did he have this bitter taste in his mouth?

"Is it here in Tokyo?"

His friend nods.

Well... shit.

So much for his plan B.

Why did he ask? What an idiot, it was better to live in doubt than to face the damn reality. He doesn’t know why he feels this way, he knew that this moment would come sooner or later, also they were nothing but good friends. Thank goodness he didn’t make any romantic moves with Kenma, it would be useless now, they would end up both just in suffering, it was better this way. The letter that was stored in his computer folder would stay there for a few years, well he could actually write something in at some time... obviously if he still has feelings for him. A glance of a second convinces him that he will.

"That’s great Kenma", when he breathes he can smell Kenma’s shampoo, It smelled a little citrusy. Orange perhaps? "What are you going to study?"

"Video game development and design.”

A small laugh escapes from him. "It sounds a lot like you."

"Hmmm, how about you?"

He leaves the manga forgotten in his hands, he just has it to hold on to something. "Medicine." He feels Kenma's body tense. "Here, I still haven't decided which university to go to but-"

"And do you want to?"

"Huh?"

"Do you want to study that?"

"Ahh yes."

"You don't sound very excited about the idea."

"I just have to get used to I guess."

Kenma moves away from his shoulder and turns to look at him, his big, shiny golden eyes were analyzing him. "Keiji ... Is that what you really want?"

No, but I don't want to distance myself from you. "A little."

"You could be a writer. Have you seen universities with that career?"

"My parents wouldn’t like that idea."

Kenma shrugs. "So? You are the one who will study that, not them."

"They are the ones who will pay for it."

Kenma rolls his eyes. "That’s not true, there are other options. Don't do that."

Keiji frowns. "Do what?"

"Settle... settle for being afraid."

He bites the inside of his cheek because he has learned over time not to talk when he's angry, he doesn't want to hurt Kenma's feelings, but he simply can't comment on this, he doesn't know what it feels like. Kenma must feel his irritation because he slowly slides his hand over his. He looks away and feels Kenma's fingers squeezing his knuckles.

"You have talent Keiji, if you want and if you like it you should follow your dream, that’s the only thing that matters. Be selfish and think about yourself, this is about you. We all need to be a little selfish from time to time."

Without looking up, he responds. "I can't do that anymore, it's too late."

Kenma's fingers are caressing his hand and he can feel his intense gaze, he’s afraid to look him in the eyes and lose himself in their shine and give in to his heart. He slowly raises his head until his deep blue eyes meet Kenma's expectant eyes. He just has to jump... He slowly gets his head closer to give his friend time to repent, his heart is pounding in his ears and he wants to run his hand through his pants because he’s sure he is sweating, but he doesn’t want to remove it from Kenma's soft grip either. 

The blond tilts his head to the side and comes closer.

The bedroom door swings open, and now he was absolutely certain that he was going to vomit his own heart. Kenma removes his hand that was on top of his as if something has just burned him and grabs his phone pretending to type. Panic takes all over him because he reaches for the magazine in his hands and drops it a couple of times before covering his entire face with it to try cover the reddish color of his cheeks.

"Kenma... oh hello Keiji. I just came to tell you that I will order something for dinner, do you want anything in special?"

He nods without taking his eyes off the manga to greet her, he hears Kenma's voice saying that anything is okay.

"Well, I'll call for the food later. I'll be in the living room watching my afternoon show in case you need anything."

He makes a confirmation noise because he doesn't trust in the state of his voice, his friend replies that it is fine. He’s relieved when he hears Mrs. Kozume's footsteps against the wooden floor walking away, but after a few seconds he hears them again approaching.

"Oh and Kenma?" Out of the corner of his eye he watches as the blond looks up to see his mother. "Let's leave the door open."

What did she meant by that? He looks out just in time to see Kenma's mother walking away from the room with the door clearly open, he turns to see Kenma, but he refuses to look at him focusing his eyes on a game on his phone, he can see a deep red color decorating his cheeks.

After several minutes in which silence reigned in the room and only Kenma's quick fingers were heard against the screen of his cell phone and the soft sound of the pages turning from the manga that he was no longer paying any attention to, he himself is the first to speak without first letting out a heavy sigh and clearing his throat nervously.

"Th-There is one" he clears his throat again, "There is a university that has caught my attention, b-but I still don’t know what I will do, it’s about 6 hours from here and one of my favorite authors studied there, the Literature department is well seen in the country and has a lot of prestige, ummm I think I would like to attend there."

He has no idea if Kenma is looking at him or not because he doesn't take his eyes off the open page, nor does he know if he heard him because he doesn't say a word for a long time.

"What it’s holding you here then?"

You.

"I guess I'm just scared to go alone to a place I don't know without the help of my parents, plus uhhh I don't know how good I will be to keep our long distance relationship. Friendship! Our friendship relationship obviously."

"I think - I think I would be afraid to travel alone and not having my parents so close, but if it is for something that I really feel passionate about, I think I would do it. It’s also just a few hours trip, you could visit and If you want ummm I could visit you and you know that I’m all day with my phone, that means uhh we would talk daily, if that makes your decision any easier.”

Keiji plays with the pages of the manga and moves his feet nervously. "I'd like that, so I promise that I'll think about it Kenma."

"I'm glad. Sometimes it’s necessary to take some risks at life, otherwise you wouldn't know what awaits you."

Keiji laughs a little "Thank you Kenma."

Eventually the awkwardness between them disappears when they’re having dinner, but not to risk an awkward silence again, when they finish Keiji tells them that he has to go. Kenma walks him to the station and they don't talk about anything important. He receives a message from Kenma immediately when he sits down in the train.

He still can't get the moment they had out of his head... because clearly that was a moment, right? Based on everything he has read and the silly novels he has seen, that was an attempt of a kiss and Kenma seemed to want to respond him. Oh God...

They almost kiss.

He almost gives his first kiss.

Kenma almost kissed him.

He didn't even know how to kiss. Why did he let himself go that way? It could have turned out so embarrassing, Kenma would never have kissed him again. He feels a tickle in his stomach just thinking about it. He wants his first kiss to be with the person he likes, with whom he has daydreamed for months now, with the person who steals his sighs, with the person who doesn’t leave him alone not even in his dreams, with his friend who owns his heart... He wants to know how it feels to kiss Kenma.

"But it's one of my final grades!"

"Sorry, I will not work with you again."

"Huh? You work for me!"

He could feel how he gets closer to his face, how disgust, he didn't want to feel his spit on him.

"I don't work for you or anyone else, so be kind to move out of my way."

"Akaashi, I'll pay you double, the triple. Whatever you want! Please it's urgent, it's for tomorrow."

"No thanks."

Ahhh the desperation... it made people make stupid decisions, he had already crossed the captain of the basketball team from his list of clients, but this one had not taken it in a good way. He had him cornered near the gym locker after changing from his gym class.

"If you don't, I'll go to the principal, my father donates good money to the board and I don't think they will be happy to hear about the student who has been selling his homework for years."

"Do it," he says with a shrug. He had no proof, and his clients were loyal... or just as desperate, the final grades were coming and they asked for Keiji's services more than ever.

"That’s what I will do, come on," he drags him, holding him by the collar of his shirt, he tries to get loose of his grip but the boy was clearly stronger.

"Is everything alright here?"

The two turn and see Kuroo Tetsurou standing behind them still in the volleyball uniform.

"Yeah, just this damn idiot who doesn't want to do his job."

Kuroo looks him in the eye and moves his gaze back to the older boy. His aura looked intense and his eyes looked dangerous, he turns around for a moment, he knows that he’s not leaving him. Is he going to ask the help of a teacher perhaps? Kuroo turns around again and walks quickly towards them, taking advantage of the distraction he tries to release his grip again, but it's useless and the bastard holds him tighter.

Kuroo was in front of him with one hand gripping the boy who was much bigger than both of them, he highly doubts that Kuroo could win against him and also he didn't want to get him into trouble.

"Kuroo I'm fine, just go."

But his friend doesn't listen to him and extends his other arm and manages to make the boy release his strong grip, making him losing his balance and falling to the floor in the process.

"B-but what the fuck Kuroo?"

The older one gives Kuroo a push, he steps back but doesn't fall, when the other pushes him again, his friend is faster and with his hands he separates the grip and manages to push him further. He hears the sound of sneakers running towards them. It was the entire volleyball team. He stands up and leans against the wall away from what he thinks will be a big fight.

"Do you have a problem with our captain?" He recognized him, he was a friend of Kuroo, he didn't like him at all, but after this moment he would be his best friend.

The rest of the team approaches with an intimidating presence.

"No, he just got in my way."

Kuroo approaches him again with a smirk on his face.

"Now it’s free, please get out of my sight" with his hand, he points to the exit door. "And I don't want to see you bothering my friend here again, understood?"

The boy moves his head around him, debating whether he can win this fight or not, he's clearly in a huge disadvantage so, he has no choice but to walk away without first shooting him a murderous look and cursing loudly.

Kuroo slightly turns his head to look at him and gives him a soft smirk, he moves his arm carelessly as the hallway begins to clear, the rest of the team walks back to the gym chatting menacingly as if nothing had happened.

"You okay?" Kuroo puts a hand on his shoulder.

"Yes umm thank you for your intervention and please thank the rest of the team on my behalf."

"It’s nothing, we have resisted worse."

Keiji smiles at him. "Still, thank you."

"With the championship around the corner, we need to blow off some steam, it would have been fun."

He raises an eyebrow wondering if he's serious or not. "Ahh thanks, the final grades have them like savages."

"I bet, thank goodness I have everything ready. Shall I walk you?"

"I'm just going to my locker, it's not necessary."

Kuroo waves his hand in front of him with a carefree gesture. "I'll hide from practice for a while. Come on!"

The two walk through the empty school, they must all be in class by now, there were pamphlets everywhere saying goodbye to the seniors next to all the activities to come, he saw a couples of flyers stating not forget to support the volleyball team. It was necessary to sign up to travel to support the team an go to another prefecture, for his bad luck, the list was already full and he couldn’t go. He offered Kuroo to pay his own train ticket and go see him, but he declined saying that he would make him feel more nervous having friends there.

"I'm going out with Jane today."

"I know, you've already told me, where are you going?"

"To my house." He says with his usual smirk.

He already knew what that meant among teenagers. "I'm happy for you Kuroo, finally."

"Yeah, I mean, we haven't even kissed yet, so I'm not expecting anything, well maybe finally being able to kiss her."

"Good luck with that."

"I have to do it before the game, that will give me luck."

"Let me know, please don't feel bad if she doesn't return your feelings, after all your game it’s on Monday, you won't have time to compose yourself."

"That's why I need to stay positive Akaashi. I don't need your negativity!" He moves his arms as if he’s actually pushing something away.

"You look more nervous about that than about taking our school to the championship."

"Ughh believe me I am, the distraction works for me anyway, the worst thing is that I will be incommunicado for almost three days, well if we advance to the final."

"You will," he says with a smile to reassure him.

"Akashi!"

Oh no.

"Akashi!!!"

The two turn around and they see Sadashi approaching them, waving his long blonde hair.

"I hardly even seen you this days Akaashi."

"What do you need?"

He feels Kuroo elbow him softly in the ribs.

"Ahh I just came to say hello, I sneak out of class, I’m so bored. How have you been Kuroo? The match is getting close, I would like to go but eww I don't like traveling by bus."

"Good, everything is fine. You don't need to go, and how have you been?"

"Very well thank you, I'm almost done with the final exams, I'm fed up already, but just a little more and I'm free. I'm moving to be an actress, my agent says I'm very talented."

"I believe that” he says in a serious voice, he feels Kuroo's elbow again.

"I'm happy for you, I really hope it works out for you." Kuroo says in a friendly tone.

"Actually, this Friday I will throw a party to celebrate that yaay we are finally almost done. Would you like to go?"

"Who's going?" Kuroo asks.

"You know, everyone," she replies with a laugh.

"Thanks for the invitation but-"

"In that case we’ll see you on Friday, right Akaashi?"

Kuroo was looking at him with a strange expression on his face, like he wanted to go to the bathroom.

"In fact I-"

"Like I said, we’ll see you there. Thanks for the invitation."

"You’re welcome, I would love to see you there. Akaashi find me when you arrive." The girl turns around, moving her hair almost in their faces.

"I won't go to that shit, not after last time."

"Akaashi you need to relax a little, we will have a great time. Okay, last time I admit it was my fault, but it will not happen again, I promise you."

I couldn't trust him again, I still feel the pain in my legs from running for hours from the police... well Kuroo and some members of his team thought it would be a good idea to borrow some gnomes from the garden of the house next to the party, when they were halfway there and saw a police patrol, they had no choice but to run. He hadn't even done anything and he was sure the police weren't looking for them, but he still ran with them until he ran out of air in his lungs.

"I'll think about it."

"Akaashi..."

"I told you I'll think about it."

"We both know what that means, at least try to hide it a little bit."

He rolls his eyes, "I'll deeply think about it."

"I’ll settle for that, it would be good be able to relax a little, right? We will have a great time, I promise!"

He rolls his eyes again, "If you say so."

"Well, I have to go back, please don't get into trouble and think about the party thing, Okay?"

"I'll try, thanks again for your help."

Kuroo walks away waving his hand and with a smile on his face. He puts his things in his locker thinking that there is no way he would agree to go to that party, especially if it’s an invitation from Sadashi, he just can’t stand her anymore. Sorry Kuroo. He closes his locker and walks to his classroom, hopefully the teacher will let him in with a lie saying that he felt sick and he was in the infirmary. Excuses, excuses... he has to make up with a good excuse to tell Kuroo that he will not go to that party, suddenly an idea comes to his mind.

He could ask Kenma to come with him... No, he would never accept, he hates crowds and wouldn’t have a good time in that environment, but Kuroo was right, it works for practice for college, maybe he could convince him to go with him. They would have a good time between the two of them, they would surely hide from the others and they would be together most of the time. He could even confess to Kenma...

  
  


His grades are better than great, he had a few exams left but he was already prepared for these. With his good grades would be enough to apply for a full scholarship at the university, he had already sent the application and was waiting for an answer, this was the final decision. If they give him the scholarship, he wouldn't have to pay every month, only the tuition every year, the scholarship covers all the expenses, and living on campus... an idea that he doesn't like at all but has come with terms with it, he wouldn’t have to spend a lot of money, he only needed food, some textbooks and all the basic and necessary things, with all the money he had saved, without a doubt it was more than enough. And if he runs out of money, there is always the option of working... in a real job, not with his shady business.

If they give him the full scholarship then there would be no more impediments, he would study Literature.

Obviously, he would tell his parents the day before he has to leave and he would take all the things that could be useful with him. Perhaps he can leave them a letter at the counter explaining his decision.

If they doesn’t give him the scholarship, well then he would have to study medicine in the comfort of his home, near Kenma, visiting him constantly, he could even share some classes with Kuroo and with the amount of two friends, it was more than enough, he no longer needed more, even better if his friendship with Kenma becomes something else. His parents would be proud of him and with a little effort he would graduate of Med School. Maybe he could be a pediatrician... What he's talking about? if he hates children. Plastic Surgeon? He knows that they earn a lot of money. He could combine his passion and his studies and write a book about health, well he could still be a writer, until now he had never studied anything related to it and he has the talent.

Both options were fine, more than fine... Clearly he wasn’t leaning towards either, whatever would happen, it would be great...

So he had been refreshing his email all day in case he had a new message.

He was having lunch with Kenma in their secret place, the two were glued to their respective phones. Kenma didn’t seem to be playing, apparently he was talking to someone, he had a smile on his face every time he typed, in fact he had been happy all day, and yesterday too, he noticed it in the morning, during his class and at lunch, even when they said goodbye at the station. He was with that same silly smile on his face, just as right now, perhaps he had received news about the college he applied to, they haven’t replied to him yet, but he didn't look too worried about that.

"Kenma?"

"..."

"Kenma?"

"..."

"Kenmaaa?"

He comes a little closer to him slowly to see what he was doing but the blond must have felt him so he puts his phone in his pocket.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll eat all the vegetables."

His friend is just starting to open his bento.

"Have you received news from the college?"

"Not yet."

Huh...

"Ohhh"

"Look! I forgot to tell you. My mom sends you some onigiri." Kenma extends his arm to give him a little box.

"Kenma! Why didn't you tell me earlier? I'm already finishing my lunch."

His friend rolls his eyes. "Please, as if a little bit of food would stop you. Take more if you want."

Already with half of one in his mouth, he replies to him. "You have to eat them too." He still takes two more.

After a while of eating silently and without the interruption from their phones, Keiji tells him how delicious they were.

"Thanks, I helped her make them."

"Really?"

"Yup, I wanted to learn, so you're eating my first batch."

He looks at the one in his hand, now that he pays attention enough, it was a little deformed. But he couldn't help but feel happy, these were probably the best he had ever tried. "No wonder they are more delicious than ever."

Kenma lowers his head, but he can see a glimpse of his cheeks flushed of a beautiful pink. "Hmmm" is the only thing he says.

"Hey Kenma?"

"Hmmm"

"Oh no, nothing." He regrets at the last second, tomorrow is Friday and he was running out of time.

"Tell me." He lifts his head and gives him an intense look. Keiji was weak, very weak.

"Ummm tomorrow... tomorrow there will be a party, and well I didn't know if I wanted to go or not because I don’t like them, but you know uhh it could be to know what to expect at college... well I was wondering if you want to go?"

His friend looks at him with a serious expression, one of his eyebrows arched and his lips pursed.

"If you don't want to it's okay, I didn't want to go anyway, we can still have a better time between the two, I mean uhhh no umm, there is no need to go."

He’s still looking at him with the same expression. "Sadashi's party?"

"Yes," he rubs the back of his neck "She invited you?"

"No."

"Ahhh"

"But everyone was talking about it in the classroom."

"Ohhh yeah, she invited me the other day."

"Then go, it doesn't bother me, we can hang out together on Saturday or another day."

He frowns, Kenma looks upset. "No, what I meant- I want us to go together."

Kenma looks at him for a moment and then sighs. "I don't know, I have never been to a party before and a lot of people is going and the whole school will be there and it’s going to be alcohol and there will surely be a lot of noise and I don't know if I will feel comfortable."

"You don't have to go if you don't want to, I'm not going to pressure you, it's not a big deal anyway, when I went once I was also scared but it wasn't that bad. We'll have fun and if you want to go then we’ll go, just for a while to see how those things are... "

Kenma looks thoughtful, he plays with his food for a little while. "Okay, b-but promise me you won't just leave me there."

"Obviously I will not leave you alone Kenma, I will be with you at all times." Being able to be near Kenma made him feel even better.

"What if Sadashi goes looking for you?" The blond was still playing with the food on his lap. "I heard her say that she had invited you but I assumed you had said no."

"Umm, I wanted to, but I thought it would be nice if you went with me. And I won't leave you alone, especially if it's for her."

Kenma bites his lip. "Okay."

Keiji smiles at him. "I promise we will have a great time, I could go to your house tomorrow, so we can walk together to her house, it's close."

Kenma raises his head quickly at him. "Do you know where she lives?"

"Ehh yes, I think she mentioned it to me once and I made sure to ask a friend for her address but I have never been to her house or anything."

Kenma frowns. "Fine, we can walk to her house."

"If you don't want to, it's fine or if you regret it at any time, it will be easy to escape and go to your house."

"Okay," he says softly.

"I have a feeling we will have a good time, Kenma." Perhaps with a different and a more relaxed environment, he can finally confess.

"I hope so."

Hopefully that’s the case, if everything goes well they could take a new step in their relationship... Who knows? It may be a night to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhhhh I'm so excited for the next chapter 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀  
> I love Akaashi being secretly mad at Kenma because is loosing at Mario Kart 😂 and as I was editing this, now I really regret that their kiss was interrupted....
> 
> My Twitter: @ReadsVale 
> 
> Kudos and comments are my fuel ❤❤


	12. The party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

He was getting a little nervous, his parents are still here and it was almost seven in the afternoon, just in a couple of hours he has to go to Kenma's house and then spend some time together to go to the party later. With his parents here they would ruin his night, he doesn't know how, but he’s sure they would do it. He bathes and brushes his teeth, he combs his hair and dresses in normal clothes... Ughh his parents are still at home. He goes down the stairs slowly, the suitcases were still at the entrance, his father was typing something on his laptop and his mother was talking on the phone well, she actually was yelling at someone on the phone. He approaches his father and sits in the sofa next to him, he has more possibilities to extract information from him. He tries to think of a subtle way to ask them when the hell are they going to leave.

"I’m going to make dinner, shall I do it for three?"

  
  


"..."

  
  


"Father?"

  
  


"..."

  
  


"Father?"

  
  


"It’s not necessary, we are just waiting for the taxi."

His mother answers him standing in front of the mirror while fixing her hair, stil with the cell phone on her ear.

He gets up and starts preparing a quick-cooking food, but he does it at the speed of a snail. His father kept typing and his mother kept talking on the phone, he puts his hands to work to eat something, maybe he could cook Kenma something, as he did yesterday, an apple pie would definitely calm his friend's nerves. He’s looking for some recipes on his phone but they all look very difficult and they all take time... and apples which he didn't have at the moment. He makes a mental note to prepare it another day, he can almost picture Kenma's smile when receiving it, although he’s not very good at cooking sweet things, but it might turn out well, he is a good cook when he's following the recipe to the letter.

He hears his father close his laptop to then put it away.

Finally.

"I'm going to go take a quick shower."

Ughhhhh.

He eats sitting at the kitchen while checking his phone, his mother is still talking on the phone but this time she’s on the laptop too. He would go to his room, but his parents don't like it when he eats there. He sends a message to Kenma that there may be a 55% chance that he will arrive to his home a little late, he responds with a short "Ok". He has some unanswered messages from Sadashi and other clients, he knew he had to have a strict number for work. He has a message from Kuroo that he hasn't seen either, it’s just an emoji so he doesn’t bother to answer him, Kuroo had taught him that if you are not going to reply with another emoji, then you should not reply at all.

He is interrupted by , the characteristic the buzzing of his cell phone and the name of Kuroo in large letters on the screen of his phone. He declines the call immediately and writes him in the chat.

**-What?**

He can notice that he saw the message, but his friend calls him again, he declines the call again.

**-I'm eating.**

He calls him again... how annoying.

**-Kuroo, just tell me.**

-Akaashi don't hide :( You told me you would go

**-I'll go.**

-Really??? I was thinking in annoying you from now to convince you. Do you want me to pick you up?

**-No thanks, it's not necessary.**

-Akaashiiii if you are lying to me and you are not going I will never speak to you again

**-I said I’d go and you would be talking to me after five minutes, twenty minutes maximum.**

-Well then I will never tell you what happened between Jane and me the other day ;) By the way thanks for asking

He had completely forgotten about it, he didn't even ask how his date went, he was too concern thinking about how to invite Kenma to the party and reviewing his university options, although Kuroo didn't mention anything to him either… It must not have turn out very well, because if that’s the case, Kuroo would have appeared that same night at his house to telling him everything.

**-Sorry, I've been busy with the final grades and looking for university options. What happened?**

-Don't worry, in fact I forgot it too, practices are leaving me lifeless... and I said that I won't tell you, at least until I see you at the party ... I'll tell you there ;)

**-Okay, but is it a good or bad thing?**

-Gooooood ;)

**-Well, with that my curiosity was already satisfied, please don’t give me the details. See you at the party.**

-See YooOU :DDDDDDDDDD

  
  


When he finishes eating he cleans his mess, goes up to his bathroom to brush his teeth and suddenly he hears the door of his house. He runs down the stairs still with the toothbrush in his mouth. The taxi driver was carrying his parents' suitcases to the car, he approaches the door to say goodbye to his parents.

"When will you be back?"

"Maybe next Thursday, we'll let you know."

"Okay, have a good flight."

"Thank you son, we left money for you to pay the electric bill and obviously a little extra for you."

"Thank you."

“Goodbye, Keiji.”

He says goodbye to his parents waving his hand, he waits for the car to go and when it’s no longer in sight he runs to his room to change his outfit that he had prepared since yesterday.

He combed his hair and put cologne on his wrists, chest and neck. Satisfied with his look, he sends a message to Kenma telling him that he won’t be late after all.

  
  
  


"You look good."

"Thank you Kenma" he’s glad to hear it, he was struggling with his entire closet just to choose dark jeans and a black sweater, his fashion sense was not the best.

"You too..." he says in a questioning tone to Kenma.

He was dressed as always when he came to his house, with an extra large hoodie and he was wearing sweatpants, his hair was still wet and he hasn’t comb it yet, but he had no idea if that was his outfit for the party or not.

Kenma laughs and continues playing, he sits next to him for a while, until the blond gives him a controller. He says that playing would calm his nerves so that’s what they did, he thought that with a distracted Kenma he would finally be able to beat him, but he was wrong. He was completely sure that it was all a scheme to make him believe that he could beat him.

When it was almost time and the two of them were comfortably lying on the bed playing while eating potato chips, Kenma gets up to get ready almost growling as he walks. He goes to the bathroom and comes out of it with tighter jeans and a hoodie just as big but of a burgundy color, he sat next to him while brushing his hair. 

How wrong will it sound if he asks him to brush his hair? 

From what he can see his hair detangles easily, and with each brush an exquisite scent emanated from him, it was definitely an orange scent. They say goodbye to Kenma’s parents saying that they won't arrive too late, it was after ten when they leave Kenma's house, he had received a rather threatening message from Kuroo saying that he was already there.

  
  


The night was warm, both weren’t wearing a jacket, Kenma was walking slowly with his hands in his pockets and he was a little ahead to guide the way, it wasn’t that far, but at this rate they will arrive in about twenty more minutes.

"If you feel uncomfortable in any way just say the word and we are leaving." He can notice Kenma's nervousness.

"Okay but, umm, you don't need to leave with me, I don't want you to not enjoy the party."

"Kenma, there's no point in me being there without you."

"Okay."

The two continue walking under the bright moon of Tokyo, despite the hour there were still quite a few people on the streets, the stores were still open and the whole city shone with its strong and colorful lights. Sadashi's house was only a few blocks away, they walk in absolute silence, only their feet resonated on the floor plus all the noise of the city, in the end he followed Kenma's rhythm and both were walking slowly.

"Are you cold?"

Kenma shakes his head, he was walking with his hands in his pockets with a serious expression on his face while biting his bottom lip, they were getting closer to the party. 

Suddenly, Kenma changes his expression completely and stops the movement of his feet, Keiji stops too and turns around to look at him.

"Do you smell that?"

"What? Hmm no, I don't think so. What are you smelling exactly?”

"Apple pie."

Keiji smiles immediately, if Kenma was smelling it, it was because surely there was one nearby, his friend had some kind of a sixth sense.

In a corner there was a small bakery that was already closing, when they enter he can definitely smell and see the apple pie from the showcase. Kenma looks at him expectantly and he buys two pieces to go. He could see Sadashi's house from here, there were some students he recognized from school outside of it, he could hear the slight bustle of the music and there were several cars parked outside of the huge house.

They walk a little further in the opposite direction where he saw a bench as they passed and they sit there together to eat their piece of apple pie. Kenma looked a little happier savoring the delicious sweet.

"It’s not one of the best I have tried, but it’s apple pie" the blond says, finishing his piece.

"I thought you liked it judging by how fast you ate it." He says with a smile.

  
  


"Maybe it's the nerves. Well, it’s basically my favorite food, actually. Do you want to know a fun fact about me?"

"All right."

“I would rather eat apple pie than a birthday cake.”

“I know Kenma, I was there eating your no birthday cake, although that one was truly delicious and it looked a lot like a birthday cake.”

"Yeah, my parents had bought it since five or six years in the same place and when-"

He listens to Kenma's voice but doesn't process the words. "I would rather eat apple pie than birthday cake." Huh, he was sure he had told him that before, he always tries to remember what Kenma says about himself, but he had heard the phrase before. No, he had seen it. He even remembers the context, he was talking about silly fun facts about him, right? 

He doesn't know why this feeling bothers him so much, he was just confused, he had mixed in his brain his memories of Kenma and Jane Doe... of Kenma and Kuroo’s secret girl... of Kenma and Applepi.

  
  


SHIT.

SHIT.

SHIT.

SHIT.

He drops on the floor the piece of apple pie he had in his hand and hears Kenma say something. He stands abruptly, no, no, no? No, it couldn't be, it was impossible... but it could? There’s no way, his mind was panicking, it was just a dumb idea, he knows it, but the more he thought about it, the more sense it made. He tries to remember certain things about Jane, something, anything, but nothing comes to his head. His mind was blank and at the same time it was full of thoughts, he needed to sit down, Why did he stand in the first place? His hands were sweating and he urgently needed to drink something. He hears Kenma's voice again, further and further.

"Keiji...?"

"Keiji?"

"Keiji!"

His legs didn’t obey him, he only heard him shouting, his name, he was calling him but he couldn’t turn around, he has to make sure, he can’t see his face without first being completely sure. He runs to the station.

He was sitting clutching the keys to his house on his hand and he had turn off his cell phone. The sound wasn’t letting him think properly, Kenma had been calling him but he couldn’t think about it right now. He throws his head back in his seat and tries to breathe, his throat ached and his chest was contracted, he just wanted to go out of the train and breathe a little, get home and look for Jane Doe’s email, he had closed his account a while ago on his phone, but he was sure he still had it open on his laptop. He just had to see that it wasn’t Kenma.

He runs to his house, his legs were moving without his permission, his head ached and tears were threatening to come out. Why would he cry? He stumbles on the stairs on his way to his room, he drags his legs until he finally reaches it, he opens his laptop without the slightest care and reads Kuroo's old conversations. He doesn't understand anything, he has to blink several times, he was just seeing letters... He needs to calm down. His hands were shaking a little when he poured himself a glass of water, he drinks it at once and poured himself another. 

It just wasn't possible, he was just being an idiot, an idiot who abandoned Kenma before going to the party. After doing a short breathing exercise, he sits down in his desk chair and checks some emails. Nothing out of the ordinary, he keeps reading until he goes down a few months, he saw nothing that would confirm that it was actually Kenma.

Kuroo talking about his family, Kuroo mentioning a movie he saw, something about an astronaut joke, Kuroo talking about his volleyball practice. Volleyball! Kenma used to play volleyball, Jane Doe played volleyball... What an idiot, his friend had told him about his time on the team. He scrolls down to some conversations, "He" he had read, Kuroo called him "He" but it could be just a typo. Their stories were alike but that didn't mean anything, it was not possible, there were hundreds of female students at his school.

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

Blonde hair, short, shy, golden eyes.

Fucking Kuroo Tetsurou.

No, he still didn't believe it, there was no way, Kenma had never told him about Kuroo and Kuroo was behaving like a fucking psycho with Jane, he would have seen him with Kenma before... Unless he already knew. No, no... he was wrong, he couldn't handle the situation, he was confused and he needed more information, his silly brain was just confusing him more and more and creating silly theories. But a lot of the information fits, Kuroo's secrecy is one of the main ones. He didn't want him to know that he liked a man? Does Kuroo likes men? His head was starting to hurt, he just wanted to review every message quickly and make sure that Kuroo has not been flirting with Kenma all this time with his help.

He was surrounded by notebooks, his board and several pens, plus his laptop on his lap. There was a 72% chance that Jane Doe was actually Kenma. He was reading an old conversation of Kuroo, him and Jane, he tries to remember some things that the letters said, Kuroo always covered the name and some words, the pronouns maybe?

Okay, 74% of chance. He felt like an idiot, but he didn't know why. Because suspecting this ridiculous theory or because not realizing it sooner. He looks at the ceiling for a few seconds and sighs before turning on his cell phone, only someone could confirm this.

He dials Kuroo's number immediately. He was at the call number 16 when he gives up, he sees Kenma's chat with a number above it, 43 messages. He didn't want to worry him more but honestly, what was he gonna say? After battling with himself, he writes him a message saying that he had a family emergency, everything is fine, I'm sorry for not saying anything and leaving like that, it was the shock apparently. Kenma answers him immediately.

**-KEIJI WHAT THE FUCK!!! YOU LEFT ME ALONE YOU JUST LEF**

**-YOU KAY?**

**-WHRE R YOU?**

**-It has to do with your parnts? are the okay?**

**-Do you want me to go see you?**

Yes.

-Kenma I'm so sorry, everything is fine I promise you, it was just the scare. I'm at home, but it would be the best if we talk tomorrow. Are you home?

**-Keiji shit, I got scared, I followed you but you ran very fast, I called you. Are you sure you don't want me to go?**

No.

-Yes Kenma, I'm fine, sorry for scaring you. Are you in your house, right?

**-Yes, I just arrived, don't apologize, it’s alright.**

He looks at the clock, it was almost two in the morning... Where was he? He doesn't want to ask him because he is afraid of the answer.

-Then we’ll talk tomorrow, I'm so sorry again.

**-Don't worry, yes, we’ll talk tomorrow.**

He sends Kuroo a few messages. But he doesn’t respond.

He continues his research and eventually reads the entire conversation between Kuroo and Kenma, because now there was no doubt, he was 99% sure that Kenma was the person he has been talking to all this time, he knew it from his way of writing and answering, his sarcastic sense of humor, his curt responses, his personality, his description, his favorite things, the things he hated. The worst part was that he was actually learning things from him that he didn't know. How ironic is that?

He was lying on his bed evaluating the last choices of his life and cursing at any God that exists up there for playing with him like that. It could be a kind of punishment, he was aware of what he was doing was wrong and yet he kept doing it. Could his own ambition be the one to blame? It was four o'clock in the morning and he still couldn't sleep, he can't stop thinking about his last conversation he had with Kuroo, the one it's stuck in his head.

What did Kuroo was going to say about Jane / Kenma at the party? That they had kissed? That they had done much more than that? That they had sex? That they were dating now?

His heart seemed to have already given up, he barely felt his heartbeat. Can a person die from a broken heart? Is murder for a broken heart justifiable? He was afraid to look it up online and that someday he will be accused of murdering Kuroo. He falls asleep with those darks thoughts in his head, that must be the reason why he has a nightmare.

  
  


He wakes up to the sound of his doorbell, he growls and turns to ignore the annoying sound, but it didn't stop. He sits on his bed and immediately touches his head, it hurt like hell, he stretches out his legs and some notebooks fall to the floor. Ohhh right. He covers himself again with his blankets and hides under them, but the bell rings again. He goes down the stairs angrily, demonstrating his fury on each step. As he peeks out the door, he sees Kuroo Tetsurou standing there. That bastard... How dare he? He slammed the door open for him and his friend stood in front of him with a smirk on his face and some paper bag that smelled a lot like food.

"You are a fucking traitor, did you know that Akaashi?"

Really?

"You told me you were going, I called you all night and you didn't even answer and when I wake up I see a series of messages from you. Let's see, what’s your excuse?" He talks to him as he walks and leaves the bags in the kitchen to carefully remove their contents along with some plates.

He doesn’t know what to say, he is furious with him but at the same time he cannot be furious with him. There's still a 1% chance that it's not Kenma, however slight as it is, he still has to have hope. He just has to ask his friend.

"So Akaashi. Do you have something to tell me?"

"I had a family emergency, I was about to arrive at the party when I found out, I'm sorry Kuroo I didn't mean to stood you up, as soon as I realized I started to calling you. But don't worry, everything is fine."

Kuroo looks at him for a few moments before laughing. "At least tell me something credible Akaashi."

He looks at him with a serious expression. "That's the truth."

Kuroo laughs again with his nasty hyena laugh and approaches him but suddenly stops. "Shit Akaashi, are you serious?" He nods at him. "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know I thought ... I thought Shit, is everything alright?"

"Yes Kuroo, umm an uncle had an accident but he's fine, it was just the scare." He didn't feel any guilt for almost killing his imaginary uncle in his fantasy.

"Sorry Akaashi, good thing that he's better now. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm going to change for something more comfortable and wash my face, serve the food in case you're hungry. I'll be back soon."

No wonder Kuroo had believed his story, he looks like shit. He had big heavy circles marked under his eyes, his hair was a mess and he was still wearing yesterday's clothes. He wet his face and hair a little, brushes his teeth and makes another brief breathing exercise in front of the mirror. As he enters his room he takes off the clothes he was wearing and puts on something that reflects more his feelings, black wide pants and a loose black shirt. Dark as his heart right now... he had definitely seen too many soap operas. Before going down, he sends a message to Kenma saying that everything is fine, it was after one o'clock and Kenma responds immediately. Did he stayed awake for me? He doubts it.

When he goes downstairs he sees Kuroo sitting in the sofa with the tv on and the news in the background, the food dishes were in front of him, he was with his cell phone, possibly texting someone, is he talking to Kenma?

He sits next to him and eats a little, he didn't have much of an appetite but he needed something in his stomach, his friend is next to him eating in silence, from time to time he felt his gaze on him, perhaps he was making sure that he’s really fine as he claims. His mind is screaming at him, his fingers are trembling and he’s suddenly afraid, afraid to confirm his doubts. He waits for Kuroo to finish his meal, drinks a glass of water and clears his throat before speaking.

"What happened between you and Jane?"

"Huh?"

"What happened between you and Jane?"

"Ohhh Akaashi hmmm I don't want to talk about me, clearly you don’t feel good and I can accompany you if you want to-"

"Please, it will distract me. Tell me... please."

Kuroo looks at him with a worried expression, he puts his plate and chopsticks on the table in front of him.

"Hmmm well we were at the party and we started talking, we-"

"At last night party?" Kuroo nods. Shit... "I was talking about the other day, about what you were supposed to tell me last night."

"Ohhh well nothing happened, we talked about our future, about leaving school, about hopefully winning the volleyball championship, ohhh and we saw a funny movie about a man who -"

"Did you kissed?"

Kuroo’s eyes widens, his cheeks immediately turning pink. "Ha ha yes, a little."

Ohhh

"What else?"

"Hmmm well, after we talked about what we will do in the summer and we order food-"

"Kuroo" he interrupts him again. "Did you do more than kissing?"

Kuroo looks at him with a smirk and wiggles his eyebrows. "Akaashi... I'm a gentleman, I won't tell you about the dirty details."

His heart stops, it’s happening he says to himself, damn life. Is it normal to feel this pain in the chest? Will there be a cure? If he had confessed to Kenma earlier, would he have accepted him?

He hears Kuroo's laugh, his unpleasant laugh. "I was just kidding, we didn't do anything else, I'm a gentleman after all, maybe when she agrees to be my girlfriend in case you're so interested."

He gulps "Your girlfriend?"

Kuroo looks at him happily. "Yup, I'll ask her after the game."

Keiji laughs, he lets out his emotions through laughter, and surely he sounds like a damn maniac because Kuroo was looking at him even more concerned.

"Akaashi, are you okay?"

He tries to catch his breath and sighs a few times, a small laughs escape him. "Your girlfriend Kuroo?"

He was still looking at him with the same worried expression and had a hand resting on his shoulder.

"I know who Jane is."

His friend's face doesn't change at all, he just gets closer to him. He was about to say something judging by how he opened his mouth. Keiji stares into his eyes.

"Is a man."

Finally a little of reaction, Kuroo's smile breaks in seconds, his eyes opens in surprise as well as his mouth, he can feel his body becomes stiff and in just a second a smile appears on his face, a forced smile.

"W-what? Akaashi, what are you talking about?"

He wishes be able to believe his little act. He wish it was true that he doesn't like Kenma and that it's actually another girl, he no longer cared if she had a boyfriend or not or even if she was a teacher. He wishes he hadn't accepted the stupid deal.

"Kozume Kenma."

Kuroo's expression changes again but this time it wasn't concern at being caught. Was he... sad? Hurt? He watches him turn and clench his fists. Is he going to punch him? Well Kenma would never forgive him if he does. He looks down at the ground for a few moments and was about to tell him everything... until he hears a cry.

He was crying hard, he could hear his whimpers and he had his hands on his face, he had never heard someone cry like that. When he cried, he did it in silence. He doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know how to comfort him, it was not his intention to make him cry. He gets up from the sofa and goes quickly for a glass of water to his kitchen, he extends it to Kuroo but he doesn't stop crying. 

Shit, now he was sad, he didn't like seeing his friend like this, he didn't thought he would get like this, he kneels down next to him and takes his hand from his face, his eyes were red, bright and full of tears... Well, now he was crying too. He hugs him and immediately feels Kuroo's strong grip as he cries on his shoulder, he runs his hand behind his back to calm him down as small tears come out of his eyes. He feels how he rubs his face in his shirt, but he doesn't care, he continues caressing it until slowly he calms down.

"Shhh" he said without ending the hug, Kuroo was still clutching him with his arms, but he has to admit that it was comforting.

"I’m s- sorry Akaashi.”

"Shhh it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter."

They spend a little more time hugging each other in his couch, both with a heavy weight in their hearts and tears running down their faces. When Kuroo pulls away, Keiji quickly moves to hand him the glass of water, he drinks it quickly.

"Do you want more?" Kuroo looks at him and nods.

He runs to the kitchen for more water. The two of them were sitting on the couch next to each other, bumping shoulders without saying anything to each other. The guilt was eating him alive, first he plays with Kenma's feelings and now with Kuroo's. Maybe he didn't deserve to have any friends.

"Akaashi?"

He raises his head to look at him.

"I didn't mean to. Ummm sorry for hiding uhhh ... sorry."

"Kuroo is fine, please, you don't owe me any explanations."

Kuroo shakes his head. "I- I think I like men. No, I don't think so, I'm sure."

He sighs before speaking. "Kuroo as I told you, you don't have to explain anything to me, I understand you... sorry, I shouldn't corner you with my words."

"It's okay.". He starts fiddling with his fingers for a while until he stops and takes his jacket.

"Where are you going?"

"I- I'm sorry Akaashi, I don't want to bother you. Ummm it's okay if you hate me and don't-"

"What are you talking about idiot? I don't hate you and you don't bother me, I ... you are my friend Kuroo, I would never judge you for something like that, no one actually. If you like men, that's fine, now please sit down, I don’t want you to feel this way. "

Kuroo approaches and sits next to him without looking at his face. He didn't know how to deal with his own feelings. How was he going to help someone else?

"You don't hate me?"

Keiji looks at him with a smile. "Of course not, Kuroo you are my friend and that doesn't matter to me, it doesn't have to. I don't want you to feel like you should hide something from me. Whoever you decide to go out with won't interfere with our friendship." 

Well, except for Kenma.

"Akaashi ..." He sees how his lips form a smile. "Thank you," he embraces him again.

"You don't have to thank me for anything Kuroo. Uhh if you don't mind my question umm, who else knows?"

Kuroo pulls away and wipes the remaining tears with his sleeve, he gives him a tissue that was on the table. "Just you and Kenma."

Kenma...

His name sounds so wrong coming out of his mouth.

"Ahhh"

"I still don't tell my parents, I don't know how they would react and I hide it from you because, well, not everyone agrees with that subject."

"I understand it, uhh thanks for sharing it with me, I didn't want to force you to say it or anything, that was not my intention at all."

"Don't worry Akaashi, I'm sorry for behaving like a crybaby just now."

Keiji laughs "It's nothing. I imagine you must be relieved."

"Yes," he says with a snort of laughter. "You really have no idea, Akaashi you... you are a good friend, thanks."

No, he was a horrible friend.

"You don't have to thank me."

Kuroo tells him a bit of his story, he is really honest with him. He tells him how he realized it, the fear he had of not being like the others, how at first he tried to hide it by dating girls, how he was attracted to Kenma, what his parents will do to him if they find out, how much he hated himself at first, how he came to accept himself, and so they spend hours talking. He greatly appreciates the trust Kuroo has in him, he wishes he could be able to do the same and tell him his own secret, but apparently he is not that brave.

Soon the crying is forgotten and turns into laughter, they are sitting on their bed eating pizza and talking about life when his board on the floor captures his attention, they still have something to talk about, something to ask him, something he doesn’t want to know the answer, something he wants to bury deep in his heart to never come to light again. He wishes he didn't have to.

"Kuroo."

He raises his head and looks at him carefully.

"I was mad at you when I found out, not for the reason that you like a man, that doesn't really matter to me, but when I found out about Jane Doe's true identity I couldn't help but be angry. Ummm Ke- Kozume he ... No, well, I don't want to doubt of your intentions, but I have to ask you something. "

"Did you know that I knew Kenma?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah so Akaashi never made it to the party haha
> 
> I wanted Akaashi to figure out about Jane Doe true identity with just a simple and silly detail because after all, Kenma's behavior, Kuroo's information, and all the details of the story were always a bit fishy for him. And there was always that doubt buried at the back of his mind.
> 
> I love Akaashi and Kuroo friendship so much... I'm going to miss it.
> 
> [My Twitter!!](https://twitter.com/ReadsVale)
> 
> Kudos and comments are my fuel ❤❤


	13. Between a rock and a hard place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really excited for this chapter. Enjoy!!!

How could he interfere between Kuroo and Kenma? 

He didn’t want to hurt his friends feeling, of any of them. Despite not having slept well last night or the night before that, his mind wouldn't let him rest, he toss and turns again in his bed without success. He looks at the ceiling of his room at the small stars that shone slightly almost without any light at all, they were no longer of much use, they had worn out over time. How would I see Kenma in the face tomorrow?

He had meditated the whole weekend of what to do about this new situation, but still he could not find any solution and Kuroo had not been very helpful, if he hated him everything would be much easier and making a decision would be much simpler. He had agreed with Kuroo to wait until he returns from his championship, he had only agreed because he didn't want to distract him from the game, but what will he do in the meantime?

"Just pretend as if none of this had happened, as if you had never found out."

That was Kuroo's answer.

I wish it was that simple.

He arrives late that day to school, his first late mark in his attendance of the year, in his three years actually. He wanted to spend as little time as possible with Kenma. He enters his classroom with only half an hour of class left, in the second he enters he feels the intense golden eyes of Kenma on him. He was looking at him expectantly from his window seat, the light illuminating the left side of his face. He walks slowly until he sits down.

_ Are you okay? _

Kenma's expression said.

_ I'm fine. _

He replied in the same way.

They remain silent until the class ends. The moment the teacher leaves the classroom at the end of the hour, Kenma turns his whole body to speak to him. He didn't want to get mad at him, after all they were nothing but friends. 

So... Why does he feel betrayed by him? He tries to get those thoughts out of his head, his friend is not to blame for anything in the situation.

"... right?"

He raises his head to look at him, his eyes were staring back with obvious concern.

"What? I didn't hear you."

"Keiji, is everything all right?"

"Ahhh yes, sorry, I didn't want to worry you or anything, I just felt all the weight of the weekend and fell asleep, that's all."

Kenma narrows his eyes as if he's trying to believe his words. "If you need to talk about anything, you know I'm here."

"I know. Don't you have to go to your next class?"

They both stand up and he walks his friend to his other classroom in complete silence. He doesn't feel like talking or looking at him. Guilt is slowly torturing him. When they say goodbye, he says he will see him at lunch and Keiji just nods. He checks his phone and Kuroo still hasn't sent him anything, but he hasn't started a conversation either.

He is the worst friend.

He writes him phrases of encouragement for his matches to come, assuring him that everything will turn out well and that he’s capable of everything. He knows that he will probably not see it until night time when he has free time, he had also mentioned that the internet signal was not the best there. He scrolls down in his chat with Kenma reading their previous conversations, if his friend found out what they had done, he would never speak to him in the same way again. He didn’t want to lose Kenma.

He tries to make conversation during lunch so that his friend doesn’t suspect of his bad mood, obviously avoiding important topics. It's a little ridiculous to talk about some news from Sweden that he saw a few years ago about a bank robbery, but it was the first thing it came to his mind and he didn't want to hear what Kenma had to say about the party or anything really. Now everything for him could involve Kuroo in some way. So he tries to keep the conversation light and unimportant.

He doesn’t focus on any of his following classes, his mind can’t think in other than Kenma. He hears from someone behind him say how fun the party was, how epic it was and blah blah blah. What would had happen if he had met Kuroo right there with Kenma by his side? Surely the blond would have caught them immediately and his brain wouldn’t have been able to made up an excuse in time.

At least now he had that, Time.

Time to think about what to tell Kenma when he finds out, time to think about the perfect apology, time to decide what to tell him about Kuroo, time to think upon his mistakes, time to win Kenma back.

His mind returns to reality when the teacher announces that the final grade will be a written essay, the finals were always difficult exams, but there were lucky cases like this where you just had to study and do a little research at home to deliver later. He knew that they were going to pay him a lot for this, the most important grade, the one it could decide if some students approved or failed the class. 

He looks around at his classmates and crosses his gaze with some of them. Maybe he could write about six? Eight at the most if he sets his mind to it. He knows that his classmates will pay him a fortune this time. And he felt empowered to raise his price as much as he wanted, confident enough that the desperate students would pay for it, he needed to be distracted by something after all, and if he made good money with his new distraction, then it was perfect for him.

However... He just can’t do this anymore, his body and mind are tired. If Karma brought him to this point, wouldn't be the best to do everything in his power to correct his mistake? It was bullshit, but he had to redeem himself. He couldn’t continue to defy the rules without receiving any punishment. All of this had started with his "job" and that led him to make a series of mistakes. How could he not have realized before that what he was doing was wrong? Well, you never think about the consequences until it starts to affect you.

"I will not accept any other job, you will have to manage on your own."

That’s what he says to his classmates when they approach him at the end of the class. Their responses were not friendly, some offered him a ridiculous sum of money, others insulted him, and some threatened to accuse him. He didn't change his mind for any of those reasons and neither would he, he had already decided. His business was closed forever.

He has to leave his classroom quickly to avoid his angry classmates. Ugh as if it was his obligation to work for them. He walks to Kenma's classroom and waits for him by the door, for the first time he wanted to get out of there quickly and not be one more minute in the establishment. He tries to say that with his gaze to Kenma as he peeks out at the door, the blond apparently understands it because when he sees him, he immediately stands with his things.

"Akaashi!"

He quickly moves his head away from the door, as if that could help him avoid her.

"Akaashi I didn't see you at my house on Friday. Did something happen?" Sadashi's expression reflected a false concern.

"Sorry, I couldn't go."

"Doesn't matter Akaashi. For the next time!"

He nods knowing that he would never go to one of her parties, Kenma was already next to him with his head down and they start walking to get away from the place.

"Wait, Akaashi!"

He rolls his eyes before turning around.

"They made us do this math homework for extra points that I definitely need, it's not very long or anything, but I need it in two days."

"Sorry Sadashi, I will no longer continue with my business, from now on you will have to do them yourself."

With that, he turns again to continue on his way ignoring the questioning look that Kenma is giving him.

"But classes are almost ending and it's final grades season. What I’m supposed to do with so little time?"

"I guess you should start studying on these two days you have left, good luck."

The walk to the station is just as quiet, he thought Kenma was going to ask him about what happened in the hall earlier, but he remains silent. He looks around with his hands in his pockets waiting for his train, he wanted to go home to lie down and hibernate for the whole week.

"Do you want to go to my house?"

He was deep in thought when he hears Kenma’s voice, the blond was playing on his console but he knew that he must have been looking at him long enough to worry about him. He didn't know how to hide his feelings and he didn't want his friend to feel sorry for him, the best for now was see each other just the necessary until he came up with a better plan.

"No thank you, I need my hours of sleep back, but thanks for the invitation."

"Alright, you can call me if you change your mind and I can go to your place or you can just go to my house if you want."

"Thank you Kenma, I'll think about it."

They talk again when they say goodbye, Kenma gently waved his hand as he entered the train. The moment he sits down he receives a message from Kenma saying that he’s worried about him and doesn’t want him to fall asleep in the train, a tiny smile forms on his face. They talk all the way about nothing important really, about the things they see around them, about how much is left to get home, about superficial thoughts.

In the moment he sets a foot in his house, he collapses completely. He lies on the couch for hours without doing anything, he takes a short nap and wakes up due to the hunger, he hardly ate at lunch so he reheats that food and eats while playing on his cell phone in his room. Apparently his nap wasn’t short at all because it was already past seven. He stretches his legs to rest his plate on his lap, it was almost like when Kuroo opened up with him that day, only now that he was completely alone. He responds to Kenma's messages saying that after getting some sleep he felt much better, they talk for a while and his friend mentions that he will cook onigiri for him tomorrow. He grimaces immediately, he clutches his chest, his heart ached, his heart was screaming and his heart was still beating for Kenma.

How did he let himself fall in love like this?

Some time ago he realized that his feelings were not a simple crush or something purely temporary, he was in love, or well that's what he assumed... According to the internet, the shojo manga, his soap operas and even Kuroo, he could deduce that what he felt for his friend was love. But after all, everyone felt it differently so he couldn’t be sure, he had also read that it was not possible to be in love at this young age and especially without having formed a romantic relationship with that person, let alone about the research he had read stating that it was impossible for a man to be able to love another man.

Still, he was convinced that he was in love, but what could he do? He wasn’t going to try anything with his friend now, less with Kuroo in the same state or even worse than him being in love with Kenma. He had already promised him.

"Just a glance was enough to be captivated by him."

That’s what Kuroo had told him. At least he did remember Kenma since their first year, unlike him.

"I was in my first year, I played volleyball, I had good grades, my classmates fought to sit with me at lunch and the girls were constantly confessing to me. It was all quite normal until one day I saw him and that was it. My fragile heart exploded when I saw his golden eyes on the school hallway. I tried to hide it at first obviously, I tried to convince myself it was nothing, but I couldn't stop looking for him from Monday to Friday. He was short, very short, I think I kept that image in my head, eventually he grow taller of course, he was pale and his black hair looked so soft, it was always long, but not as much as now, what I liked most about him were his big golden eyes with feline features. Sometimes we would look at each other and I would turn around like a child caught by his mother doing something wrong."

Kuroo had a similar perspective on Kenma as him. He couldn't help but feel his blood boiling inside him with jealousy. He saw him first, he noticed him first, he liked him first.

"So that’s how I spent the first year, I never dared to talk to him because I didn’t want to confirm my doubts and I didn’t want to approach him neither, I didn’t trust my actions and I was sure that I would do something stupid... I did something stupid after all. I went to parties almost every weekend, I got drunk more than once at my young age and dated several girls that year. I wanted him to see me, I wanted Kenma to see me with a girl so that I could say 'See? I'm not like that' Every time I saw him, I made sure to be with a girl next to me to practically making out on his face, I could see several times his disgusted expression. When summer came, I tried to forget how I felt, but the secret only hurt me more in the inside, after hating me for months, one day I learned to accept me for who I was, I informed myself on the subject and investigated as well, I would not make the same mistake with Kenma again." 

Keiji felt more identified with Kuroo than he wanted to admit, he felt bad for always believing the silly rumors about Kuroo that were circling around the school, he knew that Kenma was always aware of his surroundings even if it didn’t seem like it, he must have listened enough to knowing that he had to put some distance with Kuroo Tetsurou.

"At the beginning of the following year I greeted him every time I saw him with my hand, he never greeted me back, he just looked at me with his big eyes. I didn't dare speak to him, but I always gave him a smile, from time to time I could see his lips curled a little in response. In the second half of the year we shared a class together, a laboratory one. I partner up with him right away, he never spoke to me and always avoided looking at me too, I thought he hated me but he was just shy. After some time I tried to make conversation with him and sometimes we talked about superficial topics like classes and all that, but I don't know, I wasn't brave enough to tell him something more, I was afraid that he would reject me and I really didn't want him to do it. So, I suffered for love another year, looking at myself in the mirror every morning saying that today will be the day, today I will finally talk with him. "

How many times did he suffer from the same? Kenma was a person difficult to approach, but once you had met him you could see all the glowing details about him. Kuroo's constant doubts were to blame... just like his, if he had put aside the voices that tormented him, perhaps he would have spoken to Kenma earlier and this moment would be very different.

"At the beginning of the year, when I saw him I almost fainted, if you just could have seen my face... he looked beautiful with his hair, but I could feel his nervousness, I heard some comments about him and how good he looked, I was jealous. Apparently that was all the necessary fuel to be able to speak to him. It was an afternoon before volleyball practice and I went to speak to him in the hallway to ask him how he was, it was a small talk, he made me laugh a few times and I had to ruin it by rushing things and ask for his number. He didn't give it to me of course, he rejected me right there, but you know me, I wasn't going to give up that easily, I think it was worse because I could see his irritated face every time I approached him. I had already run out of options and then I heard your name on the halls. I knew it was a different job from what you normally did, but I had to try it, I had to make him like me, but doing it by myself was no longer useful. I needed other words, with a different mentality so I could make him fall in love with me with that corny love phrases, at least that was what I thought. I could understand his insecurity towards being with me, so I didn't care about his short responses at first, receiving an answer from him could be the best thing that had happened to me and well, then we became friends and we told each other things and more and more I fell deeper and deeper into his eyes. I wanted more ... I was ambitious. "

"But Akaashi, you know that my feelings for him are real, I was just desperate, I couldn't find a better way to get close to him and I swear I had no idea you knew him. I never saw you together, well actually, I tried not looking for him at school on purpose so as not to scare him, but I never thought you knew each other, I promise. "

Judging by his face, he could believe him. Maybe he didn't know he knew Kenma but the damage was done anyway, and they had done it together.

"I believe you Kuroo, but that changes nothing, no matter what you tell me or how sweet your love story for him really is, we cannot continue to hide this secret."

They had been debating for a while now, Keiji wanted to tell him the truth, Kuroo didn’t. They would both lose him in the end, but he couldn't keep lying to Kenma. As bad as it sounds, lying and deceive on a faceless stranger was easier.

"Akaashi I'll tell him, don't worry, b-but in a few more years." He looks at him with a nervous smile.

"No, what do you want me to do in the meantime? I can't even look at his face now."

"I know he’s your friend Akaashi, but he’s happy, he is happy with me. Don't you want him to be happy?"

What a manipulative bastard...

"That's not the point. What good is it if that happiness started with nothing but lies?"

The expression on his face changes completely, Kuroo looked angry, he didn't want to get mad at him. He just wanted him to be happy... with someone who's not Kenma.

"You didn't care much about that before, did you? You used to laugh when I told you that someday I will tell him the truth on my deathbed. What made you change your mind?"

Kuroo knew they were friends, he had told him, but he omitted some details. He didn’t tell him that they were so close and avoided telling him much about the blond, because he didn't want him to realize that he also has feelings for him. For now, his reason was to tell him the truth because he felt like he had betrayed his friend, which was 100% real.

"That’s what exactly changed my opinion Kuroo. I know it sounds horrible but I didn’t care about a girl that I didn't even know, knowing that it was Kenma everything changed, we are friends and I would like to continue maintaining that friendship. As I told you a long time ago, I am not good on that field and I highly appreciate the few people in my life. Sorry, I just can't do this to him."

"BUT AKAASHI" despair was taking over Kuroo. "Please, he won't know, there will be no difference. What does it matter now? We're fine right now, it won't affect him at all."

Keiji knew he was being a selfish and hypocritical son of a bitch, he knew Kuroo was upset with him and he was upset with himself too. 

He just couldn't deliver Kenma on a silver platter to Kuroo, not anymore. 

Besides, it was true that he couldn’t keep with the lies. Was he willing to always live with the fear that Kenma would someday discover them? I just can't not tell him, it wasn't morally correct.

"I’m sorry Kuroo. Do you think I want this too? I don't think he'll talk to me again after this, but... Don't you feel guilty? It's like we've played with him all this time."

Kuroo was far from him sitting hugging his knees. "That means that we both will lose him. Will that make you feel better with yourself Akaashi?"

"Of course not, but it's the right thing to do."

Kuroo laughs, "The right thing." He was looking down and they made no eye contact with each other.

"Kuroo, if ... if K-Kenma really loves you, then he will forgive you, maybe it will take some time but he will." He really hopes he does.

"He won’t, he will never forgive me for this... please do it for me."

His eyes were bright and full of sincerity, he loved Kenma, he would take care of him and would make him happy. He wanted to, he really wanted to help Kuroo, but he just wanted Kenma more, he doesn't deserve this.

"You have to understand me Kuroo, what I did wasn't right, what we did wasn’t right at all. I will take responsibility for this and I will tell him, I'm sorry but I cannot change my mind with this, please just try to understand me."

Kuroo sighs and gets out of bed, he watches him walk back and forth across his room with his hands over his face.

"I get it Akaashi, okay? It’s just that if he doesn't find out, we would all be happy. Why would we jeopardize that? "

I wouldn't be happy.

His feet dangled from the bed and he moved them nervously. He felt a lump in his throat for hours now and was afraid of breaking at any second.

"You told me a while ago that you didn't want to keep lying and that you wanted to be yourself. Don't you think it's unfair to him? Don't you think he deserves to know the truth?"

Kuroo looked him in the eye, turns around and sighs again, he knew I was right. "After the championship, please."

He didn't want this to affect his performance, but he also didn't want to spend another more minute pretending that everything is fine while literally he was lying to Kenma in the face.

"Alright, I'll tell him after Wednesday."

"We will tell him together, Akaashi promise me that we will tell him together."

He gets out of bed and gently touches Kuroo's shoulder with his finger, he turns and they look at each other for a few seconds. He wonders if Kuroo Tetsurou hates him.

"I promise."

  
  


Shouldn't he be taking advantage of the time he has left with Kenma while they still can?

Who would he get mad at the most, him or Kuroo?

Would he ever forgive him?

It was tempting he has to admit it, not say anything to him and see how their friends are happy together, he would go away for college and in time he would forget about Kenma and with dedication he would not lose the friendship of any of his friends. But what about his feelings? Do they not count? Would Kuroo do the same for him if he asked him to?

He leaves his already empty plate on his nightstand and sits cross-legged. Kuroo still hasn't answered his message.

He sighs and looks at his little worn out galaxy on his roof. Why did this have to end with three broken hearts? It had been so difficult for him to form friendships so they could end just like that... For Kenma as well. His friend had told him how difficult it was for him to trust someone, now he will never do it again and it was all his fault. He would take away not only his friend but his love interest. Without him and without Kuroo... Kenma would be alone, he couldn't do that to him. Although, he had another friend.

Yes, he remembered it, he had another friend.

A friend who he likes...

Kenma had no other friends, well he hide Kuroo well, so it was possible.

He tries to remember word by word of what Kuroo had told him, it was after his first date and when they decided not to continue with this, Kuroo had told him that Jane was confused by another person, by his friend and that she had told him a long time ago... by Jon, Jon Doe.

Kenma only had one more friend, him. But he never told him about Kuroo, it's possible that he has another suitor secret out there. But he had read all the conversations and clearly there was nothing about a secret friend, maybe Kuroo was confused and he had told him by a letter or it was just an excuse that Kenma made up for not return his feelings, he lies on his bed, he didn't want to have false hopes, he couldn’t afford them.

But they almost kissed.

If he was going to lose Kenma anyway it was better to know the whole truth, he had to ask him, he had nothing to lose. 

No, he couldn't, he was still a coward.

An idea comes to his mind, but he can't... he would only bury more and more his own grave. He sees on his phone that Kenma is still online. Kuroo would see it, but there’s nothing he could really do, for two days at least. Well, he was already a horrible person, he would just be adding something else to the list.

He jumps out of bed and walks to his desk to open his laptop, and he goes straight to Applepi's email account, he exhales deeply before continuing.

_ "Kenma ..." _

No, since he had been reading all their conversations with Kuroo, he had never called him by his name, they were both careful.

_ “Hey” _

With his phone in his hands, he can see that Kenma is still online, maybe he will find it a bit strange that he would talk to him by email, he needs an excuse. He waits fifteen minutes when he hears the notification tone from his laptop.

_ "Hi, how did it go? did you qualified???? And why are you writing me by email?" _

I knew it.

_ "Yepppp, the signal is horrible but there is a computer here, so we can talk." _

He hopes that they have actually qualified for next round and for the excuse is to be credible enough. The answer comes almost immediately.

_ "I’m glad! Congratulations!!! How are you for tomorrow?" _

He didn’t want to get into the subject of volleyball or he was going to lose.

_ "Thanks :DD _

_ In fact, there is something I wanted to talk to you about, I haven't stopped thinking about it all day and I can't concentrate well, it's about your friend. " _

He's a bastard, Kenma will hate him and Kuroo will hate him, and he doesn't deserve anything good in life.

_ "What are you talking about? Is it because of what I told you at the party?" _

Shit, he tries to think of what to tell him, he just has to be direct. Perhaps Kenma mentioned that he went with a friend to the party and that he abandoned him? Kuroo doesn't know that he is  _ the friend _ and it must be because Kenma has never spoken about him, not with a first and last name at least. But why? Why did Kuroo doesn’t know about him?

_ "I think I know who he is, I need you to confirm it for me." _

He waits about five minutes for the answer, he is lying on his desk resting his hands on his face without taking his eyes off the screen when he hears the notification.

_ "What the fuck?! Why?" _

He was sure he would go to hell.

_ "I thought about it during the trip and I think I know him, a teammate was just talking about him and that's when I realized." _

Vague information but it could do.

_ "Who cares?" _

_ "I care, I just want to be sure if it's him." _

He doesn’t write to him again, half an hour passes and still nothing, but he can see him online on his cell phone, he must be angry that’s why he hasn’t answer him yet. He's already risked too much just to stay here, so he writes again.

_ "Is it Akaashi Keiji?" _

He closes his eyes waiting for the message, now his relationship had reached a point of no return. He was never going to forgive him. He hears the sound of the notification, his heart begins to beat faster and faster. He opens one eye slowly and then opens the other to confirm the answer.

_ "Yes." _

He can see his smile reflected on his computer screen, Kenma likes him. Kenma likes him! If only he had confessed his true feelings a while ago, the two would already be together, they would be boyfriends and they would be happy.

_ "Ahh I just wanted to confirm it, thanks for telling me. Wish me luck :DDDD See you when I get back!!!!!" _

  
  


_ "Why ??? Why you wanted to know?" _

_ "Good luck... I guess." _

He doesn’t answer him again and takes the opportunity of deleting the latest emails, he knows that Kenma will not insist again and if he does, it will be by phone message, he has no escape from that... but honestly, it no longer matters to him. He doesn't care about anything, just that Kenma has feelings for him.

What will he do now? Just leave it like he has always done? He needed a plan, before Kuroo returns. But he can't think because his mind is in the clouds and his heart is beating fast. He is happy, he is very happy and he cannot stop smiling.

Intoxicated by his feelings he can't help but pick up his phone and do something even worse.

**-Kenma, can I go to your house?**

-Now? Yeah, did something happen?

**-Nothing serious, I just need to tell you something.**

-Ok, let me know when you're close

**-See you**

It was confirmation enough, he looks at the watch on his wrist, it was past ten. He takes his jacket that was hanging on his closet and with a door slam he leaves his house to meet Kenma. He would finally tell him everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi really screwed up here… Will Kenma found out? Who do you think he will choose??? Aaaaah please let me know what you think about how the story will go👀
> 
>   
> [My Twitter!!](https://twitter.com/ReadsVale)
> 
> Kudos and comments are my fuel ❤❤


	14. The encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

When he got to the station it was almost empty, he wanted to call an Uber to get there faster, but he still had to think about the exact words to say to Kenma. If he had written the letter from Kenma when he proposed it, he could have practiced what to say to him, but now his mind was completely blank. He investigates a little on his phone the perfect words to tell him everything that has been stuck in his chest for months, but he doesn't quite like anything, perhaps he had to use his own words for once in his life. He can’t stop bouncing his leg from the nerves, he kept biting his bottom lip and he couldn't help but run his hand through his hair every five seconds. His eyes were closed as he tried to form a speech in his head to confess his love for Kenma.

“Kenma, since we started to form a friendship and our relationship was growing progressively, I couldn't help but falling in love with you…”

No.

“I wish I could tell you the exact moment when I started seeing you as more than just a friend…”

No.

“My heart speeds up every time I see you, my eyes only seek yours, my fingers tremble when I touch you…

…” 

“I like you Kenma, I like you a lot.”

  
  


Confessing his feelings was more difficult than he thought, he knew he had to write them down first. He couldn't get to his friend's house without any idea what to say to him.

His leg was still moving faster against the floor when he hears a message on his cell phone, it was from Kenma. He was asking him if he was already on his way. His nerves calm down a bit when he’s talking to him, it must be because they are not face to face.

Now that Kenma knew Kuroo and they had already kissed, it was very possible that he could no longer feel anything towards him. He hadn't thought about it until now, but maybe Kenma would reject him right away and would save him a bigger embarrassment. Well, he didn't care anymore, he wanted to tell him, his friend had to know.

He doesn't run from the station just because he feels his stomach churning as he gets closer and closer, half of him wanted to get to Kenma as soon as possible and the other half wanted to turn around and run like a scared kid.

**-You get off the train?**

-Yes, I'm on my way.

**-Do you want me to walk till there?**

-It's not necessary, but you could wait outside your house, if it's not too late and if your parents don't mind.

**-My parents are already sleeping, I will walk to you, we’ll meet on the way**

-All right.

He gulps, he had no time left. He would meet Kenma at any minute now, his heartbeat was increasing of nerves or eagerness, he wasn’t sure. He runs his hand through his hair again. He just has to get carried away by the moment, he would no longer have a chance after this, but he doesn’t want to think about it, now is what matters. What will he say first? It no longer mattered, he would have to get everything straight from his heart. He almost gasped when he saw him.

Kenma was walking towards him slowly with his hands in his pockets, he still didn't see him, he was wearing a white hoodie and wide black pants, he was listening to music because he could see his red headphones or he was only using them so that people would not speak to him. He had read that about him in one of the conversations with Kuroo.

Kuroo...

No, he didn't want to think about him right now. He doesn’t have time to feel bad.

Kenma looks up and his eyes meet, he can't see if Kenma smiles at him or not, but he certainly did. He inhales as much air as he can to slowly exhale. When they were face to face, none of them said anything, his friend looked at him expectantly but he couldn't make words come out of his mouth. He takes a deep breath again.

"Did something bad happen?"

He shakes his head. "None of that, everything is fine. And how are you?"

"Hmmm just like in the afternoon, normal."

Right.

"Ehhh sorry for bothering you, ummm it wasn’t even anything important."

Kenma frowns. "What thing?"

What did he have to say to him? 

He doesn't want to do this anymore, in his fantasy everything looked better, the reality was horrible, just horrible. He wanted to turn around and run like a little coward.

"Let's go to my house," the blond turns around and starts walking in the opposite direction, making sure from time to time to look back to see if he’s following him.

The silence was worse now, it was slowly killing him, maybe Kenma is thinking about him right now, about nothing good I imagine. He sees his house from afar, the lights were off, and he heard almost no noise. They enter and Kenma takes the keys in his hand but before doing anything with them he puts them back in his pocket.

"Do you want to stay in the backyard for a while?"

"Okay."

They go to the back of the house, he had never been here, but he could see it from the window of Kenma's room. It had caught his attention before because his garden was beautiful, Kenma's mother had mentioned that she loved flowers and every Saturday she devoted herself to the complete maintenance of her garden.

They sit on the steps that led to the back door to the kitchen, although there were two seats perfectly available in front of them, it was a small table with an umbrella and two chairs far apart. Maybe Kenma wanted him to be closer to him and that’s why they were sitting on the two steps almost hugging their knees and brushing their shoulders together.

He had to say something to him, he knew it, but his brain was not on his side that day, he couldn't even form a sentence in his mind. Where did all his bravery go? The little he had when he left his house at least. He can hear Kenma's calm breathing beside him, he wasn't with his console or his phone, he was just sitting next to him. He was afraid to look at him, so he was looking anywhere but Kenma.

"Do you remember I told you that I fell from a tree once?"

He does remember, he obviously remembers.

"Yes." His voice comes out softer than normal.

"It was that one over there" the blond points his finger forward where there was a large tree with a lot of branches, he could see hanging on one of them some kind of rope, perhaps from a swing he had a long time ago.

"It’s very high, that’s why you had to go to the hospital."

"I was hiding from my parents, I wanted to live up there, it was a good idea for a eight year old at the time," the two were looking at the green tree. "And the worst thing is that I didn't even fall from that high, it was from that branch over there, I couldn't climb any higher."

The branch was the closest to the floor, it looked quite big and strong, he didn't understand how he came out with a sprained leg from the hospital. Little laughs come out of his mouth.

"Hey! I was clumsy and I was just a little kid, but I spent that summer locked up at home lying in my bed playing video games and eating my favorite foods, it was one of my favorite summers."

He laughs again this time with more force. "I can imagine that."

Kenma is smiling while playing with the sleeves of his hoodie. "Did you ever fall from a tree? Don't tell me you were one of those monkey kids who climbed everything?"

He shakes his head. "No, I never climbed one."

"Really? You never climbed a tree? ”

"No, and with your story now I doubt I will."

Kenma laughs softly. "And I was about to invite you to climb it together, I need something to cushion my fall."

They both laugh a little, Kenma's laughter mingling with his loud heartbeat. The two of them stare for a moment, Kenma's eyes were shining even more from the intense moonlight and the little lights on the garden. Kenma lowers his head and he can feel his slight gaze on him. He didn't even care anymore to be caught staring at him.

With his cheeks decorated in a beautiful pink color, Kenma hides a lock of hair behind his ear. The beauty of his friend was taking the air out of his lungs.

He had to tell him, now is the time.

Kenma played with his feet rubbing them together and kept clutching the sleeve of his hoodie with his delicate fingers. The words were stuck in his throat, he was afraid that when he opened his mouth only a whimper would come out of it. He breathes once more deeply to tell him, perhaps silly words would come out of him without making any sense, but it was better to tell him what he feels now than to keep waiting another minute with the secret drowning in his heart. Kenma looks at him again, as if he already knew that he wanted to say something to him.

Here it goes.

Kenma's lock of hair covers his face again and before his friend raises his hand, Keiji takes it with his fingers taking the opportunity to caress it before hiding it behind his ear. Now his face was of an intense red color, his golden eyes were looking directly at him and his lips were slightly open.

He already forgot what he wanted to say.

And he just jumped.

His lips brushed against Kenma's.

He closes his eyes due to the intensity of his emotions, Kenma's soft lips caressed his tenderly, his noses bumped a little, but he felt the blonde's head tilt to the side for better access, he feels Kenma's warm breath on his mouth.

His heart stopped and his heartbeat accelerated at the same time.

He didn't plan to do this at all. When they part, he can feel his cheeks boiling, he can barely breath and he fought with all his might not to run his fingers over his lips to feel them. He couldn't decipher Kenma's expression. His cheeks were still red and his eyes were brighter than ever.

_Can I do it again?_ He tries to tell him with his mind.

_Yes,_ the blond replies in the same way, leaning towards him.

His knees were bumping together, his hands went up his body without really knowing where to put them, he decides to caress the ends of his blond hair. He asks for permission internally by running his tongue over Kenma's bottom lip, he gives it to him. He tastes the inside of Kenma's mouth with his tongue feeling his delicate fingers caressing his cheek and when their wet tongues embrace each other and melt into the kiss, he feels the tingling of his stomach go through each part of his body.

He tries to increase the intensity, but when he opens his mouth a bit more, his teeth clash against Kenmas. They separate and the two of them were breathing heavily, he watches completely stunned as his friend's chest rose and fell. Kenma is the one who decides to close the distance again. Kenma's warm lips were kissing him with intensity and he tried to respond in the same way, a small moan came out of his mouth when he felt his tongue again, Kenma's hands goes up and he puts them together behind his neck. A chill ran through his body when Kenma says his name.

"Keiji."

He tries to join their lips together again, but he moves his face. When he tries again, Kenma moves, taking the heat away from his body.

"Keiji," he says again.

No.

Please don't say it.

"I can’t."

He tries to catch his breath, his hands are clinging to his own clothes and he feels the lump in his throat again.

"Keiji I-"

"Don't say it" he can't see his face. "Please don't tell me yet."

He feels Kenma's hand sliding down his knee until he takes his own hand, he squeezes it hard while they remain in silence.

Taking a risk didn't help him at all because he only felt his heart break. He should have done this long ago, maybe Kenma would have reciprocate his feelings, but he was a coward and now he was paying for it.

"Do you like someone else?" Words come out faster than he can process them. He can't, he doesn't want to look at Kenma.

"I think so, but I umm, Keiji I like you a lot, I just have to think, please give me a little time."

Do you like Kuroo Tetsurou? He wanted to ask him, but his common sense still hadn't completely abandoned him.

"I don't have time, Kenma." He no longer had it.

He wanted to tell him that, choose me, choose me now because we can't be together after. He looks him in the eyes, pleading with him to understand him.

It's me, it's me the one behind the letters, it's me the one you should be thinking about right now, it's me the one you should like, I'm the one that you should want to kiss.

He stands on the small steps and Kenma does it too, but says nothing to him. He always knew that this was going to ruin their friendship, the pain in his chest would have been avoided if it wasn’t for him wanting to take risks. It was better this way... Kenma won’t be hurt as much when he finds out.

"I’m so sorry Kenma, I shouldn't have-"

"No, don't say it. I kissed you too and I liked it, don't apologize for that."

They stand a while longer in front of each other without dedicating words or glances. The night was still warm but he could occasionally feel an icy breeze.

"I better go."

"You can stay if you want, it's too late."

"It’s not necessary, but thank you." He walks away to leave and free himself from Kenma's gaze.

"Keiji" Kenma grabs it from his sleeve. "Please stay, it's already late."

"I can call an Uber if that makes you feel better."

The two sit waiting in the garden, this time in the front one. Kenma played with his feet moving the dirt on the floor.

"Kenma?" The blond looks at him in an instant. "Could we just forget this? So that tomorrow is not awkward between us, uhh so we can still be friends."

He sees how his friend analyzes the question, after a few seconds he shakes his head. "No, I don't think I can forget it and I don't want to either." He says as if was nothing.

"B- but then-"

"Keiji" His expression was serious. "Do you like me?"

At that moment he forgot how to breathe, he wanted to shout yes, of course. But now it was impossible to confess, the words would come out bitter from his mouth and he was sure that he would start crying. Yet, he nods at him.

"Okay, I like you too. Ummm I need time, time to think, I- I don't want to lose you... in any way possible, I don't want to play with your feelings or anything, I would never do that, but I need time, please."

I'd give him all the time in the world if necessary. He didn't deserve his friend's kindness, he had already played with his feelings and he could never forgive himself for that. He doesn't deserve him, he doesn't deserve his friend, he wanted to cry.

"Okay," he says softly, in two days it won't matter.

"Thanks" he can see the soft smile he gives him, he tries to return it but he only manages to wince.

When the car arrives they say goodbye with a hug, Kenma squeezes him hard and he takes advantage of inhaling his scent for one last time.

"See you tomorrow, Kenma."

"Try to rest and if you need anything just let me know, see you."

That night he cannot sleep and he highly doubts whether to commit his first absence of the year, but in the end he just arrives late for his second time.

  
  


Kenma looked as haggard as he did at lunch with a tired expression. He spent all of his previous classes debating whether to go up to his place for lunch, but he was going to take advantage of the friendship Kenma had to offer him as much as he could.

"Yesterday I forgot to give you this." He gives him a bag full of onigiri, maybe they'll last for the whole day.

"Thank you very much, they look delicious" it was true, but he can't stop his voice from coming out somewhat monotonous.

"This time I did it myself, I hope I don't poison you." Kenma's eyes smiled at him.

"Thank you," he says before eating them, they were delicious indeed.

He manages to relax a little more when they walk together to the station, they talk a little about their classes and the final exams.

"Did you hear from the university?"

"Oh I totally forgot, I will check my emails the minute I get home."

"I hope everything goes well. Are you sure you won't tell your parents?"

Keiji thinks about it. "No," he says, shaking his head. "Not for now."

They don't talk as much by messages when they take different trains and that makes him feel an emptiness in his chest.

He tries to fall asleep at the second he arrives home, but his thoughts don’t let him. If Kuroo found out what he did, he would hate him forever, he would also have to confess all he did to him. His friend still doesn't answer yesterday's message, he must be angry with him.

He seriously thought about not saying anything to Kenma so he and Kuroo can be happy together. He would walk away from their relationship and distance himself, perhaps he would see them again at those tedious school reunions parties in about ten more years. He wanted Kenma not to suffer and Kuroo not to suffer, but he was certain that one day he would find out anyway, that always happens with the lies.

He couldn't look him in the eye without thinking about what he did, plus if he tells him now, Kenma had time to think whether or not to decide to forgive Kuroo, better than doing it after they've spent a life together and have no choice but to simply forgive him about what he did.

  
  


The next day he delivered his last job, they had already paid him for the work and he didn't want to cancel his orders because he thought that that was the right thing to do. The girl thanks him with a sweet smile. He walks away from the locker that was almost across the school from where he had his next class. He reluctantly walks down the halls, he was going to miss his job a little, now he would have plenty of free time, he should start looking for a real job in the summer. He always had the idea that at least one teacher had caught him or at least suspected of him, it was impossible that in three years no one saw a similarity in his way of writing, perhaps they didn't care enough and as long as it didn’t affect their class, they really didn't care.

If only he had made a complete count of everything he had earned, he would like to know how much money he earned by cheating the system. Now he could fully dedicate himself to his own grades and he was left with extra time to think about all his mistakes. Great!

He walks with Kenma in silence again to the station, maybe this would be the last time, tomorrow Kuroo would return and they would tell him the whole truth. He has to get the most out of it, all he can manage to do is walk slower than normal to delay the inevitable. They stand side by side next to a sea of people waiting to reach their destinations. They don't say anything while they wait and when the train is in front of him, he doesn't want to get in. He can wait for the next one, but he doesn't know what he would gain apart from standing in silence, so he moves his feet to advance.

"See you tomorrow Keiji." Kenma slightly looks up from his console to look at him.

He looks at him with a wistful smile, Kenma looked perfect as always. "See you." He says in a trembling voice.

The doors close in front of him and he can see Kenma moving further and further away. The message comes to him after a few seconds, but he didn't want to look at it. He waits 60 seconds before opening it, they talk for a while about unimportant things until he gets home.

He had already decided, first he would tell Kuroo about the kiss with Kenma and everything else about how he really felt for the boy. He knows it will end in a fight, maybe he would even end up with a black eye, but he thinks he deserves it, maybe he would feel compassion for him and he would just punch him once. Then they would definitely go to tell Kenma, he doesn't know how he would react in that scenario, he has rarely seen Kenma mad. Irritated? Most of the time. Angry? just a couple of times. Furious? he was about to find out.

He drifts off to sleep because he really needs to rest a little, he knows that he will not be able to do it for the whole following week so he must take advantage of it, it’s not that hard, it must due to his body being tired for days.

He wakes up with a familiar knock on his door, he rubs his eyes with his hands still tired from his nap, the knocking increases its volume. He can almost hear the person's fury with each not-so-soft knock. He knew who he was, he didn't want to open it. So, he contemplates the idea of hiding under his bed so as not to face his friend, but someday he had to assume his guilt, it’s better to do it soon. He gets out of the couch reluctantly, dragging his feet to the entrance, just then he hears the voice of Kuroo Tetsurou.

"Akaashi!"

"Akaashi, I know you are in there!"

He sighs heavily before opening the door. Damn, he also forgot to prepare an apology speech for Kuroo. His friend was still wearing his volleyball uniform and a big bag was hanging from his shoulder, his hair was messier than ever and he could see a blue ribbon hanging from his neck, it was a medal, but he couldn’t see the color of it because it’s under Kuroo’s uniform. The worst thing was that his face wasn’t reflecting his typical smile, his eyes expressed pure fury and his mouth was ready to insult him.

Kuroo enters, takes off his shoes almost throwing them around his living room and closes the door softly, Keiji gulps.

"Kuroo, I'm so sorry, I should have told you about Kenma before, I didn't think that this would happen, I don't even know how to apologize to you, I just had to know, I'm sorry I- I just wanted to know how he felt about me."

Kuroo was looking at him with narrowed eyes, his arms were crossed over his chest and he looked more intimidating than the time he defended him from that aggressive client.

"Akaashi..." His voice didn't reflect his facial or body expression at all, it sounded worse. Hurt, broken, betrayed. "How could you?"

"I- I wasn’t thinking clearly and well ummm, I know there is no excuse, but ughh I don’t know, it was a spur of the moment and I didn’t wanted it to be like this, I wasn’t considered with your feelings or Kenma's and I am very sorry for that." There was nothing else he could do other than apologize, he lowers his head as low as possible to demonstrate his shame to Kuroo.

"I was an idiot! A damn idiot! How could I not realize you were that 'friend'? It was fun, wasn't it? Waiting for the perfect opportunity for me to leave so you can have Kenma just for yourself...."

"No!" He shakes his head desperately. "It wasn’t like that, I promise you I didn't want it to be like that. I just wanted to know, I had to get out of the doubt... I was tearing up my heart trying to find the correct answer, I didn't want it to get that far, I just wanted to tell him how I really felt. "

Kuroo makes his hands into fists and walks a few steps towards him. "I was here being honest with you and probably you was just laughing in the inside. Fuck you, Akaashi!"

"Noo" he says quickly. "I, ehhh, I decided not to tell you the truth in that moment, because I still needed time to think things over. It hurt to know everything you told me, especially after learning that our cases were so similar... I umm nobody knows, my parents would kill me, I'm so sorry Kuroo, I'm sorry for not being brave like you. I didn't want to hurt you, sorry." His voice sounded just as broken as Kuroo's.

His friend was frowning, looking down at the floor with irritation. "Since when? Since when do you like Kenma?"

He gulps. "Since I noticed him, two months after the school year started. I- Kuroo I was planning to confess to him, I was going to tell him everything on our graduation day and -" He could no longer fight the tears that came out of his eyes. "I love him, I love him Kuroo, and then I found out that your damn letters were really for him... Every time I wrote those letters I was thinking about Kenma and I can't believe, I still can't believe that they really ended up with him, but now it's you who he wants... "

Kuroo wasn't looking at him, his head was down and his hands were trembling at his side. "Why didn’t you tell me?" He says in a soft voice.

"How would that have changed anything? Would you have given up on trying to be with him? Would you have done it Kuroo?"

Their eyes meet, their bright eyes looked at him sadly. "No" he says without adding more It wasn’t really necessary.

"I wanted to hate you Kuroo, I wanted to hate you so that everything would be easier, but I couldn't ... I can't."

"I understand you" he says with a shrug. He advances to his couch and collapses on it. "I think I would have done the same, all is fair in love and war."

Keiji slowly walks towards him waiting for Kuroo's confirmation to sit next to him. "Trust me, it didn't feel so good knowing it would hurt you."

"I hope so" Kuroo was fiddling with his fingers "Did you figure it out the day of the party?"

He nods "I actually felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it sooner, we were eating a damn apple pie when my brain decided to solve everything."

Kuroo laughs bitterly. "It wasn’t my intention for this to happen."

Keiji puts his hands on his face trying to cover his shame. "Neither was mine."

"Did you tell him everything? I haven't spoken to him yet, I just read what he wrote me, I'm actually afraid to talk to him." Kuroo sounded more relaxed.

"My plan was just to confess, but I couldn't. I couldn't get the words out of my mouth, so I kissed him without telling him my true feelings but-"

“...”

"You kissed him?"

Keiji spread his fingers over his face just enough to poke an eye out wishing he hadn't.

"YOU KISSED HIM?!"

"Ehhh yes, we kissed, well I started it all b- but I thought you already knew that."

Kuroo stands up from the couch and starts walking in circles. "NOT THAT YOU KISSED HIM!" He was muttering something, but didn’t understand what he was saying. "Kenma talked to me by message, I saw it this morning and he was asking me about what I wrote in the email, by his words I could imagine what it was and there I understood everything, later he told me that you had talked, but not that you had kissed." Kuroo was clenching his jaw and the muscles in his body looked tense. He clenched his fists in such a way that it seemed as if he wanted to break something, hopefully not someone.

"You're a fucking hypocrite, did you know that? Speaking of all that shit about being honest, but pretending to be me the minute I turned around, I wouldn't be surprised to see a knife in there."

"I know," he did knew, he knew he was a hypocrite, a traitor, a horrible friend, and a bad person. "I know what I did was wrong."

"I don't know how I fell for that innocent act of yours. Wow Akaashi, just wow. Congratulations on playing the perfect victim role." He moved his hands in front of him emphasizing each word. "Don't even think about approaching Kenma now, if you have a minimum, a minimum of respect for us! Then just stay away, stay away from our lives."

Keiji stands ignoring the slight trembling of his legs. "Don't even think about it, don't think I won't tell Kenma what we did. Yes, what we did, because we both did it, so don't blame me for everything."

Kuroo approached dangerously too close to him, his face was in front of him and he no longer saw sympathy in his eyes. "You wouldn't dare, if you do it then you will lose him too. At least before you had a chance of his forgiveness, after all you didn't know it was him the one you were writing to... but what do you think Kenma will do when he finds out that you pretended to be me? He'll know that you took advantage of him and his feelings. He'll never forgive you and you know it, not after what you did. "

His words were full of poison, but they were true. Before he had a small chance, Kuroo had more blame than him and there might be a chance of being forgiven after telling him the excuse that he would never have done it if he knew Kenma was involved. But now... now he had done the same as Kuroo and had done something even worse, he was aware of his actions and used the information Kenma gave him to make sure his feelings were reciprocated. Would he have dared to kiss Kenma without knowing his feelings for him?

He was trapped and Kuroo knew it, he could almost see the triumphant smile on his face, but he would not give him the satisfaction. No matter how much Kenma will hate him, he would tell him the truth.

"Maybe he won't, but that’s his decision."

He walks up to the door and opens it pointing with his hand for Kuroo to get out. "I promised you that I would wait and now is the time, if you want you can go with me or not, I will not say anything bad about you, just the truth and I will try not to make look bad, in the end it was just a dumb thing you made for love."

Kuroo walks towards the door and looks at him from head to toe. "As if I'd let you talk to him alone again, I can't trust you anymore."

If before walking with Kenma in complete silence was bad, now being next to Kuroo receiving hateful looks was horrible. He already assumed that Kenma would hate him, it hurt him to lose Kuroo too. An empty seat was between them. He send a message to Kenma to know if he was home and asked if he could go, he answered yes, both times. When he showed it to Kuroo, he didn't give him any response.

One again he was going to Kenma's house to confess something with his mind completely blank, he was much more afraid this time. But he didn't want to show his nervousness with Kuroo, although inside he was asking himself thousands of questions. Kuroo was no better than him, he looked nervous and angry at the same time, occasionally they would crossed their eyes and he gave him a murderous look when he could.

The two walk slowly to his home, he felt a pain in his chest with each step he took. Also, he didn't like that Kuroo knew Kenma's address. What shall we say first? He wanted to ask his ex-friend. He had no idea what to say. 

Apologize first, explain it after, apologize again… sounds like a good plan.

They were in front of Kenma's door and none of them was making any movement. He was already regretting it, he wanted to run. _Let's go_ , he wanted to tell Kuroo, and apparently the boy was saying the same thing with a desperate look. He nods and they both turn around, they were cowards.

He hears Kenma’s door open.

"Keiji?"

Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

He turns around and Kenma was frowning at them, his expression changing to pure shock at seeing Kuroo's face. He sees how his mouth opens and closes, his golden eyes widened in surprise.

"Kenma, there is something we need to tell you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAA This is my favorite chapter of the whole story, so I really really hope you liked it!!
> 
> Just 3 more chapters…. I can't believe we are almost done. Please let me know what you think about the story or how you think it will end. I really want to know your theories 👀👀
> 
> Kudos and comments are my fuel❤❤ and your comments really make my day, don’t be shy.
> 
> Let’s interact on [Twitter!!](https://twitter.com/ReadsVale)


	15. Just a spectator

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!!

No one said a word, they were just standing looking at each other. Kenma is playing with the sleeve of his hoodie and he was hiding behind the strands of his hair.

Maybe he was thinking that they were here to confront him, he didn't want him to feel embarrassed, so he's the one who speaks first.

"Kenma, I don't want you to think we're here to-"

"Kenma, Akaashi pretended to be me when he talked to you in the email when I was not in the city. "

"WHAT?" he knew he couldn't trust Kuroo. Kenma looks up and looks directly at his eyes, waiting for an answer with a raised eyebrow. "No, well yes, but it wasn’t like that, I- I just wanted to make sure ehhh."

The plan, follow the plan.

"Kenma I-" the blond kept looking at him. No, analyzing him to find out if he was telling the truth. "Forgive me, I didn't know what was going through my head during that moment, I ummm well, I did know but... sorry, I didn't want to take advantage of your trust."

"What?" he hears Kenma say softly. "What are you talking about?"

"He got into our email account and talked to you so you could be together."

Kenma looks at him again, turns his head to look at Kuroo and once again at him.

"I - it wasn't like that, I didn't want it to happen like that" Well fuck the plan to protect Kuroo's feelings. "It was his fault!" He points his finger at Kuroo. "He never told me it was you and I panicked, I didn't know what else to do."

Kenma had his eyebrows knitted together and his mouth wide open. "W-What? What are you talking about? How do you know each other?"

"Kuroo hired-"

"No! Stop it, don't say it" Kuroo approaches him and puts a hand on his shoulder squeezing hard, his expression screamed desperation.

He feels for him, he really feels sorry for both of them. "He hired me to-" He felt a force in his chest before falling to the floor.

"Kuroo!" He hears Kenma yell.

That little push hurt his dignity more than his body, Kenma approaches him to help him stand, he accepts his hand more than happy, if he saw Kuroo as a wild animal, it would be better for him. But Kuroo’s face only showed remorse, he extended his hand but didn't accept it.

"I’m s- sorry Akaashi, I shouldn't have done that. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I-"

"What's going on?" They both turn to see Kenma. "What are you doing here? What are you both doing here?"

No one of them said anything.

"Keiji?"

Why does he have to ask me? "We came here because we want to tell you something, Kenma we umm made a mistake." He didn't want to do it anymore, he couldn't tell him, not while looking him in the eye.

"What the fuck were you talking about? Huh? What was that about pretending to be him?" Kenma's voice was increasing in volume and his body was rigid next to him.

He crosses a glance with Kuroo. "A few months ago Kuroo hired my services to write some letters-"

"Aaah Kenma, I did it... I did it because I didn't know how else to get close to you, I was desperate and I didn't see any other option. I thought that if I used better words, better phrases, I could be with you."

Kuroo was standing in front of them, his voice sounded in pure distress and he kept running his hand through his messy hair. "He’s right, he just wanted another way to talk to you and he approached me, I had no idea that it was you Kenma, I thought, I don't know, that it was some girl, so I kept doing it -".

"But I... I wrote them too! I contributed a little and then we stopped, I told him that I didn't want to do it anymore and that I wanted to stop with this ..."

"He told me that after your first date, it wasn’t that long ago.”

"What do you mean? That was months ago, most of the emails were mine."

Keiji rolls his eyes. "After I taught you how to write! And you sucked doing it, all the nice words came from me. Kenma, they were mine."

"What's your fucking problem? You didn't even know they were for him, they were shallow words, it was just another job for you, you didn't even care what was on the paper. You only cared about the money I was giving you!"

"Because it was just a job! I never would have done it if I knew it was him. You were the one who lied from the start."

"I know, I know. But don't play innocent, since you did the exact same thing, you used my name to pretend to be me and get close to him. Maybe you did it more than once, using my name to talk to him.”

"BECAUSE YOU GAVE IT TO ME! You said I should talk in the email and I refused, I wanted to end it."

"And what made you change your mind? Huh? Some coins." He can see Kuroo’s veins almost popping out of his neck and he is showing his teeth in every word he says. "But you keep doing it anyway and how long did it take to convince you? Two days? Three?"

"Because I wanted to help you!"

"You were bored. Wasn't that what you told me Akaashi?"

"Shut up!" He was making him seem like the bad guy here. "I put my heart into those letters... although it may not seem true to you, but what I wrote was true, I did think of Kenma every time I wrote them. What did you do? You waited all day by your phone screen for someone else to do what you could not, like a privileged idiot waiting for someone to do everything for you. "

"They were false words! Don't come at me with that bullshit, you were just telling him what anyone would like to hear." Kuroo pointed a finger at him. "It was just one more job for you, you didn't care what Kenma answered, if you had, you would have realized who he really was way sooner."

Maybe there was a bit of truth in his words, if he had been more interested in the job, he would have tied up the loose ends a long time ago, but that was not the point. "It was just one more job because I didn't know it was Kenma, you were the one who lied to him, the one who lied to me, only lies came out of your mouth."

"Don't you dare question my feelings for Kenma! You were the one with the lies, after all I paid you to do that, or are you going to deny it?"

"IN THE BEGINNING! Then I wrote down what I really felt, what I didn't dare say to Kenma in the face."

"You did it for the money!"

"I did it because I thought you were my friend! I wanted to help you..." Enough is enough, he is sick of seeing Kuroo Tetsurou's face. He approaches him and with his hands pushes Kuroo's shoulders, but he doesn't move an inch. "Make yourself responsible for your own actions, you coward piece of shit."

"Did you just push me?" Kuroo tilts his head and approaches him. "The only coward here is you."

It was true.

"All you do is-" He hears a sob, he turns around quickly, Kenma is crying behind them. A heart-rending noise was coming out from his throat, his hands were clinging to his hoodie sleeve and tears were falling from his golden eyes.

"Kenma" Kuroo and him say at the same time.

"Get out." Kenma is no longer looking at them. "Get out of my house."

Now he has a lump in his throat and a strong pain in his chest. "Kenma forgive me, I didn't want this to happen... I didn't know anything, if I-"

"Akaashi" his voice was raspy and he had an expression of pure hatred on his face. "Get out of my house now."

He had never heard Kenma like this before, he feels a slight grip on his arm, Kuroo is squeezing him. The two walk towards the door without saying anything. The last thing he sees of Kenma is his hand slamming the door.

He couldn’t even explain everything he wanted to explain, he couldn’t tell him how sorry he was, he couldn't confess his love to him.

He wandered around with Kuroo through the city without saying anything to each other, it was getting dark and he felt that he couldn’t breathe due to the oppressive heat, he touched his forehead and he was burning, probably he would get a fever later.

The two of them are dragging their feet aimlessly, he isn't looking at Kuroo in the eye, but he could hear his irregular breathing. His sight is getting blurry by his watery eyes, but he doesn't want to let a single tear escape him, not in front of him.

"Sorry for pushing you Akaashi." Kuroo says suddenly as they walk. He moves his head a little to look at him, but he is't doing it either.

"Me too, sorry for letting you get on my nerves."

It was almost dusk when they arrived at the station, they didn't say goodbye, they only walked away from each other's direction. When he sits leaning his head against the window hoping to get home as soon as possible, he checks his cell phone by inertia, he doesn't receive any message from Kenma on the way home.

He had ruined it, he had ruined everything. He didn't even know what to do anymore ... What am I supposed to do? Insist on Kenma to speak to him? Give him space? There were only three weeks of school left, after that there would be no excuse to see each other faces.

He wishes that the three weeks never pass.

Nor does he speak to Kuroo, he no longer speaks to anyone. It was just like when the year started. He himself reached to this point, the decisions he made and those he did not, it all led him to this very same moment. Him locked himself in his room listening to a playlist of sad music while crying. It's been a long time since he had cried so much, he thought he was going to get dehydrated with so many tears that he had spilled.

He doesn’t even bother to wipe away the tears, he just rubs his face a few times on his pillow to wipe his nose, he doesn't feel like moving a finger.

Surely Kenma was also crying alone in his room, thinking the worst things about him, thinking about how he betrayed him. He hopes Kenma’s parents come home soon, they will cheer him up, cook his favorite food, no. They would go buy an apple pie at the coffee shop that they like so much that’s only a couple of blocks away from their home, they would stay playing a video game with him that is suitable for three people, they would give him permission to skip school tomorrow and they would fill him with kisses, hugs and love.

He deserves a day off, he says to himself when he wakes up the next morning with a throbbing pain in his head and puffy eyes. It’s his first absence in three years without justification.

He couldn't escape forever, someday he will have to face Kenma, and he still has a lot to say to him. He wouldn't want to see him, he surely hates him and it will only end up hurting him more. He would have to be buried alongside his feelings deep in his heart one day. Maybe he can send him a message to apologize to him, it’s the perfect excuse to not see his face, but a simple message was just too low, he needs something more formal, something where he could fully express himself.

He gets up from his bed still wrapped in his blanket and goes to sit at his desk chair and he looks on his laptop for the folder that he had so many times opened in fear of writing down what he felt. Akaashi always thought that it would be a letter confessing his love and now it turns out that it would be a letter imploring his forgiveness, perhaps he could express the love he still feels for him at the end.

This time it was easier to write everything that was in his head, feeling a little bit of anguish inspired him for a ridiculous reason. Maybe he could write a letter to Kuroo too if he was successful with this one.

  
  


_ "Kenma,  _

_ First of all, I want to tell you that I am very sorry for what I have done and for this reason I am writing this letter to you, because apologizing or anything that involves talking about my feelings, are better for me to convey on paper and this way I can be sure that you will understand everything by reading it as many times as necessary. I think I have spent too many nights without really resting and now my brain is already playing tricks on me, but I still have enough lucidity to write these lines in which I promise that I am giving my whole heart hoping that you will forgive me. I am so sorry that I disappointed you, and to be honest I don't really know how to give you all the explanations, nor do I know how to apologize to you. _

_ However, I do perfectly know that I did something wrong, that I made a horrible mistake, that I betrayed the trust you had placed in me and that I broke what we had built. But the reasons why I did it or, rather, the only reason, that led me to disappoint you. It was fear. _

_ I was so afraid that you wouldn't love me the same way I did, the way I still do. And I was afraid of something even worse, which was to lose your friendship if I revealed my true feelings to you. I did not become aware of the damage I was doing to you, not only about the day when we kissed, but also from the beginning, when I started writing the letters. _

_ I know that right now, you must be hurt, angry, feeling betrayed and I completely understand that. You have every right to feel this way, about me and with Kuroo. Believe me, it was never my intention to hurt you, that's the last thing I wanted to do, and Kuroo must feel in the same way, he never wanted to hurt you. I think there is no way to justify such an act, about what we did, so I will not try to do so. But our purpose was never to harm you, on the contrary, we only wanted your love and we did not think about the consequences of our stupids mistakes. Sometimes things are complicated or we complicate it ourselves without realizing it, we never wanted to lie or deceive you, but I think we were not capable enough to act otherwise. The cowardly path, I know. _

_ Perhaps I should have just taken a leap of faith a long time ago and saved ourselves from the suffering in our hearts right now. If only I had not silenced my feelings... The truth is that it was a surprise for me to discover that my feelings for you had grown so much in such a short time, I could not stop thinking about you for a single moment of the day, your eyes, your face, your smile, the sound of your laughter, the soft sound of your voice, I don't know how I didn't realize before that I loved you, if every time I thought of you a stupid smile was formed on my face. Instead of telling you, I just kept quiet, drowning each time with my hidden feelings and settling for just imagining what could happen as a nice dream that I didn't want to wake up from. So much was my fear of being honest not only with you, but with myself, that I preferred to stuck them in my chest. _

_ I know that just the flow of my words right now can hardly change your mood, and that we will need more than this letter to solve these problems. What I have done, I cannot even forgive myself, for having let my weakness destroy your trust in me. I don't even have a clue on how to repair that damage, but I am willing to work on it and repair and care for our relationship. Because now I am finally clear about who I want to be and what I really want in life. Because if I am sure of anything at the moment, if my mistake has been of any use, it is to know what I want and what I do not want. I love you Kenma and I don't want to lose you. _

_ This apology or love letter or whatever it means to you, I hope it is enough to convince you to agree to talk with me. I need it. We need it. I do not want this to end here, but I understand that you need a moment for yourself and I promise that I will give you the time you deem necessary and I will carry within me the firm commitment to regain your trust. _

_ I hope someday you can forgive me. _

_ I love you. _

_ Akaashi Keiji." _

  
  


He looks at his schedule in case he has something pending to deliver and seeing that he was free he decides to miss the next day to school as well. He calls Kenma's favorite bakery to order something, he needs to go prepared.

He wakes up early that day, to makes sure his appearance look flawless, he rehearses his speech in front of his mirror all morning, and goes to Kenma's house to wait for him when he gets out of school with a heavy envelope in his hand and a box with a family size apple pie in the other.

He doesn't know if Kenma went to school or not, so he waits half an hour before their last period just in case. No one opens it for him... Perhaps he still hasn't arrived, he sits on the steps outside stretching his legs, his eyes are close and he repeats the words over and over in his head so as not to forget them clinging to the envelope in his hand.

His breathing stops when he feels a presence in front of him, he opens his eyes too afraid of looking up, he sees a large shadow and exhales softly before raising his head. Kuroo Tetsurou was in front of him with a red box in his hands that it smelled suspiciously of apples.

"What are you doing here?"

Keiji sighs in relief. "I came to apologize to Kenma, I guess you came to do the same thing."

"You didn't go to class." Kuroo looked him in the eye.

"No, I didn't." He was playing with his feet moving them from side to side. "Did you see Kenma there?"

"Just from afar, he didn't want to see me judging by his face." Long minutes pass when Kuroo speaks to him again. "Is that an apple pie?"

"Yes, from his favorite bakery and is a family size." He says in a challenging tone.

"Surely he will like it, but ... Don't you think he'll appreciate the effort of doing it yourself more?" he responds in the same way.

The bastard made his own apple pie... He beat him, he won Kenma. I hope it turns out inedible. "I think he will appreciate the flavor."

The two of them waited in complete silence, he was moving his feet nervously and started clutching the letter tighter, Kuroo was playing with a stone on the ground. After about ten minutes or so they see a car park in front of them, Keiji gets up immediately. 120 seconds pass when the doors open, it was Kenma's mother next to him. The two walk towards them.

He and Kuroo make a small bow at the same time as they greet Mrs. Kozume, she coldly nods at them with her head before entering the house. but not without first dedicating a long look at Kenma. He would also have to write a letter to Kenma’s parents so they can forgive him.

"What do you want?"

"I came here to talk to you Kenma, I don't know what Kuroo is really doing here, he arrived after." The tall man gives him an ugly look.

"Kozume" ouch.

"Kozume, I came here because I want to apologize properly. Look!" He extends the large box with his arms. "I bought you an apple pie, it's from your favorite bakery and I managed to convince them to make it bigger than normal."

Kenma was looking at him with an icy stare.

"I- I also came to apologize, I know what I did was super messed up and I need to talk to you or at least convince you to listen to me. I also brought you an apple pie, but I did it myself, I promise you it’s delicious."

Kenma moves his head to look at Kuroo giving him the same cold stare.

They both had their hands outstretched waiting for any response from Kenma. When he feels that he cannot longer bear to see his golden eyes filled with fury, he positions the box on the steps.

"Ke-Kozume I also wrote you this, I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I would like you to read it so you can know what I really feel, you don't have to tell me anything back, I just want you to know."

Kenma arches an eyebrow and laughs bitterly.

"Are you serious?"

He didn't know what to answer. He was being serious, but judging by his tone and his expression, the blond didn't like his idea one bit. Kenma reaches out and receives the letter, he was afraid he would read it out loud in front of Kuroo. He holds it tightly in his hand and frowns his face.

"I don't want your disgusting letter." Kenma tears the letter in two and after that, he tears it again creating small pieces of paper that softly fall to the ground.

Good thing he has a backup on his computer.

"Be a man and say it to my face, Keiji."

He looks at him with his mouth wide open. He couldn't confess now, he couldn't apologize after what he did, he was more nervous than ever and the time wasn’t the right. What is the use of telling him everything that is stuck in his chest if it will not be well received?

Kenma stares at him with his hands on his hips clearly waiting for his response, he turns to see Kuroo who was looking anywhere but the scene in front of him.

"You can't hide behind your letters forever, right? So tell me, look me in the eye and tell me."

He gulps, maybe if he recites the letter exactly as he had written it... He doesn't remember it, he doesn't remember any words in fact, his brain short circuited, he had to say something, anything...

Kenma is still waiting, he is looking at him closely but his expression does not look angry anymore, he looks hurt. His eyes are bright due to the tears that he is probably refusing to spill and he is biting his bottom lip, he couldn't look at him without his face turning red with embarrassment, so he slowly lowers his gaze to entertain himself by looking at his shoes.

"Fine." He says before turning to see Kuroo.

It wasn't his fault that his body didn't respond to him, he wanted to tell him, he really wanted to tell him, his heart screamed for telling him, but he just couldn't now, the lump in his throat wouldn't let him. That was the difference between him and Kuroo, Kuroo risks for what he wants, while he was just a coward.

"Kenma, my feelings towards you have only grown more and more, I just didn't know how to start talking to you, I needed help and I know what I did was horrible, but I didn't see any other option, I couldn’t see beyond being able to get you to answer me and then everything went to hell afterwards. I couldn't stop, I didn't want to risk losing you after finally being able to reach you. But what I feel for you is real, give me one more chance to prove it to you, please. We will write our own letters. " 

That was good, it wasn’t a perfect apology, but it was something. Where did he get it from? Who did Kuroo pay for those words? He wanted to tell him that but he couldn't. Kuroo was looking at Kenma with a unique sparkle in his eyes and with a bit of hope, he didn't want to be the one to end that hope, besides Kenma was looking at him in the same way. He feels like just a spectator of zero importance in someone else's love story. Kenma slowly approaches Kuroo.

How was he going to get him back if he was never his?

They would be happy, he knew Kuroo would never do something stupid enough again to risk losing Kenma, the two of them could get move forward this. Kenma would forgive him and leave all of this behind by burying him in the past, himself included. They were not the most similar people but the opposites attract each other, they would make it work, they will complement each other. They deserve to be together, they deserve to be happy, the two love each other and he was the only one interfering in their love.

But he wants Kenma, he wants to be with him and have a future with him, he wants to know everything that he is still missing and discover things together about each other, he wants to kiss his soft lips over and over again, run his hand through his hair and caress it, see his big smile when he pass a difficult level in a video game that had taken him weeks to do so, he wants to see Kenma’s expression when he finally beats him at Mario Kart, he wants him to read his stories and answer all his questions of a complex plot, he wants to write something new so Kenma could be the first to read it, he wants to sleep next to him and wake up next to him, he wants to send messages to each other whenever they are apart, he wants Kenma.

How selfish could he be? He also wants Kuroo. He doesn't want to lose his friendship, he doesn't want to hurt him, he wants to talk about this and just laugh at the way they met one day , maybe in about forty more years, he wants him to be happy.

But as he said... he is selfish.

Wasn't that how love was supposed to be? Selfish? He had read it before without really understanding or caring about it, but now he wanted to be selfish and sacrifice the love of Kenma and Kuroo for his own benefit, perhaps he was a bad person after all.

Kenma himself had once told him that he should stop settling just for being afraid and that for once in his life he should think only about himself, that he needs to be selfish. He has to take a risk.

"Or you could keep writing with me."

He can feel Kuroo turning around to look at him, but he doesn’t care, he is just looking at Kenma’s golden eyes.

"How we were doing it at the beginning, we can continue with that, I will be true to my feelings and I- I will not hide anymore, I will tell you everything from now on. I will tell you how you stole my heart for a while now, how my heartbeat accelerates everytime I see you, how I dream with your eyes... I want you to give me the opportunity to be able to tell you all, Kenma."

The boy he loves is in front of him looking at him intensely, he sees him blink a few times as he approaches him.

"You lied to me, you both lied to me," Kenma is looking at him and Kuroo.

"And now you come here as if nothing had happened demanding me to choose one of you, not even two days have passed. I still don't understand what fucked up deal you two did to make fun of me. No! don’t look at me like that, that's what you did after all, you made fun of me, while I did everything in my power not to let me like you because... because I knew it, I knew that something bad was going to come out of this, it was just too good,too perfect, but I ignored it. I Ignore it and I let myself get out of my comfort zone to know you and now look, look what I accomplished." Kenma is not crying, but the tears are in his eyes about to come out and his voice trembles with every word.

"I just managed to get hurt. How do you want me to trust you again? How do you want me to trust someone again? You don't know what I suffered, what I'm still suffering, the only two people I've ever opened up to. Do you have any idea what you did to me? How I feel? The worst thing is that I lost you both, the only people I had as friends. "

He knows that it’s not the perfect time to speak, it was unfair, this should never have happened and now Kenma was suffering. Maybe it was too soon, but he would come back, he won't give up that easy, he would give Kenma his space first.

"I'm so sorry," is all he says to him, because it's the best thing he can say right now.

"Kenma, it doesn't have to be like this, we could-" Kuroo tries to tell him before Kenma interrupts him.

"Please, ju- just don't talk to me again, if you have a shred of human decency left in you, then leave me alone. I don't want to know anything, not from your damn emails, or letters, or messages, not even from your mouths, just leave me, please just leave me alone." Kenma walks to his house and opens the door, he stands for a second waiting holding the door open in his hand, he hears him sigh before speaking again.

"And take that with you, I don't want it." With that, he closes the door, leaving them both out of the life of Kozume Kenma.

Keiji slowly bends down to pick up the apple pie box and the little shredded papers left of his letter that are lying in the garden. He feels his vision getting blurry when the tears accumulate in his eyes, Kuroo bends down next to him to help him collect the missing remains.

The two walked to a nearby park and sat on the first bench they saw. They waited a few minutes in complete silence, the day was warm and he could hear in the distance the barking of a dog playing with its owner, near them were children playing on the swings in front of them, their laughter echoing in their ears.

"You want some?"

Kuroo offers him the apple pie in his lap.

"Okay."

They don't have anything to cut the pie, so he does it by hand, letting out a few small pieces of apple on the plate, the piece looks horribly cut but he still accepts it in his hand. Kuroo takes another piece for him. It looks delicious, the color is perfect, the smell is perfect, the texture is perfect, Kuroo really outdid himself in the kitchen, there he demonstrated how much he could do for a person he loves, Kuroo can’t even cook to save his life, but here he is with a perfect apple pie in his hand... for his bad or good fortune he hadn't decided yet. He was right.

It was inedible.

He delicately takes it out of his mouth just three seconds after tasting it, it was extremely sweet, he almost got dizzy with so much sugar that he had just tasted and at the same time he could taste the apple being incredibly sour.

He tries to be not so obvious so as not to hurt Kuroo's feelings, but the moment he puts it in his mouth, he spits it out on the ground.

“Shit… and this was my fifth try.”

"Maybe he would have liked it, Kenma likes sweet things."

"Nor is it my intention to kill him with diabetes."

He tries to smile, but only manages to make a slight grimace.

"If you want we can eat mine."

He leaves the piece on Kuroo’s plate and opens his own perfectly decorated box, the pie looks amazing. He slowly reaches out to cut it but doesn't know if Kuroo would like to eat it after touching it all with his hands and doesn't want to get his hands dirty either.

"I’ll do it." Kuroo manages to destroy the apple pie to eat it, this time is harder for him because it was thicker and had more padding.

The two of them eat the dessert in complete silence, at least it removed the bad taste of Kuroo’s apple pie from his mouth. It was delicious, although he found it hard to swallow each piece due to the pain in his throat and he didn't have much of an appetite, the knot in his stomach gets bigger and bigger.

And still, they eat another piece each.

"What are we going to do?" Kuroo asks when they finish eating.

Keiji shrugs.

"Do you think he will ever forgive us?"

He shrugs again.

"Do you hate me?"

He shrugs again, but after a few seconds he lifts his head, they were both idiots, especially Kuroo, but he definitely didn't hate him, he couldn't. It was just someone who fell in love with the same person as him and someone who had just made a mistake.

"No, do you hate me?"

"No," he says immediately. "I just want to insult you a little bit, but it's probably just myself that I'm mad at."

"Try a mirror."

"I’m sorry this happened, something that hurts me as much as losing Kenma, is losing your friendship too Akaashi, although if Kenma had chosen me I wouldn’t have cared that much, well... not at first."

That does make him laugh, he was thinking exactly the same. "I'm also sorry this happened, I should have told you sooner."

Kuroo sighs and crosses his arm. "Hmmm I think I would have kept the secret too and as I told you before, I understand you so I hope you can understand me too. "

"Understand that we are both assholes?"

"Exactly."

The two of them said things that they really didn't want to say because of the heat of the moment the other day, if it was anyone else it would be easy to hate, but it was Kuroo and he understood him more than he wanted to understand him. There was no need to apologize, they both already knew, after all, they were both going to fight for Kenma with everything they had.

"I never asked you... how did your match go?"

Kuroo smiles softly. "First place."

"Really? Did you won?"

Kuroo looks at him and nods. "It was crazy, I really enjoyed it."

"I'm glad, congratulations on the victory."

"Thank you."

Without saying anything further, the two walk to the station not before going to a market to wash their hands. He felt sorry for Kuroo when he threw his apple pie in the trash... all his effort just for nothing.

"Akaashi? Ummm if you need to talk to someone, I wouldn't mind listening to you, I promise I won't sell your secrets or anything and well uhh although I was a complete idiot, you can count on me... from now on."

Did he trust Kuroo Tetsurou? A little, but maybe someday they could become what they used to be before. The two of them could share their strategies on how to live without Kenma and he likes the idea of not being completely alone.

"You too, if you have any idea on how to survive from this, don't be shy and just tell me."

Kuroo lets out a snort. "I'll try to find the answer, but don't get your hopes up."

He sees how Kuroo Tetsurou walks away. He is glad to know that at least their friendship was salvageable. After all, he had been an important person in his life, he would like to be able to call him his friend again someday and vice versa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know one of the most important things in this story are the letters. And I kinda left them out because I was too indecisive. I felt a little bad for Kenma, because I could literally imagine him reading the letters Akaashi wrote for him thinking it was Kuroo and him being all happy and in love... and I just couldn't do it (I'm so so weak). So I deleted them from my fic and I really tried to keep the letters light and simple. Somehow, reading the letters from the beginning of the story made me angrier with Kuroo and Akaashi and it was harder to forgive them for what they did. And I really like the idea that the only letter that we could actually read, is the letter when Akaashi is finally honest with himself and puts all his feelings raw for Kenma to read.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! I feel so bad for Kenma :( there’s still 2 chapters more, sooooo what do you think will happen? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀  
> You can leave a comment or you can talk to me on [my Twitter!!](https://twitter.com/ReadsVale)
> 
> Kudos and comments are my fuel❤❤


	16. Farewell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!

He wishes for the last three weeks of school to be over soon as possible.

He could no longer bear to see how Kenma ignores him. It hurts to see him arrive on Monday and walk past him to sit in the seat behind him, he didn’t want to speak to him because he wanted to give him his space and was planning on respecting that. At lunchtime he had to settle for eating in his own classroom, he could no longer go to their place, he couldn't do that to Kenma.

Since his business was closed now, no one bothered to talk to him anymore and his chat was completely empty. Once, when he left class he saw Kuroo, he softly waved his hand to him, he answered him back.

Once a day, just before bed, he would text with Kuroo to ask him how he was, the two talked a little, it was a short and friendly conversation, nothing more.

Sometimes he cried when he thought about the situation with Kenma, he missed him, he missed his friend and he missed what they could have become. Friday was the worst day for him, it was his day with Kenma, he still had his old console so he played a couple of hours alone at his house. Four days ago he had sent a message to Kenma asking if he wanted it back, although the blond insisted on giving it to him, but it was just an excuse to talk. Kenma never answered him, worst of all, he realized he had blocked his number.

He spent his days devastated, at school he didn’t speak to anyone and at home he didn’t speak to anyone either. Before the beginning of the school year, he used to be like this every day, but now that he had experienced what it was like to have a friend, it was no longer the same. He longed for how his life was just a month ago. He takes the opportunity of continuing writing some stories, having a broken heart inspired him, and he also liked to occupy his mind with something else.

But always before sleeping and after talking to Kuroo, his mind couldn't help but think about Kenma. He wondered how he was, if he still hated him, if playing video games distracted him, if he would see him happy again, if he would ever hear his soft voice calling his name again.

It is difficult for him to fall asleep, he had to remove all his old stars that were stuck to the ceiling because they were distracting him a lot and when he was about to throw them, he felt a pain in his chest, so he decided to keep them in a small box inside his closet. He has to listen to classical music to relax and after about two hours after his usual bedtime, he finally manages to dream sweetly, well... on the best days. His mistakes torments him, giving him horrible nightmares. 

The worst thing is that now he also wakes up earlier, sometimes up to an hour and a half before the sound of his alarm, although he had learned to take advantage of the situation. Now he goes out every day without fail to go for a jog. He had read some research stating that taking afternoon naps was actually good for his health and comforting for the mind and body. So now he takes a nap every day in the afternoon to counteract the hours of sleep he loses at night.

His parents had caught him a couple of times sleeping in the afternoon, they had scolded him for being lazy but he didn't care much, he got up from the couch to just simply go to sleep in his bed. They didn’t even ask him how he was, his mood had changed or that was what he believed, he was feeling down and didn’t feel like doing anything, and his parents had told him absolutely nothing. It hurt him a little to be honest, he had never really cared before, he was aware that their relationship was not the best, he would define it as effective. But now he needed someone, someone to listen to him, someone to advise him, someone who cares. His parents are not that someone.

His parents stayed all weekend and he didn't feel like being locked up at home with them, so he goes out in the morning to wander around the city. He visits different stores to pass the time, he even goes to the movies alone. It was an action movie that Kuroo kept talking about, it was a waste of time, he doesn't know why he decided to see it if Kuroo had practically narrated the entire movie for him. All the plot twists that should leave you open-mouthed, he already knew them, at least he enjoyed the popcorn.

He walks around the city trying not to think about Kenma, but everything he sees reminds him of him. He passes by a video game store and enters only to recall his moments with the blond, there were thousands of figures of game characters that now he did recognize, they would look so good in Kenma’s collection. Later he goes to a hair salon where the model in the showcase had a hairstyle similar to Kenma's but more professional made. Kenma had told him one day that his roots were already showing, which he completely agreed, but still liked his hair anyway, he was not sure whether to return to his natural color or retouch his blond roots. He liked both options but he had mentioned that he would do it before graduation because his parents wanted a good photo of him, he asked him if he wanted to go with him to the hairdresser, he obviously answered yes immediately, Kenma had asked him if he was sure, since the process was slow and tedious. “I still want to go with you Kenma.” He had said to him.

Now he will never go with him, he will not be the first to see the result and he will not be able to tell him how good or how beautiful he looks. I hope he doesn’t go alone. He enters a small place to have lunch and he sits alone at the back while playing the game he used to play with Kenma on his cell phone, sometimes he sees him online playing, so he usually plays more throughout the day in case he sees him. He stares at the screen for a while without success.

He spends most of the day in a bookstore where he buys a couple of volumes of a manga, With his purchases on his backpack, he goes to a library where he stays the rest of the day reading covering them with a different book cover. Unfortunately there is nothing useful there to help him with his problem about Kenma, they are all very happy stories, everything goes well for the protagonist, suddenly he makes a small mistake which is not serious at all, but his love interest exaggerates it to such an extent of telling him that they will never be together again. Oh please! She will forgive him on the last page. He was a little tired of stories that always end with a happy ending and about the fact they are completely unrealistic, but every time he read a character making a cute gesture for his better half, it made him formed a smile on his face and feel a little tickle in his stomach, even if it was the dumbest and corny scene he'd ever read.

It was already dark when he decided to walk home, probably tomorrow he would take the same route as today to entertain himself. He was a little hungry, he hopes his mother had left him something for dinner. When he gets home, he sees his parents sitting in the dining room, they were not having dinner but they were drinking a glass of wine, it was unusual, something out of the ordinary had happened.

"I'm home." He says in a clear voice approaching them.

"Welcome, son," his father says cheerfully.

"Welcome home."

He didn’t know what they were doing and didn’t care that much honestly, he would come down to eat later. He goes directly to the stairs, but hears his mother calling for him.

"Yes?"

"Why don't you sit with us for a moment?"

Okay, now it was weird. He sits across from them, they both are looking at him expectantly, but he doesn't know what he has to say, so he waits for them to speak first.

"When were you planning to tell us about the university?"

What? How did they know? It was impossible, he covered every trace. He has to control his facial expression to feign surprise when necessary, he just has to pretend.

"What are you talking about?"

His father looks at him with, a smile? "This came for you today."

His father extends an envelope that was open without care with his name on it, he brings it towards him and opens it, it was a letter of acceptance to the medical school at the university. Well, he certainly wasn't expecting this, he reads the content of the letter three times before leaving it on the table.

"Congratulations, son." His mother looked at him with a smile too.

"Thank you."

"And your score is very high, we are happy for you, Keiji."

He thought they would say proud, but being happy for him is also good. Now there was no escape, he had to go no matter what.

"Thank you," he says again.

His parents don't tell him anything else, so he takes that as permission to leave, he gets up from the table and walks to his room, his desire to eat totally forgotten. He lies on the bed, now he is completely trapped. Tuition payment was just in a few weeks meaning that he has to decide soon. He hasn't even checked his email in case they accepted his full scholarship, but he's too tired to do it now and he doesn't feel like thinking about it, it would only create conflict.

He prepares for bed with his headphones in position, already relaxed, he closes his eyes trying not to think of anything that would upset him. Half an hour passes when he decides he can't sleep without checking his email first. He sees his latest messages and spots an email from the university, it’s from three days ago. He has been irresponsible, he didn’t even check his email for having his mind somewhere else. He reads it quickly ignoring the knot in his stomach. 

This is bad... he was hoping to not be accepted, because now he has to make a decision.

Yet, he was happy, he was so happy about it. He looks at his dark ceiling with a dumb smile on his face not knowing what decision to make and without anyone to tell his news to, the smile dies on his face. It should be easy to choose now, he no longer has anything here waiting for him and he really doesn't like to see blood. How will he ever become a doctor? He was excited by the idea of studying something that he was passionate about and possible could work on the field in the future, but his parents would disagree with him and they looked a little happy for him to be accepted into college here. He already had the tuition money, he just had to deposit and voila, he also couldn't make his parents pay a large sum of money for something he would never study, so he has to tell them within the next few weeks. He falls asleep with thoughts full of uncertainty.

He was waiting for Kenma to come to the classroom, he hadn't been sitting on the window seat in case of some miracle Kenma decided to sit there again. He doesn't cross glances with those beautiful golden eyes when he sits behind him. That day he also sees him at the station, he was playing with his console without taking his eyes off it, Kenma doesn't even notice his presence. He comes a little closer to see him up close, he had large marked circles under his eyes, his uniform was wrinkled and he needed to brush his hair. He stands a few meters away from him and watches him go without even lifting his head from his console. At least he's entertained with something and won't fall asleep on the train.

He struggles the whole week on whether to speak to him or not, graduation is just around the corner and after that he won't be able to see Kenma again. He just wanted an opportunity to talk to him or to say goodbye, or he can just ask him to unblock his number so they could talk sometime in the future, he will definitely feel more secure knowing that he has a small chance. It hurts, it hurts and he hates it, he does not like at all the weight on his heart every time he thinks of him or when he sees something that reminds him of Kenma, the pain in his chest was inexplicable, but when he told Kuroo about it, he understood right away. They both suffered from the same thing after all.

**-You have a broken heart**

-I sensed it. When will it pass?

**-How could I know??? I don't know, months, years…. I feel like it will never pass**

He hopes that’s not the case, people recover from this, he knows it, they would move on and then fall in love with other people, that's the way it was. But he doesn't like the idea of liking anyone other than Kenma at all. He only loves Kenma and he only misses Kenma... God, he sounds like a ridiculous and capricious little boy with a whim. He rests his face on his pillow to cover his sounds.

His parents changed their flight to be present on his graduation day, they promised to go and then they told him they would go to a fancy restaurant to celebrate after. Keiji didn’t feel like going, he wanted to get away from his annoying classmates as soon as possible, he didn’t want to go through those halls anymore and he definitely didn’t want to constantly remember what he had lost there, but at the same time he didn't want it to ever end, it was his last chance to see Kenma, to speak to him, to say goodbye... he was a coward. He didn't want to go seal his own destiny.

He didn't want the day to come...

**-Are you ready for graduation?**

-Nooo I don't want it to come :(

**-Neither do I ... Aren't you going to be rewarded for being the captain of the volleyball team?**

-Yes and you? for having super good grades or something??

**-Yes, they already told me, all the more reason not to want to go.**

-Congratulations!!! I didn't really see any competition for you, your parents must be proud... They’ll go right?

**-Thank you. Yes, they will go.**

-That's good ... Did you already told them what you want to study?

**-No** .

-Do you want to talk about that? we can go out hmm if you want?

He doesn't feel like going out and he doesn’t want to talk about college either, he just wants to hide in his bubble as long as possible.

**-No, but thank you for the invitation, I don't want to talk about it right now.**

-Someday you will have to do it, besides don’t even think about not accepting the full scholarship they gave you, it’s a unique opportunity!! Especially if it's because of something you like so much :))))))

Maybe he just wants him out of his way to go for Kenma. But when he told Kuroo about it to ask for his advice, he was genuinely happy for him.

**-Thank you, I'm still thinking about it. I will accept that invitation another time.**

The conversations with Kuroo were more than monotonous at first, but the past few days have changed to how they used to be when they were friends, although sometimes they both sent each other unwelcome messages bringing out what the other had done. But right now, he is the closest person he has in the moment.

Days pass quickly to his misery, Kenma doesn’t even look at him, everyone is happy to finally finish the school year (especially the teachers). His classmates talk about several end-of-year parties at least three times a day, everyone says goodbye with fake tears on their face on the last day of school. Keiji empties his locker and leaves most things in the trash, the only person who says goodbye to is Kuroo Tetsurou. He was leaving the school exit for the last time when he sees Kuroo walking beside him, the two say goodbye and wish each other the best for graduation, Kuroo gives him a genuine smile. He reluctantly drags his feet to the station and waits until a blond head with black roots catches his eye.

They sre only a few meters away, he turns his head to the side to see him better, Kenma isn’t with his console, he has headphones on and he is playing with the straps of his backpack waiting for his train. The people who were in the middle of both get on the train leaving them there side by side with a long distance getting in the way. He was trying to look at him discreetly, he could just talk to him, say something to him about the end of school, tell him that he will see him later at the ceremony, tell him that they can still talk by messages, tell him that he will miss him, anything. He feels how his golden eyes look at him out of the corner of his eye, he stiffens immediately and moves his eyes to the front, when he looks again by the corner of his eye, Kenma is looking at him intensely. They just look at each other for a moment that lasts forever until the blond gets on his train, the doors practically close in his face, he can still see him through the window when he leaves until he cannot longer see those beautiful eyes.

Will today be the last time he’ll see his golden eyes?

He has no more chances left, today would be the last day they would see each other, then there would be no excuse to see his face. He had to do something, anything to make Kenma change his mind about him. How could I make him forgive me faster? Ughh, he needs more time, he would do whatever it took for a little longer with Kenma.

He is with his parents in the car heading towards the school for the ceremony, he just focuses his sight out of the window, the three are neatly dressed. They did not exchange any words in the car.

The ceremony was boring and made his feet hurt, he stood for hours while his classmates received their diplomas, most of them cried, which he found incredibly annoying, just accept the paper and keep walking. He raises his head and focuses his vision when he hears the name of Kenma. He walks to the front with his head down to receive his honors, he can notice that he is a little red. He tries to find Kenma's parents with his eyes, both were ahead seated at the front crying with a camera in hand. They take a couple of photos of him and let him go along with the other graduates. A few minutes later they call Kuroo, the tall man advances with a firm step and a soft smile on his face, he receives the diploma happily and they congratulate him on his achievement in the championship as captain of the volleyball team, they give him a medal and they hang it on his neck, he grins before picture time.

It feels like hours have passed when his name is finally called, he advances with a firm step, some teachers congratulate him and gave him a medal of academic distinction, he hears a loud applause coming from the public and he tries to smile for the photo but he’s sure that it ended up with his eyes closed, he always blinks on the pictures. When he advances towards the others he looks for Kenma and he is surprised when he notices that he’s already looking at him. He positions himself near him. The rest of the ceremony is just as boring, the president of the student council gives a half hour speech with the most cliché phrases he has ever heard. He stands again for the final applause and in just a few seconds all the students walk to a different direction to hug each other.

He tries to get away from the crowd and avoid being crushed by the mass of former classmates. They all hug each other and cry, they shake hands and say goodbye, he rolls his eyes when he feels the hand of a stranger attracting him for a hug, he doesn't even know him so he dodges him with brute force to escape, he really doesn't like people touching him. He walks around the back of the school to go to the parking lot and get out of there as soon as possible, he only saw Kenma for fifteen damn seconds. Is that how he will remember him?

He hears soft footsteps behind him, he doesn't want to turn around. Who else would want to avoid the crowd walking to the back exit? He slows down and slowly turns around, Kenma stares at him as he walks towards him.

He gulps.

Well, it turns out that he wasn't walking towards him, he was also going to the exit door. Kenma was now ahead of him.

"Kozume," he calls him without really thinking about what he wants to say.

The blond stops. "Akaashi."

"Umm congratulations..." What an idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot. 

Kenma turns around, his fingers fiddling with his sleeve. "The same for you, especially for your prize or whatever."

He walks to be by his side, but when Kenma sees him move he also takes advantage of walking. He moves a little faster to catch up and walk together.

"Thank you." This is your last chance Keiji... "Ehh I guess we'll see each other umm around, I don't know, maybe."

Kenma stops before opening the door and without raising his head he asks. "Are you going to stay in Tokyo?"

Do you want me to stay?

That's what he wanted to ask him. Will he be able to stay only for Kenma? He doesn't like how his heart is racing with that question, so he decides not to try to look for the answer. He doesn't know, he doesn't know yet what to do, that was partially true, he was only 82% sure of his decision.

"I don't think so."

Kenma turns to see him. "Then, good luck." His golden eyes are watching him closely.

"T- Thank you, you too umm in everything." He didn't even believe in luck, but if Kenma wished it to him then he will accept it.

"I'm glad you made the right decision... regarding your future."

He walks a little closer to the blond to test the limits. "I needed to at least make a good decision in my life."

Kenma nods. "Well... see you." He puts his firm hand on the door.

"When!" He needs more. "I mean, when do you think that will be?"

Kenma shrugs and sighs heavily. "When the time is right, I guess."

When will that be? Kenma opens the door and walks out of there leaving him alone in the hallway.

How long would it take him to recover from his broken heart? How many times did he ask himself that without being aware that Kenma was also suffering from it. Years or months is what Kuroo had told him, he hopes is the second. But he was right, he needed time to heal, he wanted him to take all the time he needed, after all, Keiji needs the same thing.

He opens the door walking toward the parking lot moving his head to the sides looking for Kenma, but he's already gone. He was startled when he heard the horn of a car, his parents were waiting for him.

They congratulate him again in the car asking to see his medal, he gives it to them without paying much attention, it didn't really care that much. Dinner is quiet, food was exquisite, a bit disappointed with the size of his dessert, judging by the price he was expecting a giant plate not a candy the size of a grape, it was still delicious and he’s left with the sweet taste in his mouth. But he can't forget Kenma's words though, he also wanted him to leave, but it was for a good reason, Kenma really wants the best for him.

His parents do not miss any opportunity to tell them about his future career and he focuses half his attention on it, he should tell them as soon as possible, since they were talking about paying the tuition the following week. It was going to be horrible, he already saw it coming, the idea of leaving them a letter no longer seemed appropriate, he decided not to write letters for a long time.

When they get out of the car, his mother asks him what specialty he will choose. His father kept insisting that neurology was the best option. Suddenly, the sweet taste in his mouth disappears replacing it with a bitter one.

Maybe taking a leap of faith this time will pay off.

"I’m not going to study medicine, I will accept a full scholarship to study literature."

His parents, like him, appreciate going straight to the point without stalling. They had just entered through the front door when he told them. It wasn't necessary to repeat the same sentence twice either, but judging by the open-mouthed expression of his parents, he will have to repeat it again.

"The university is in another city, it’s of high prestige and the process to apply for the scholarship was arduous, not everyone can obtain it, it was largely due to my academic effort."

His parents still haven't answered him anything back. Maybe he should let them process it before giving them more information.

"Why?" His mother asks him with a cold stare.

"Because it’s what I want, what I like and what I will do."

"By what right can you say that? After everything we have done for you, everything we have worked to finance your studies."

His father speaks calmly, they don't usually raise their voices at him, but he thought this would be one of those moments.

"I’m sorry, I appreciate all you have done for me, but I will not change my opinion on this."

"How can you do this? How can you throw your future like this in the trash? I don't understand, Keiji. Is this a rebellious phase?"

His mother seems a little more upset than normal. The three of them are standing in their living room looking at each other, they just want to intimidate him as they usually do at their job.

"No mother, this is what I want to do. Nothing you’ll tell me would make me change my mind, this is my final decision."

"If you go, you will not receive a single coin from us, we have it saved for something that is useful, not for a silly and childish whim of yours."

He sighs deeply while playing with the sleeve of his blazer, he doesn't want to show his nervousness, he bites the inside of his cheek. They just want to get on his nerves, the most advisable thing is to stay calm.

"As I said, it’s a full scholarship, that means, it covers any possible expense and I have a lot of money saved. I am responsible with my money after all, so that will not be a problem. I decided to enroll probably next week and when the summer ends, I will leave."

It didn't feel like a confrontation at all, he just told them what he was going to do, he expected more yelling, more emotion, some insults from his parents, but none of that happened. What they did was give him that look he hates so much, they were disappointed. They talked a little more to make him reason and without warning they just went to bed. Keiji stood there like a fool in the living room waiting for some kind of punishment, after half an hour he went up to his room to sleep. He was naive to think that his parents would really care about what he would do.

When he woke up the next day his parents were gone, they had left with their suitcases and they hadn't even left him money. It's better this way, he said to himself with a smile on his face. They weren't going to interfere with his studies. He sent a message to Kuroo recounting on what happened, he said that he had been brave for telling them, but he didn't feel like he was being brave at all.

He doesn’t want to think about the uncomfortable atmosphere when his parents are at home with him, so through the internet he starts looking for a job for the summer. It took him about a week to sign an employment contract, he was now the new employee of a bookstore. He attends and sells to people, he arranges the books that arrive and the ones that the messy customers leave around the store. It was an easy job and he spent most of the time reading manga of all kinds, he knew he needed to read other types of books but now they were his new addiction. Unfortunately, it also cost him most of his salary.

Kuroo would visit him sometimes in his spare time, he also worked and not because he needed it, his parents had enough money to support him, he did it because he wanted to have a job and have some of his own money for college, the distraction was useful too. When he told him that being busy at his job, he spent less time thinking about his problems and the image of Kenma would only came to mind a few times a day, (which was a large improvement,) Kuroo tried to do the same and got a job the next day at a sports store in the city center.

"Your parents are not coming to say goodbye?"

"I said goodbye to them at home."

"Ummm and how was that?"

"Normal, I said goodbye to them, they said the same thing, they told me that they would call me when they have the time and I said the same thing, they also let me know that if I needed something, I shouldn't hesitate to tell them, which is totally a trap to demonstrate that I cannot live on my own, which is completely untrue, I have done it for the past five years at least."

Kuroo scratches his chin "Ehhh I think they were just trying to be nice and supportive, they are your parents after all."

"Huh... Still, I won't give them the satisfaction, but I think I will call them more often, it wouldn't be a bad thing to improve our relationship." He was sitting on the bench feeling the light breeze of the wind messing his hair and clutching the ticket in his hand to keep it from flying away as he repeatedly kept bouncing his right leg.

"That's good. Will I get a dose of those calls?" Kuroo was smiling at him with his typical smirk, the sparkle had returned to his eyes.

"If you will suffer so much without seeing me, then yes."

Kuroo snorts. "Then don’t hesitate to do it, for anything, if you want to talk, if you need help with homework, if you need advice about love, I mean, who knows? You could meet someone... And obviously I will take the privilege to do the same, so don't leave your phone on silent mode. "

He laughs, but he knows that Kuroo is being serious. As much as he wanted to forget Kenma, he wanted even more for Kuroo to forget him first and in the inside his friend wanted the same thing. But he was going to be the one with the best chance, living in the same city and all that, he had already gotten over the fact that Kuroo could win him back or so he liked to think. They promised to be honest with each other, if Kuroo made any advance in the relationship, he would tell him right away and if Keiji did the same, he would also tell him, which he knew would not happen. Three weeks after the graduation, he didn’t see Kenma online at his game again and he hadn't seen him in person either. Kuroo told him that he once saw him in the sports store with a little red-haired boy and when he met Kenma's eyes, he simply dragged the boy out of the store.

"The same goes to you." He wasn’t good at talking about his feelings and all that, but Kuroo knew he could count on him.

When the train arrives people begin to pile up at the gates, he rolls his eyes and waits for it to clear, Kuroo is standing next to him fiddling with his fingers.

"Well, I think the time has finally come." Kuroo sounded sad, which made him feel a stab in his chest. He was going to miss him, he was his only friend and he was going to go far away alo, but he was going to fight to keep their long distance friendship, it would be just stupid to lose their friendship after everything they have been through

"Thank you Kuroo, for coming here and well hmm for everything uhh you know... I think."

Kuroo laughs loudly at his attempt to show him some appreciation. He shares his laugh out of nerves more than anything. The words were not necessary since they had literally already said everything at each other, he’s not surprised to see Kuroo approaching him with his arms outstretched, he responds to the hug by squeezing him hard, he feels a soft pat on his back.

They pull away from the embrace with a smile and without turning back he gets on the train, he didn’t want Kuroo to see his teary eyes. He would like Kenma to be here, at least to say goodbye, even if it breaks his heart, he wants him to be here.

He sees his friend excitedly waving his arms above him in midair, he sinks into his window seat but takes his hand out and slightly waves it back before hiding it again. He sees Kuroo Tetsurou's genuine smile and he smiles back at him when the train starts to move. 

With a sigh he convinces himself that he is ready for this.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAA JUST ONE MORE CHAPTER!!!! Now I'm kinda sad…. I don't want it to end.
> 
> What do you think will happen??👀👀👀
> 
> Kudos and comments are my fuel ❤❤
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> You can talk to me on [my Twitter!!](https://twitter.com/ReadsVale)
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> Thank you for reading!! :')


	17. The right moment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know how to thank you enough for all your nice comments, it makes me so happy to know that you liked this story (I hope you like the end too lol).💖💖 Thank you so much for making it to the end with me, this was quite a journey. It’s not on my plans to write something this long again sjjdhks but I definitely will write much more AkaKen and KuroKen!! ❤
> 
> Enjoy!!

His peaceful dream is interrupted by the melody that he hates so much, he doesn’t open his eyes immediately and with his hand he rummages through his things on his nightstand.

"Okay, okay, okay."

He says to his devilish object, the melody softens a bit when he hears a loud sound of something falling.

"Shit."

He stretches out his arm under the bed looking for it, but the tune has stopped, he doesn't know if it's because his phone died or the caller finally gave up. He takes advantage of the great silence to adjust himself in the bed and rub his face on his pillow.

The infernal melody sounds again.

He kicks his blankets off with irritation and stretches half of his body to look for his cell phone under the bed, the dim light that enters through the window contributes with the search. The first thing he sees when he finally has it in his hand is not the name of his coworker, it's the damn time.

6:07 AM

He blinks a few times to make sure he’s seeing correctly. His phone stops buzzing in his hand and he’s surprised to realize that he has nine missed calls. He doesn’t even hesitate twice before calling Udai Tenma back.

"Yes?" He manages to say in a deep voice not yet fully awake.

Judging by the voice on the other line, his coworker hasn't slept much either.

"I'll look it up," he growls a few times as he hurries to open his laptop, as he listens to his coworker's voice between a mixture of despair and apologetic tone for calling him before business hours.

He yawns as he searches for the necessary folder, but his eyes are not helping him and he has to go through the things on his nightstand again in search of his glasses. "Ahh much better," he says to himself when his eyesight clears. He puts the phone back to his ear as he checks the documents on his computer, commenting with his coworker to send the correct manuscript.

"It must have been the intern, Satori? I think it was his name."

"Well, he's new after all."

"No, no problem."

"It's nothing, my alarm was going to go off in the next half hour, so it's fine."

"Yes." He yawns again.

"Yes, you're welcome."

"See you later."

When the call ends, he's able to see the time, 6:24. He still has six minutes left to sleep and he plans to take advantage of every single second, he puts his head back on his pillow and quickly closes his eyes. The tune plays again and Keiji has no choice, but to insult it and get up from his comfortable bed.

Already sitting on his bed he looks at his clothes that he had already prepared to go jogging, he doesn't really want to go out today, his missing half hour of sleep is present in his slow movements, so for today he would not go out to exercise.

At least he would have time to prepare himself a hearty breakfast. He walks through his apartment stumbling over a couple of boxes promising himself that today he would put everything in order. He has been living in his new apartment for almost two weeks now, but he needs to buy some furniture to store his things. They weren't many, but he wasn't going to keep them in an ugly box forever. His apartment is small, it has enough space for only one person to live comfortably and it is not the cheapest one that he had in mind when he was looking for a new home, but he decided on this because it is only a couple of blocks away from his job.

His stomach was beginning to roar with the smell of his culinary talents, he licked his lips before thanking for the food to then attack. He checks his social media and some emails from work while eating, he adjusts his glasses when he sees a photo of a former schoolmate celebrating the birth of her daughter. He couldn't see himself with a son at the age of 23, he grimaces as he continues to scroll down Instagram.

He stays on the couch lazing around for a while when he decides to tidy up his apartment to then take a cold shower. The day was hot, but that was how summers in Tokyo were. He makes sure to grab an extra bottle of water before leaving for work at 7:50.

He walks in by passing his ID card through the machine and with a beep of approval he continues walking, he decides to go up the stairs to do the little exercise that he saved himself in the morning. He could hear the hustle and bustle of people, computers, and the sounds of telephones before opening the door. He adjusts his glasses before moving forward, on the way he receives some greetings and he responds with a nod and by saying a soft hello. When he got to his office there was a coffee waiting on his desk.

"For taking away an hour of your sleep." Udai-san says to him.

"Thanks, although you also need one... or a pair. Were you able to deliver it on time?"

"Yes, and I'm on my third cup of the day already, courtesy of the new intern."

He parts his lips from the plastic cup and raises an eyebrow. "I don't want him to feel guilty, it was just a little mistake."

"Don't worry" he says waving his hand. "He insisted."

"Sure," he says with a smile before drinking the hot liquid, giving his body enough caffeine to work smoothly. He sits down in his comfortable chair and immediately gets to work on the computer.

He works at a prestigious manga magazine company as an editor. It wasn't his first or second choice... but he was looking for a job after graduating from university, his plans were to write a book, but first he needed more experience and a job to earn money in the meantime. He worked comfortably as an assistant editor at a new book publishing company, it was in the same place where he worked as an intern and after a while he was offered to stay, being a new company the pay was not very good and the hours of work were arduous. One day he saw an advertisement on the Internet for one of his favorite weekly manga magazines stating that they were looking for new members to work with, with just a click he applied.

He didn't think they would call him right away, less that they will make him travel to Tokyo just three days later. In a week they had already offered him a tempting job offer. His position would be higher as well as his pay, and to be honest, he liked the opportunity to return to his hometown. So he accepted it without giving it too much thought, he had been working here for more than three months and he really enjoyed it. At first he was a little exhausting, although his working hours were not very different from the previous one, but he had got himself an apartment that was very far from his place of work. He had to wake up an hour and a half early to get to work on time and he got home late at night. It took time for him to get rid of the contract to find a new place to live.

It didn't take long for him to get used to his new job though, in fact he loves being part of the team. He found himself sometimes at lunchtime chatting with Udai-san about new stories making sketches and drafts for new ideas.

He gets distracted from his thoughts when he receives a phone call, he forgot to put it on silent mode, he doesn’t like to be interrupted at work. He declines the call quickly and answers with a message. The moment he sends it he receives another call... he declines it again and while he was writing in the chat he feels the buzzing of the call again.

"God, he's annoying," he says to himself.

**-Kuroo I'm at work...**

-Sorry, sorry just wanted to make sure you won't cancel today ;)

**-I'll go, don't worry**

-Okay, don't leave us waiting!!!!!!!!!!!!

He rolls his eyes before answering that he would see them there.

He was walking along with most of his office coworkers to the usual place to go to lunch. It is only one block away from the building and when he could, he tried to take as many people as possible there and he always recommended the place.

"Same as always, Akaashi?"

"Good afternoon Osamu, yes please."

"You brought me a huge clientele today," his friend says.

"They are really hungry and they had come before, in just mentioning that I was going to the onigiri place around the block, they followed me immediately, so they came for you."

He had met Osamu in his second year of college, although they were not from the same faculty. They were both from Tokyo so they got along immediately talking about how much they missed their homes, after the four years, Osamu returned to Tokyo to open his own business, which sold delicious onigiris.

"I'm glad, I need them to spread the word. Are you going out with Kuroo today?"

"Yes," he said as he paid. "How did you know?"

"I saw a comment in the group chat, you know from whom." Osamu delivers him his order. "There's an extra one there, it's on the house." He says with a smile and almost whispering.

"Oh thanks," he smiles back, he was used to receiving extra food from his friend. "Maybe we'll come to visit you later."

"We will close early today, there is an early match tomorrow, so we have to prepare ourselves." He grimaces a little before putting his hands together and rubbing them showing he was up for the challenge.

"I almost forgot." He frowns. "I'll take care of them, so they will have to behave themselves tonight.”

He didn't forget it, he just wasn't invited to his match, maybe he complained more than he thought the last time he went when he hadn't slept enough and his mood had affected him the entire day. He makes a mental note to tell them later that he would love to go to the volleyball match tomorrow.

"Keep them under control," Osamu says lifting his finger. "See you soon, Akaashi."

"See you," he replies with a smile so as not to delay the line any longer.

He had lunch with his coworkers and they were all talking about different topics, about work, that today was finally Friday, about some sales statistics, about the delicious food. He tries to listen and contribute on what he can. To his right was Udai-san with his new intern making small drawings on the napkins, Keiji peeks over his shoulder to see better, they were drawing different foods with faces and limbs, it was a mix between cute and creepy.

  
  


He swivels in his desk chair, giving his fingers a rest by stretching them behind his head. He couldn't get what Osamu told him out of his head, it was impossible for him to make a mistake, he always goes to see all his twin brother's games.

Why does Kuroo want to go out so late if there is a volleyball match tomorrow morning?

Ugh, he can't help but to grimace, now he has to restrict them from drinking. He decides to make the best possible decision that would benefit both of them, his sleeping hours would win from this situation.

**-Kuroo, we will not go to a bar if Bokuto has a volleyball match tomorrow.**

-What????? When did I ever say we were going to a bar?

**-You sent me the address and in the name it appears that it is a bar**

-It is also a restaurant Akaashi, besides Bo won't drink anything, he already knows and he doesn't need to be reminded

**-It's still late and his match is in the morning**

-Don't you dare to cancel us!!!! You promised him, if you won't go then tell him to his face at least

**-We can go another day...**

-But he wants to go tonight, it will help to distract him

He sighs deeply, whenever they went out they spent hours talking, he knew it was going to be a long night, and he also found it difficult to say no to Bokuto with the high insistence he always had.

**-Okay, but don't blame me if tomorrow he’s not in his best shape**

-Don't worry : DDDDDDDDDDDD SEe you later !!!1

He walks home from work after saying goodbye to everyone and warning that it was Friday and he didn’t want his weekend to be interrupted by work issues. Udai-san promised him that he would let him sleep in peace... for now.

He still has time before going to the station to go out with Kuroo and Bokuto, so he lays down on his sofa checking his social media again and checking that all his work is in order, his legs are stretched out while he eats the leftover onigiri from lunch, he knows he has to save stomach for later, Bokuto is always too excited to order food and he ends up ordering more than he could eat, he and Kuroo usually go to the rescue.

When it is almost eight o'clock, he reluctantly gets up to get ready, he gets his face wet and he cleans it deeply with his products, then he moisturizes it with his face cream. His face looked better than at the beginning of the day, his dark circles predominated but they weren’t so noticeable with his glasses on, and his face was a bit dry, but the cream had helped. He brushes his hair delicately until he is satisfied, his reflection smiles at him and his dark blue eyes shine brightly. He decides on a simple outfit with black jeans and a light colored sweater, it was hot so he doesn’t bother to look at his jackets, but he takes a blazer in his hand. He still has half an hour left before nine and taking the subway will take around twenty minutes, yet he still decides to go calmly because he knows that they are always late.

He sits in a free seat and he leans half of his on the window, it was a little crowded, but not that much to be overwhelming. He can't help but check his phone, he was about to write to Kuroo when a message arrives from him.

**-Where are you????? Don't tell me you stood us up**

-Kuroo, there are still three minutes left, I'm almost there, choose a table as far away from the bar as possible.

He was probably going to be a little late, ten minutes maximum, but it was entirely the fault of his friends who had made him lose the trust in them to get to a place on time. He receives another message from Kuroo telling him to hurry up, he doesn't. It was revenge for all the times they made him wait, so he slowed down his steps.

The GPS was warning him that he was almost arriving, he adjusted his glasses to see the place, on the outside it looked quite normal, it was big and it looked a little elegant, through the window he can see the tables and couples having dinner, it looks a little full.

**-Are you here????????????**

-Yes, it’s very full. Did you get a table?

**-At the end, near the bar :))))))))))**

If he sees them with just a drink on the table, he will toss them over their heads without hesitation. He advances and he can feel the temperature change immediately, the place is cool. He walks across the tables to the end and he can see the bar behind, the lights dimming as he goes on. He can't hide his irritation, he clearly said they should sit away from the alcoholic beverages. He moves his head to both sides looking for the ridiculous hairstyles of his friends, they were easy to find because they immediately attracted attention, and they were both pretty tall.

How strange, at this rate he should already be listening to Bokuto's loud voice or Kuroo's laughter. He approaches and stops in the middle of the place looking among the strangers for a familiar face... and there he sees it.

It was him.

His heart stops.

He stands like an idiot with his mouth half open and eyes widened, while his golden eyes stare at him intensely.

_ Kenma. _

He is afraid to move forward and he tries to look away, but he sees him waving his wrist softly. He takes his cell phone out of his pocket to ask Kuroo for explanations, but he only sees a series of emojis in the chat from both of them. He looks up again and Kenma raises his arm a little to wave at him, he must think he didn’t see him, it was impossible though, he was practically in front of him, perhaps it’s because of the glasses, he must think that he is blind or something. He gulps hard and begins to walk to the table with a knot in his stomach and his heart without yet beating again.

"Akaashi," he says softly with a sideways smile.

"K-Kozume," he says without any confidence at all.

Kenma gestures for him to sit in front of him, he does it slowly. They look at each other for several seconds without saying anything. Kenma looks different but at the same time he looks the same, well his face is more defined. His hair is much longer surpassing his shoulders maybe, he is not sure because he is wearing a quite messy bun hairstyle with strands of hair scaping at the sides on his forehead, it was dark but he still had the blond tips. In his ear he has several piercings and he is wearing a black hoodie, his eyes have the same intensity as always. He doesn't want to look like a psycho, so he stops staring at him to look at his hands and starts to play with the napkin in front of him .

"You look different," Kenma says.

He looks at both sides to make sure he's actually talking to him, he clears his throat before opening his mouth. "I'm different, well it's been umm about five years since the last time we saw each other."

"Yeah, a long time."

Keiji looks up slowly. "Ehh y- you also look different, different good, well before too, I mean b- before you also looked good and now you continue umm... looking good?"

Kenma smiles at him and at that moment his heart receives all his strength because it begins to beat like crazy.

"Thanks, you look good too, nice glasses."

Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum Bum.

"Ohh yes, ha ha at first they were just for reading but hmm but now well I read all the time, so ..."

Kenma nods.

He doesn't understand what's going on. Is Kuroo going to arrive with Bokuto? This is not a coincidence, it’s impossible, they planned it. He doesn’t know what to say to Kenma, the last time he saw him was years ago when he returned for vacations and they only crossed a glance, they have not spoken in five years and now he was here. He wanted to pull out his phone to speak to Kuroo and ask him, but he didn't want to appear rude. And as always, as if Kenma was reading his mind...

"I talked to Kuroo to tell you to come. Sorry, I didn't mean to lie to you or pose as Kuroo or anything."

Ohh right.

"Kozume, sorry for what happened, I never wanted to-"

"Akaashi," he interrupts him. "It’s okay, it was just a joke, you don't need to apologize. In fact, I did it because I was waiting for you to call me and you never did."

Ohh shit.

At that moment the waiter comes to ask for the order, he didn't even see the menu in front of him, so he offers them something to drink. What could they drink? A glass of wine? No, he was too much of a lightweight, his tolerance to alcohol was very very low, he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Kenma, which is still looking at him expectantly in front of him. He decides to order just a juice and a glass of water, Kenma asks for the same. While they wait, he entertains himself with the menu calming his breathing to choose what to order, they don't speak again until the waiter arrives with his drinks and asks again. When ordering, Kenma asks for the exact same thing... he doesn't understand his game. He drinks his glass of water at once, since his throat was dry. Kenma kept looking at him and he didn't dare to look away either.

"Well?"

When he went to university he never lost contact with Kuroo, they talked to each other constantly and when he visited the city they hung out together, Kuroo also visited him a couple of times. After two years, one night in the early morning Kuroo had told him that he had spoken to Kenma. They went out together to eat and he told him everything. Of course he was jealous, he wanted to buy a ticket and travel immediately. Kuroo told him everything with honesty, especially the things involving him. He told him that after that, they start talking sporadically via messages until one day they go out again together and decided to be friends. He never asked Kuroo if he was still in love with Kenma because he was afraid of knowing the answer, so he told him that it was time to move on, he could no longer live in the past and asked him not to talk about Kenma ever again, he didn’t want to know the details of their relationship, so he never did.

He was surprised when he went to visit Kuroo for his 21st birthday and he introduced him to his boyfriend, Bokuto Koutarou.

They met at university playing volleyball and became friends immediately, Kuroo had talked to him about Bokuto before, but he never thought that what he felt for him was more than just friendship. Bokuto is a good person, a bit loud, pushy and full of energy, but he could tell just by seeing the sparkle in his eyes when he looked at Kuroo, how much he loved him. They became friends, they talked more than anything by messages and video calls, until one day Kuroo got angry because apparently he was talking more to his boyfriend than him, he had not even noticed, Bokuto became an important person in his life. When Kuroo traveled abroad for his last semester, Bokuto called him every day to tell him how much he missed Kuroo, he didn’t understand why he simply couldn’t call his own boyfriend to tell him that, so one day he asked him. He called him every time he get off the phone with Kuroo, he missed him and he needed to tell someone.

They were a big factor when deciding whether to move back to Tokyo or not, he even stayed in their apartment for the first two weeks while looking for a place.

Two months ago when they were in a coffee shop and Kuroo and Bokuto were talking about something that he wasn’t really paying much attention to because he was very focused on sending an email to work, he heard something that made him revive old feelings.

  
  


"I don't know Bo."

"But we could do it at Kenma's house! It’s the biggest and it will be perfect."

"Do you think he'll let us invite strangers to his house or well, people in general? We could do it in-"

"Kenma? Kozume Kenma?" He didn't really think before speaking.

Bokuto looks at him with wide eyes and then looks at Kuroo nervously.

"I didn't know you knew him." The last time Kuroo spoke to him about Kenma was a couple of years ago and he assumed they had lost contact, but now Bokuto knew him too.

"Umm yeah, I met him a while ago, he's super cool, sometimes we play video games together."

Kuroo was next to him playing with what is left of his food, he puts his phone aside. How much does he know about Kenma? He doesn't want to pursue the topic because he doesn't want to expose Kuroo's past with Bokuto.

"Akaashi, he already knows, ehh, I told him."

"Everything?"

The atmosphere felt tense.

"Yes, everything," Kuroo replied.

He felt ashamed, now Bokuto knew that too. Did he sees him differently now?

"Ahh but that doesn't matter anymore Akaaashi, now we are friends, he even asked us about you once."

What?

"W- what did he say about me?"

"He just asked how you were and things like that, I told him you'd be back in town, umm sorry Akaashi. It just slipped out."

Keiji was open-mouthed ... Were they friends friends? Did he talk about him? When he had said that to Kuroo years ago, he did it because he thought he and Kenma were going to be together, now Kuroo probably had the impression that he didn't want to know anything about Kenma.

"You are friends?"

"Obviously Akaaashi, we are super close, his house is massive and he has a huge screen to play with." Bokuto had a big smile on his face.

"Ahhh well, umm I don't know, if he wants to see me and -"

"Do you want his number?" Kuroo was looking at him and he had his cell phone in his hands. "No pressure or anything."

Obviously he wanted it, but he wouldn't know how to start the conversation, Kuroo had said to him that when he told Kenma about him, he no longer seemed upset anymore. Several years had already passed, maybe they could be friends again. He would speak to him this very same afternoon and then he would ask him out.

"Yes, I want it.”

Kuroo smiled at him with his typical smirk and Bokuto shifted from side to side in his seat while wiggling his eyebrows.

He kept Kenma's number, but he never spoke to him.

  
  


"Because I’m a coward."

"Hmmm" Kenma kept looking at him while drinking his juice. "You went to study literature."

"Yes, I did.”

"Did you like it?"

"Yes."

Kenma was playing with the sleeve of his hoodie. "What did your parents say to you?"

"They got mad for exactly two minutes, actually they went through the five stages of grief in front of my eyes and they ended up accepting it."

"I'm glad," Kenma smiles at him softly. "Do you get along with them now?"

He had been trying to improve his relationship with his parents during his freshman year of college, they called each other every weekend and he showed them every good grade he got. When he finished his first year and went back home, they traveled together on vacation and when he returned to class they were more close than ever. It was a stupid decision to feel confident enough and tell them that he liked men on the phone one day… They didn’t call him ever again, they cut off the bank account were they used to send him money every month and when he tried to visit them in winter, he had to spend those weeks at Kuroo's house because his parents didn’t receive him, at least they let him take out the rest of his things when they were not present, and then they demanded that he must leave his key there. He has not spoken to them since that day.

"At the beginning, when I went to college our relationship improved, they didn’t care much about my career path. When I told them one day that I wouldn’t go out with any girl because I just didn’t like them, they didn’t speak to me again. I am no longer welcome at home and we don't talk at all, so we don't get along that well. "

Kenma's expression changes immediately. "I’m sorry, but they are fucking assholes."

He lets out a snort of laughter. "They are."

"Then you are not a coward."

"Huh?"

"You said you were a coward, but you are not. You told your parents something you were afraid of, so you got over it, that's the complete opposite of being a coward."

If his damn heart doesn't stop beating so fast he is going to die right here. He was about to say something when the waiter brought his order. The food was delicious, he thought he would not manage to eat because he was going to vomit his own heart at any time, but for now it stayed where it should. They catch up talking about their lives, his work, Kenma even tells him about his family.

"And when do you think you’ll be able to finish it?"

"Hmm the prototype is almost ready, maybe by the end of the year."

"I can't believe you have your own company."

Kenma shrugs his shoulders. "I can't believe you write mangas now."

"I do not write them," he says laughing. "I can't believe you're a streamer, I had no idea, I guess I'll have to look for you."

"Ughh please don’t" he can see how his face flushed with a slight pink color.

They talk a little bit about Bokuto and Kuroo, he doesn't really know how to talk about the topic without making him feel bad or to relive bad memories from the past. According to Kenma, he became friends with Kuroo and never tried anything more than that, then he met Bokuto and he liked him, although he drives him mad at least once a day. He likes the relationship they have, although he wastes a lot of energy just from seeing them.

They both talked about their friends. Kenma made a couple of friends at University, Shouyo and Tobio, both played volleyball. He also told Kenma about some friends he made, he obviously omitted the part that he didn't even speak to absolutely anyone in his first year of university.

"Osamu Miya?"

"Yes, do you know him?"

"I've seen him around, I know his twin better through Shouyo." He lowers his head. "Are you together?"

"What? He says almost laughing with the question. "No, no, we're just friends." Now he was the one with the flushed cheeks. "Umm, are you dating anyone?"

"No, I haven't dated anyone" Kenma toyed with the cherry on his empty dessert plate. "Never did."

Keiji had not dated many other people, he had a fling at the beginning of his third year during a party where he lost his virginity, it only lasted a few weeks. He didn’t even want to be with the guy, but he didn’t want his memory of his first time to be almost drunk for drinking just a beer with an idiot, so he tried to make it work. Then he decided to find something more serious last year. His relationship with his first boyfriend lasted four months and ended when he caught him in bed with another man, Keiji looked at them and simply closed the door, then opened it again to tell him that when they finish, he will have to return the book he lent him, it was one of his favorites and he was not going to leave it there. After that he had no other relationships. Not because he was traumatized and heartbroken by an idiot, but perhaps his heart was still broken and waiting for someone from a while ago.

"I tried once, it didn't work at all, he wasn't the one."

Kenma looks at him with a sparkle in his eyes. "Apparently not."

They kept catching up until they noticed the place started to get empty. He insists on paying the bill, but Kenma says he invited him so he should pay. It was almost twelve at night when they left the restaurant. They walk around the city for a while. He can notice that Kenma had grown a few inches, but he is still shorter than him. He has his hands in his pockets as they walked.

"Umm are you still playing, right Kozume?"

Kenma laughs. "I make a living out of that."

"yes, I was saying it because I didn't see you play today."

"Ahh well, I didn't bring my console, sometimes I need a break from all of that, plus today was a special occasion."

Keiji felt his cheeks go warm so he quickly turns his head to enjoy the view.

"And you can call me Kenma, Keiji."

Oh God, he was killing him, Kenma was killing him, he planned his revenge for years and it was finally working.

"Did you missed Tokyo?"

"Uhh a- a bit, the lights more than anything."

"Are you planning to stay?"

"I think so, for now it’s not on my plans to leave, Kenma."

They keep walking aimlessly while being hit by the gentle night breeze. He had asked Kenma where he lived and he replied that his house was only a few blocks away, he didn’t want to go too far for a restaurant. Twenty minutes, twenty minutes, they lived just twenty minutes from each other, he likes that number.

  
  


"Kenma?" he raises his head to look at him with his eyes wide open.

"To be clear ehh I… I need to apologize."

"It’s not necessary, I already know."

"I still want to do it."

Kenma stops his pace. "Fine, but let's sit down, my feet are killing me."

They sit on some nearby bench, the place is nothing out of the ordinary, it isn't nice or romantic, he wants to do it somewhere else.

"First, I wanted to apologize for accepting the deal, although at the time I didn't know it was you, I still knew I was lying to someone. I've thought about it a lot all this time, I was immature and ambitious, sorry for that. Although what I wrote, I did it thinking about you Kenma, I needed inspiration and you were perfect, every word I wrote in those letters were somehow true. Secondly, I'm sorry for not telling you the moment I found out, I wanted to confirm it first and I couldn't betray Kuroo, that's what I felt at the time. Third, I am very, very sorry about posing as Kuroo in the email to ask you if you liked me, I took the cowards path, I didn't want to confess without having any clue of your answer. That day I was going to tell you everything I felt, but I couldn't, which leads to the fourth. I should have told you how I felt a long time ago, uhh I know there is more, but right now I don't remember, if I had known that we would meet I would have written it down and rehearsed and everything would be perfect."

"Kuroo said you would do that" he was playing with his feet shifting them from side to side. "So, he advised me that it should be a surprise, so you would tell me how you really feel at the moment."

Fucking Kuroo Tetsurou.

"I like being prepared, that's all."

Kenma looks at him and smiles. "I know. In that case I’m sorry too."

"What? No, you didn't do anything wrong, you-"

"Yes I did," he interrupts. "You were my best friend and I never told you about Kuroo because I was confused. I hide him from you on purpose because I should also have told you that I liked you a long time ago, but I didn't. And I was angry with you, I thought you had made a deal with Kuroo and then both were laughing at me or something and you two were like together. "

"Eww! Why?" he can't help but laugh.

Kenma laughs softly. "I don't know, then I saw you together and because of how you talked, I thought you were lovers making like a sick bet. I was angry and I wanted to hurt you, I didn't speak to you because I wanted you to suffer and when Kuroo told me everything, I should have told you something because I knew that you still felt guilty about it and I didn't because I wanted you to live with that guilt. Then I went back to talk to Kuroo and we became friends and eventually, I forgave him and I released him from that guilt, but I didn't do it with you, so sorry about that."

He sighs deeply, Kenma is playing with his sleeve and he gently touches it to stop him. "I deserved it, I should have tried more, I should have explained everything to you, I should have fought for you with all my strength."

Kenma interlocks his fingers with his and he feels a tingle in each finger going up through his hands and expanding through all his body. He has never felt for anyone what he feels for Kenma, with just a touch of him, he makes his whole body shudder. Is it possible that he still feels the same way about him as he did five years ago?

"Maybe, but there is no use thinking about that anymore, you can't change what you did or what you didn't." They stay for a moment holding hands, Kenma rests his head on his shoulder, his hair smells good, different than before, maybe it was a new shampoo. Coconut? He strokes his hair and hides a lock of hair behind his ear.

"What are you thinking Keiji?"

"I’m thinking that I would like to do this again." He had already wasted too much time, he is not going to waste another single minute. "Like on a date, would you like that?"

He feels Kenma's head move against his shoulder, he is nodding. "Yes, I already have your number, we can coordinate."

"Tomorrow, can you tomorrow?"

Kenma laughs softly. "Yes, tomorrow is fine." It takes a while when he speaks again. "No tricks or lies, just the two of us."

"I promise you, Kenma."

They sit for a while until the warmth of their hands is no longer enough and they have to get up to go home. He walks Kenma as close to his home as possible so that he doesn't walk as much later while they wait for the taxi.

"Wow, your house is really huge."

"Only on the outside."

"Really? Bokuto told me that you have a game room with a screen that covers the entire wall."

"As if he wasn't exaggerated and dramatic. Are you sure you don't want to wait inside?"

"Maybe another time."

They were standing leaning against the wall, brushing their shoulders together. "Hey Kenma, before you said you had my number, why didn't you just talk to me?"

"When I asked Kuroo for your number I also told him to give you mine, but I thought it would be more dramatic to meet us this way."

"Ahhh so it was all a plan to catch me."

"Do you think I was going to let Kuroo give my number to anyone?" He gave him a soft smile. "And the plan was that you would talk to me months ago."

"Sorry, I will speak to you the minute I get home."

"Ughh not another Bokuto, please."

Bokuto wrote to him at least once every hour, he supposed he did the same with Kenma.

They are interrupted by the sound of an approaching car, Keiji stands firm and sighs before walking to the car that will take him away from Kenma... for now. He doesn't want to break the little bubble they are in. What if it was all a dream? And tomorrow he will wake up with the same emptiness in his heart yearning for Kenma. He touches his chest lightly, his heart is there, whole.

"See you tomorrow, Keiji."

They are in front of the taxi, Kenma looks at him expectantly, he approaches him and lowers his head to be on the same level.

He wants to kiss him, but he has to make his lists of steps to follow first, he couldn't ruin his only chance after so long, after so much waiting. It was very fast, it was going to scare him. Maybe on the third date? Fifth? Oh no... They would have more than five dates, right? But Kenma is looking at him with his golden eyes shining brighter than ever under the moonlight and he doesn't want to stop looking at him. The moment looks like the right one.

He presses his lips against Kenma's. It was a short, soft and a perfect kiss. He feels a spark running all over his body and he is smiling widely at Kenma, his cheeks are red when he returns the smile. He sees him lick his bottom lip and tries to convince his brain that he already did it, he already jumped, later he could be more bold in their next date. For now they were fine.

When he gets into the car Kenma keeps staring at him from the other side with his soft smile on his face, he raises his hand and waves it delicately. Keiji does the same until the car moves forward and he can no longer see those bright eyes unless he closes his eyes and thinks of them.

He has a silly smile plastered on his face, he bites his lip to avoid letting out a laugh of a maniac, he is happy, very happy. He checks his phone and sees a series of messages in his group chat with Kuroo and Bokuto, he doesn’t read everything because he couldn’t concentrate, he only replies that he will tell them tomorrow.

His heart jumps when he receives a message from Kenma, he had saved his number as soon as Kuroo gave it to him.

**-We could talk until you get home**

**\- ???**

-What do you want to talk about?

**-Ummmmmm**

**-About today**

**-Or tomorrow.... what do you want to do?**

**-about the kiss**

**-Whatever you want**

-Today, I really had an incredible time with you, it was a good night. Tomorrow we could go out in the afternoon, I know of a good coffee shop that you would love. And the kiss, the kiss I really enjoyed it, I yearn for more.

So they go on talking through messages about senseless things really, as they used to do before, he doesn't want to get home and stop talking to him, but the thought that they will do it again tomorrow and maybe the day after that until it’s completely normal to talk to each other every day and if this time he doesn't ruin it, they could be together and that thought makes him feel extremely happy.

Just thinking about it makes his heart beat faster and faster, this time he would take a chance. He has no choice but to trust, trust Kenma, trust their relationship because from now on, he is going to jump to get on the other side with Kenma.

  
  


**Fin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhh :’) I really hope you liked it!! 💕
> 
> One of my original plans was to actually make Kenma indecisive and choose no one because he loved them both. Kuroo and Akaashi would make a plan to agree to date... the 3 of them. But in secret Kuroo and Akaashi would actually hate each other and fight for Kenma's heart, eventually both would fall in love with each other and Kenma would be like “Duhhh” and they will live happily ever after. The end.
> 
> The only explanation I have for Bokuto not being a major character in this story is simply because I don't know how to write him... I have a lot of drafts with him in the story actually. When I began writing this, it was a BokuAka story, but then I decided to leave him out of this because I don't really want to screw up his character. When I feel more confident of my writing skills, I will definitely write more about Bokuto, because I absolutely love him.
> 
> And if you liked this story, then I think it's time for me to fucking jump and write some BokuAkaKuroKen. 😌
> 
> Please, leave me a comment to let me know what did you think about the last chapter or about the story!! 💕You can also talk to me on [my Twitter!!](https://twitter.com/ReadsVale)
> 
> Thank you again for everything! ❤❤


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